Running Wild VS. Marking My Dragon - "Pressure Baby" (Song in Progress)
My voice sounded INCREDIBLE in our empty guest bedroom. The acoustic echoes filled the space and I watched this song pour onto paper. The night before, I'd been talking with Davey about feeling like a wild independent woman VS feeling a desire to 'give myself' to a man. There is definitely a pull in both directions and I have MASSIVE fear around giving myself. I want to remain untamed, possessed by no one and yet there is such a beauty and comfort in 'belonging' to someone who also gives themselves back to you. I do think though that this is all imaginary and that the reality is that we are all independent and wild. We are only tamed if we tame ourselves and build our own fences. Vinny and I were talking about how two people are just doing their own thing, flying through space and it's beautifully awesome if your flight planes align for a little while and you can fly together...but ultimately you fly by yourself. Davey and I were talking about wanting another person all to yourself.
During this conversation with Davey, he told me that he wanted me to be his and I suddenly saw two lime green marking appear on my dragon's neck (yes, I have a dragon...she's like a spirit animal of sorts). She was outside the bedroom window, sitting down (as tall as the house). Her body was colored green & purple (which is like a mood ring when she's on alert protecting me) and her neck up was pearly white (which is how she is when she's peaceful). So she was feeling both at once and the green marks appeared on her neck just above the color line. I don't know what they meant but Davey suggested that maybe he had 'marked' me. I started to have a panic attack at this idea. I don't want to be marked by anyone and yet at the same time, I liked the idea of being marked by him. How can both exist in me - so confusing. This of course, all tied into my back and forth decisions between being with Vinny who tells me he wants me to run while and he would never even tough my dragon VS Davey who wants me to run wild but also be marked by him in some way. It was with these thoughts in my mind that I wrote this song the following afternoon.