Am I doing it right? Maybe if I keep asking questions I won't make a fool of myself. Questions will lead to answers which lead to understanding which lead to perfect action which lead to me looking badass. Right? It seems like a good action plan but I'm actually sabotaging myself. Davey is teaching me how to workout with kettlebells and I'm feeling so vulnerable (I've felt shy to workout in front of guys my entire life. I remember finding a plethera of excuses to skip or sit out of PE (especially during baseball season) because I didn't want to look stupid, uncoordinated, or unattractive in front of boy --- geez this is lame...but true). So now when the hottest guy EVER is asking me to haul a 30lb cast iron sphere into the air by thrusting my invisible penis forward, I'm recoiling. Every cell in my body is trying to avoid looking awkward or unattractive and so every five seconds I'm placing the kettlebell back on the ground and berating him questions about form and technique. Maybe he'll appreciate my 'desire to get it right' or maybe he's finding it annoying and wishing I would just shut up and swing the bell. That's what I'm wishing anyway. Shut up Chamonix! But the voices, insecurities, questions are flooding my brain circuits and it's almost impossible to perform the physical movement. The overthinking is sucking all the energy that my brain needs to coordinate the body parts. What am I going to do? Hmmmmm... Yoga is always the solution. I lock my eyes onto a little rock on the ground in front of me. I focus on my breath and silently in my head I say, "inhale....exhale....inhale...exhale...". I start swinging the bell and every time a feel a thought or questions running towards me, I focus more intently on the breathing so my mind is so consumed by the words INHALE & EXHALE that there literally isn't any space in my conscious mind for other thoughts. And just like that, miraculously, I'm swinging the kettlebell and Mr. Hotstuff is clapping and laughing with joy, celebrating my success. Point of my story: whether you're attempting to swing a kettlebell in front of a hottie, play music in front of people, or do anything in this life that scares you and makes you feel vulnerable...focus on one thing and breath. Get so focused on one thing that everything else (including the distraction of fear that's holding you back) melts away. This is meditation. // Cha
