Three weeks ago, something inside me decided to say a giant YES and I texted Lindsay (my IFS healer, a doula and an expert in creative writing). I asked Lindsay to coach me, to help me write a book.
“A book is banging on my mind, pestering me. I see many paths forward and it’s a new world for me to create structure in writing. For 22 years I’ve written free flow in my journal, poems, songs and blog posts. I’m comfortable with the create and move on. I’m uncomfortable with the review, edit, craft and work on writing project for long long time. I would love to find some clarity on ways I can progress that honors and excited all my parts. They are currently afraid of overwhelm, being spread thin, starting a project and getting bored, perfectionism, getting sidetracked, not having enough fun, not doing it efficiently. I am open to working with a coach and it’s important to me that we use IFS in the creative process. You’re the perfect person to guide me through this.”
This book has been flooding me, pouring in with intense passion. I drive around Koh Chang on the lime green scooter, catching the words in the wind. I pull over to the dusty roadside and draw my phone out of the side pocket of my orange backpack. I frantically type the sentences as they arrive, shove the phone back in the bag and drive off again, zooming through the sun speckled jungle roads (which are in astoundingly great condition)!
Thousands of words are filling my handwritten journal, phone memos, word documents, and text messages. The universe is recently when you show up to collaborate with her. “Oh you wanna play?” She says with a hungry smile. “Alrighty then. Get ready.” And so begins another epic journey of creation, another all consuming project, another deep dive into the soul space, another attempt to explain and understand what may always remain a the mystery, another fun way to pass day by day giving me a little purpose to please my ego and distract me from existential dread, a playful way to express the many parts I live with and care for inside me, another contribution to this human culture, another offering making use of my gifts, another way to let go of whatever I’ve been clinging to for so long, another way to spend more time with my friends, another way to liberate myself from the past and being light into the world, another obsession, another playground, another attempt to be god, another opportunity to surrender to something greater than myself, and just another project.
My day has revolved around my morning journaling habit for decades, especially strong in the past five years. It’s my favorite part of everyday. Now, to their great delight, my writer parts are being allowed more hours in each day to play. Hours and hours. I’m alone on a tropical island. Thousands of people are hidden around me in bungalows, tattoo parlors, noisy bars with off vibes, beachy shacks, vegetarian restaurants, and taxi trucks. I’m ignoring them all. I’m not here to make friends. I’m here to be along with my parts, their stories, these empty pages I’ve agreed to fill quickly, and a lot of coffee, melting chocolate, smoothies, fine grains of yellow sand, long joyrides on the scooter, and a sun so hot it will melt me if I leave the shade. I’ve carved out time for solitude, reflection and creation. Leave me be. I’m going deep.
As I write this story, I am also writing about the process of writing. I’m happy to share some of these updates with you on this blog.
If you’re excited to follow the development of this book project more intimately, join my studio members (my online community) where I’ll be sharing more detailed project updates, reflections on writing, behind the scenes of my creative writing project, and sneak peeks. With studio members I’ll be sharing snippets of my writing and video clips of me reading and offering commentary on this work.
