Don't Be Embarassed to Say Your Dreams Outloud
"Tell me about your goals with singing?" I'd just contacted a singing teacher in Seattle and she asked me this question. I thought it was obvious. I want singing lessons because I want to get better at singing. Why does she need to know WHY I want to sing better?
My first instinct was to tell her that I write my own songs and I just want to be a better singer so my performances are stronger. I mean, that's all true BUT that's not THE GOAL or THE DREAM. I deleted the paragraph and built up a little courage to write this instead:
"I've been passionate about singing my entire life and in the past year I finally worked up the courage to start sharing my music with others. I currently write songs that have a folk/pop vibe and I'm learning to play guitar & piano. I've just started performing opens mics and shows and I'm starting to record my music. I love playing music in public spaces (I got to parks a lot) because I love sharing my music with other people and seeing how hearing music brightens their day. Sometimes I'm feeling outgoing and I sing in the supermarket line or on buses and get my friends to help get the whole crowd involved. I dream of performing on a big stage - I day dream about performing at the Gorge during the Sasquatch Festival. I want more classical training with my voice so I can reach my full potential as a singer. In addition to my own music, I also sing to my yoga students at the end of classes (Indian Sanskrit Chanting - this is the training I was doing with Claudette Evans). Just for fun, I would like to start leading Kirtans at local yoga studios. Claudette also said that she thinks my voice would be well suited to classical music so I'm curious to explore that new avenue. I haven't found the right opportunity yet but I also think it would be fun to sing in a choir / a cappella group. Basically, I want my life to be filled up with music and my focus right now is on getting more technical training so the music I create will be more powerful."
Looking at it now, I don't know why I was so scared to just say it...I want to play on the big stage at the Gorge during Sasquatch....I want to play on big stages all around the world - Wembly, Madison Square Garden....some crazy awesome outdoor amphitheater in the mountains of Peru....on the steps of the Taj Mahal...why not?
I keep these dreams in my head all the time like they're a secret. I put pressure on myself - if you declare a dream outloud then you HAVE to go after it and succeed! The idea of telling people what you're dreaming of and then not going for it or not achieving it seems humiliating. Speaking a dream outloud feels like signing a contract with the universe. Thoughts come and go - they're fleeting. But words, once spoken are solidified in the minds others and therefore clearly, they become LAW. Jealous, why does my brain take everything so damn seriously. ha?!
I also feel like if I speak a dream outloud then it better darn well be realistic. Telling people you have an unrealistically BIG dream is embarrassing. It makes you look foolish! What a fool, to think she can actually accomplish that! is what I fear they'll think. Nobody else says that to me though - these are all the voices in my own head though so maybe I'm the judgemental one. (My song IMPOSSIBLE THINGS is about this fear). I'm the one that thinks I'm foolish for dreaming BIG. Why don't I believe in myself that much? Why does my subconscious seem to think that singing on the Sasquatch stage is so impossible? So far out of reach that I'm embarrassed to even think it.
Tonight's the night at perform at Columbia City Theater in the Bridging the Music WA Solo Artist Awards. I woke up feeling nervous, put on a super sparkly sequined dressed, practiced my songs out in the garden, made breakfast crepes for Davey, decided that I'm not nervous...I'm excited. I'm a little hotwheels car that's been pulling back to wind up and FINALLY, today I get to let go and zoom forward! About bloody time! Yay :) // Cha