Within an hour of returning to Ubud, I wasn’t able to leave the toilet. Bali Belly? Something worse? Intuition guided me out of my hotel room aloneness and I walked uneasily in the rain to The Yoga Barn cafe.
No blood in my head, only my mothers voice, “It’s seriously not good to be sick and alone in a foreign county.”
I ordered vegetable broth. I couldn’t hand money over fast enough, irritated and anxious, because my lights were going out.
In my last moment, I reached out my weak hand and touched a woman’s elbow, “I’m about to faint. Please help me. Water.”
One voice told me to feel the ground. “You’re safe. There’s no rush. Take your time.” Another voice spoke softly, “You’re dehydrated. Take big exhales. There’s too much carbon dioxide in your blood. You’ve been hyperventilating.” My hands! Fingers curling in. Intense pressure beyond control. A spoonful of sugar entered my mouth. Smelling oils. I was in the arms of a nurse and a nurturing yoga teacher. A hand on my head. A hand on my hand. The ladies sat with me until closing time, until I was upright and laughing. Serendipitously, the two women had just been released from a day long Shamanic breathwork workshop. They’d both just been through almost exactly the same experience they just helped me through. One woman had gone deep to forgive her family. The other woman had experienced the childbirth she wished she’d had with her son. I realized that I have been feeling rushed to heal, obligated to get better quickly for other people so as not to be a burden. This was my lesson to receive and take as long as I need. Can I actually receive that time?
I woke up this morning feeling better. I’m eating simple foods and petting dogs to support my recovery.
I am excited for this yin yoga training that begins today. I love being a student and expanding my skills as a teacher. Curious to deepens my understanding of connective tissue, fascia and meridians. I only have a vague understanding right now. I’ve been teaching yin yoga for years, winging it and teaching from intuition. Im fascinated to learn maybe something I’ve been doing wrong all this time and/or be validated for what I’ve been doing. Im excited to feel more grounded confidence in my future teaching with this education. Im curious who I will meet and what the teacher will be like. Im hoping for really relaxed and uplifting energy. I am hoping that I feel relaxed, safe and friendly during this training. I am hoping to feel inspired, engaged and inquisitive. I’d love to have my mind blown a few times and to have some beautiful fundamental breakthroughs. I’m excited to feel my own body respond to these teachings so I can care for myself even better and immediately put into practice for my own well-being.