When You're Afraid to Step into the Spotlight

"If you're just afraid then you need to balls up and do it but if you really don't want this, you don't have to do it. You know that, right? No one will think any less of you if you don't do this. You know? You followed your heart, you took risks, you did what you wanted to do and now if you don't want to do it anymore then you don't have to. No one is holding you to this and so you don't need to hold yourself to it. Self love, babe. How do you react to attention? Think about it. You love teaching. You love leading photo shoots. You're in control. You're the boss. You run the show. You thrive on that. What makes you think this spotlight on stage is any different? You love this shit. You're different than your brother. He's amazing but he's chill playing in the bedroom. You've always run out into the spotlight. You love being there. Not because you're vapid and need approval or purely attention seeking. You're doing what you love and it involves a spotlight. That's okay. Any judgement and negativity around it is all societal and bugs in the system. Just because you're a celebrity or have fame does not control how you act or who you are. You can be a diva and be mean to the barista who fucked up your order at Starbucks or you can be chill and grateful that she made you a coffee even if it wasn't exactly what you ordered. If you start posting vapid shit online and acting condescending to people, I'm going to call you on it. But who you are naturally, is never that way. Do what you love and you do it your way. I think it's time for you to focus on creating that happy music. You used music to express a lot of difficult emotions but now it's time to take a break from that and get excited about thing new stuff you're doing that fits better with your personal growth in life. Do the stuff that makes you feel happy and free. [insert hug and a bunch of 'boy-brain' problems] Wanna hang out after work?"

N for Cha / July 2018 / Emergency best friend moment at Starbucks on our Thursday lunchbreak