What is Worth the Loneliness?

Lonely little tears roll down my face as I start running my fingers along the keys of C Major. My boyfriend just told me he's going out with friends to a casino, then meeting up with our new potential roommate, then going rock climbing tonight. I wish I could go. I love being with people and I'm always sad to miss out on things but unfortunately, right now my butt is glued to a piano stool.

I'm committed to practicing piano for 750 hours this year (averages out to about 2 hours a day). I'm falling behind on my hours this week. It's a sucky feeling. It's like going into financial debt but worse because money can show up at any time but time can't.

I can always earn more money; I could land an unexpected gig, receive a cash gift, get a bunch of photography clients running through my door at any minute. But practice hours don't 'come to me' like money does. Practice hours have to be 'put out by me' and I have limited time. The math is simple...practice at least 2 hours a day and you'll achieve your goal. Practice less than that and you won't. There is some flexibility; I can skip a day and practice longer the next day, but that can only go on for a limited time before I'm so deep in time debt I won't be able to catch up. I could earn $0 all year and then magically earn $60,000 on New Years Eve to reach my financial goal for the year. BUT if Dec 31st arrives and I haven't practice piano enough, I won't be able to make up 750 hours of practice before the ball drops. I needed an entire year to achieve that goal, literally.

Money can buy a lot of things but it can't buy practice. You can only buy practice with time and sometimes spending time is harder than spending money. So, I could be rock climbing with my boyfriend or drinking coffee with girlfriends this afternoon but my heart has no choice. I have to play piano because I am dead set on achieving this goal. I AM going to sit on the couch at Christmas a look around the room at everyone chit-chatting about their new years resolutions and I will silently sip my wine with happiness knowing that I did what I said I was going to do: 750 Hours of Playing Piano in a year. I'm giving myself a gift; not just the pride of accomplishing a goal but a skill I will carry with me for the rest of my life. That means more to me than rock climbing. It's worth a few lonely tears. // Chamonix

PS: I practiced for 2.5 hours today and the lonliness disappeared after 20 minutes. I got so focused on the song I was composing that I time flew by. #victory #gladIstuckwithit

Cha WildeComment