I used to be a dreamer. Now I'm a dream-doer. If you're new to dreaming, here's how it works. You're about to dive into a deeper level of living, led by your own intuition towards a higher purpose that makes you feel alive. You're going to start getting punches in your gut, strange ideas in your head that feel like instructions and eventually these nudges or invitations to behave in a new way are going to become so fucking annoying that it will be painful to ignore them and taking action will be the only solution. Obeying this intuition is like following a spiritual GPS and the set destination is your dream...whatever your soul longs to do next. Following this will make you feel ALIVE! And isn't that what we all want out of life? To feel alive?
What does it mean to feel alive??? Alive is the opposite of dead. To feel the difference between alive and death, you need to know both. So doing things that bring you close to death will make you feel alive (because you'll realize you are NOT dead...you're the opposite...you're ALIVE!!!). Skydiving can make you feel like you're physically going to die so duhhh it's an easy option. But what about your other fears?
Why is it scary to perform on stage? Perhaps this deep chemistry and logic is cranking through your brain.... If I sing on stage and it's terrible, I could be judged and rejected which means I will be excluded from the group in some fashion and being excluded could be very dangerous because humans need humans to survive and thrive. If I'm rejected by my fellow humans I might be left to fend for myself in the wild. I MUST fit in and belong or else I am in danger. Must not risk my safety...must not do something that could jeopardize my safety in the group. And so we don't perform. -- Just a hypothesis ;)
Ironically, when people put themselves out there and are vulnerable on stage, they are often embraced and celebrated by our culture. You might find a greater sense of acceptance and belonging. But still, it's a risk -- we've all seen the TV singing competitions that encourage the entire country to laugh at and mock people who sound a certain way when they sing wholeheartedly. Frankly, I find it disgusting and it's one of the things that really fueled my own fears of singing publicly.
I want us to remember that we are all human who desperate want to belong. When you see someone risking their life because they want to feel alive...catch them with a big hug and celebrate! They jumped out of the plane, they wanted to live and they took the risk and they could have died but because of YOU they landed safely with a buzz of happy adrenaline.
Please, jump. I want to see you fly. // Cha
Here's a photo timeline of a performance I did at the Skylark Cafe in West Seattle.
PHOTO 1) It starts with me at home, drinking water like a man who's been stuck in the desert for years, hoping that hydrating will scare away the nerves.
PHOTO 2) Oh god, I'm driving.
PHOTO 3) Here we are. No turning back now. Friends are driving to watch.
PHOTO 4) Oh god, they want to photograph me.
PHOTO 5) Awkward laugh or real laugh - don't remember.
PHOTO 6) Real laugh - I love my friends and my fiance is playing my guitar :)
PHOTO 7) Singing my songs, forgetting the words, looking my lyrics on a cheatsheet paper (which is never a good idea, it ALWAYS fucks me up because it distracts me from the present moment and the music.) BUT I DID IT and I felt all buzzy and excited afterwards. Not proud of my terrible performance (really it was shit) but I'm proud of my ability to push myself to do things that scare me...sometimes just to see if I can. To remind myself that I'm in control...of somethings.
