Sept 24, 2022 - Ubud Jungle, Bali — at Yellow Flower Cafe and Keliki Coffee
A moment to complain and set the scene…”fuck the jungle. I have rashes and bumps on my fingers, my stomach feels uneasy and my lady parts are itching up a storm every night. So far, I don’t feel much peace in Ubud; more traffic noise, pressure to do yoga, darkness in the house downstairs, reclusiveness overtaking me, I haven’t been impressed by any meal I’ve eaten here. The food in every restaurant has been bland. I miss the energy of the ocean. I haven’t seen a single sunset up here in the mountain jungle. Why am I here? I traveled across the world to paint the ocean sunsets and now I’m in the clouds, shooing away mosquitos. The ocean salt cleanses me inside and out while the jungle irritates my sensitive skin. When I sit beside the ocean, my body moves itself into yoga postures. In the jungle I’m avoiding yoga completely, too much resistant to push through. In Ubud, there is a constant drone of bugs, more disturbing than the roaring ocean. When I look in the mirror I’m surprised by my own beauty. I’ve been feeling unattractive. If I’m here to listen (this is the mission of my trip, TO LISTEN), what am I hearing? Bugs, birds, engines, talking, music. Maybe there’s too much fruit in my diet? Drums, cooing, chirping, rattling. I feel the feeling of wanting change. I want to move. Something here is very unsettling for me. The engines really irritate me. I want quiet and peace. Too much daily human life, the buzzing of human society is agitating me beyond my capacity to function. So far I am not feeling in love with this place I am supposed to love. Maybe it’s two days without caffeine that has me grumpy in Ubud. Maybe it’s not a good idea to attempt to break addiction when arriving in a new town…it might cloud my vision and make me a hate a place. ha! I need to get away from here. Perhaps I call a scooter to whiz me away from this “metropicalis” (haha) and deliver me to deeper nature. A coffee in the jungle? Yes please.
This is the Yellow Flower Cafe. I was in a sour mood when I visited this pretty spot. I tried three different seats. I was blinded by the hot sun. I tested my patience to paint this exotic red building. I only drank half my milky chai tea. I left quickly to get away and even the quaintest pretty jungle footpath pissed me off. I wove my way through the foot-only ally ways of Penestanan (a hidden village of Ubud) until I popped out on the main street. I had no idea where I wanted to go (apart from back to Uluwatu Beach). If you haven’t figured out by now, the wind is my medicine. When I don’t know what to do or where to go, I just need to get some wind on my skin. I called a GoJek scooter and asked the drive to take me further into the jungle. Just drive! I picked a random destination 20min away (which is a long way in Ubud, Bali). I had no idea if I’d like the place but it was somewhere to go. Take me to Keliki Coffee please!
Phew, I made it to the top of a jungle mountain! On a barstool at Keliki Coffee I peer over the edge. I’m in the forest canopy. I’ve never seen a forest this big from this high up before. My breath left me for a moment in wonder as my spirit soared with the birdies in this lush green valley. The jungle is almost overwhelming; so much detail to take in. Why is the ocean easier to watch? The jungle is almost blinding. I wonder what’s out there and quickly look away. Where do I land my gaze? The ocean offers me the gift of trance, lulling me into hypnosis, removing my worries of life. The jungle puts me on edge, acutely aware of life, so much life, too much life to process. It is a gift to forget, to just watch and listen. What do you want to forget? The confusion.
I move around coffee shops, changing seats until I find more comfortable spot. I am like a dog circling its bed before I settle and write. Any discomfort disrupts my flow. What I put in my body, how I move my body, the environment in which I place my body, these shape me and change me. Good life is a simple formula that is predictable and reliable. Finally, at Keliki Coffee house I find my spot. This is probably the most epic coffee experience of my life. I am on another cliff. I seem to find peace and inspiration on cliffsides. The abundance of green life is impressive. I like the wooden chairs. I’m feeling doubts in my work. Why? What are you afraid of? I’m not actually interested in it. I’m bored. So what would be interesting for you? I could write a book right here. I found a spot in Ubud that I enjoy! I feel stressed trying to paint reality. I enjoy abstraction. Instead of watercolors, I could bring acrlyics in my backpack for wilderness painting. It’s trickier though to bring the wet painting home since it takes longer to dry. I need to create in exotic spots. There are bugs crawling on my journal that I’ve never seen before.
God, I am lucky to be sitting here. One sip of coffee, little bug friends and a breeze in the upper canopy. I see no humans. I hear them behind me grinding the next batch of coffee and tinkering teacups away for cleaning. To block out the cars driving down the steep jungle road behind me, I pop in Airpods and play an instrumental track to help me focus on my writing and watercolors. I was born to live in a quiet world. Now I escape the growing chaos, retreating to the untouched spaces so I may be touched by them, so I may wake up in a dream again. Black birds, black butterflies, and the gnawing chatter of a trillion bugs I cannot see. I thought I’d travel across the globe to write love stories about the many men I’ve known, so many men. Now, I’m here and my pen writes about this moment. I’ve lost interest in whatever happened back in America. Our dealings were tangled, toxic and thrilling. The only way to cope was to tame myself with rigid routine and a not entirely convincing mantra, “I am content.” A voice was screaming in my head; settle down and be at peace, why don’t you?! and another voice screamed back, I must get out of here! Get me out of here! I lost my sense of wonder for a moment. After writing on the cliff of Uluwatu and this cliff in the Ubud jungle, why and how would I ever go back to writing in a Stripmall Starbucks in America? Free birds are playing in the air, soaring between the green and blue.
For the first time in my life I don’t have to go back. Where do you want to go? I just want to stay free. I feel called back to the ocean. A single focus feels good. At Uluwatu Beach there is one focus…the waves. Everyone sitting on the cliff and in the sand is staring out, mesmerized by the water rolling in. Nothing else exists or matters. By comparison, Ubud is chaos; so many people all doing different activities, each with their own interests and types of energy, different body types and speeds. In surfer paradise, everyone looks the same, talks the same, feels the same; living in rhythm with the ocean we are united. Everyone focused on something together is relaxing. In Uluwatu, everyone was focused on the ocean. Life revolved around the sunsets. Fo r my love of the sunsets am I forever linked to the west coasts of this world? That’s where the sunsets are meeting me, pastels and fire sparkling at the edge of the land.
Love & Rainbows, Cha Wilde