I wait on my scooter for the traffic to pass. Delays are unusual on this small town road. Today, I see a caravan of scooters headed to a ceremony, a large family traveling through town in lace and white headbands, children on the laps of aunties and the young men in their stylish shirts. I’m on my way to get a foot massage. I love the ladies at this small spa who never stop smiling. They bring me sweet ginger tea. I sit in throne in the middle of a tropical garden, water fall to my left and the blue sky above. I sat here months ago when the rain poured. Dry beneath the gazebo, the lovely ladies rub the soles of my feet and I drift off into simple pleasure. The more I relax, the more good ideas flow to me. I lift my phone from my purse and type a few notes before the massage pulls me under again…

I write songs, blog posts and journals. I am writing my first novel.
I’m traveling to beautiful places that make my spirit feel open.
I want something new, to be whisked away.
My life is perfect and it’s boring me.
I’m healthy and in control, stable, and I want a thrill. I feel stuck.
I want to socialize and I want to be alone.
I want to be outside and I want to nap inside.
I want to work and I don’t.
I want to go home and I don’t.
I want to perform and Im tried of performing.
I want to try something new and I want to embrace my essential routine.
I want to know where all of this is leading.
I guess I’m living in the unknown right now. So be it. I can hold myself here a while long.
What cacoon or pressure cooker am I in?
What have I prayed for that’s being answered now?
What contrast will I welcome in next?
I need to be small and very simple.
I want my sweet nature returned to me. It’s the only thing worth living for.
I want my community and I want to lead it again.
I want to be home, the safe haven.
I feel the rumbles of financial stress under me again, subtle but present.
I feel the secure base that my husband is.
I wonder if he’ll ever be a safe haven.
Will I find that elsewhere ever again?
I want the cozy sense of home. Is that too much to ask? And a little adventure on demand.
I’m tired of trying to replicate what worked before.
I’m on to something new now.
Whatever I did before, I’ve outgrown it.
I need to lighten my load of materials and the long tasks I’ve carried on my list.
I have to surrender something, the striving. I have to be so small.
What is essential?
I’m feeling the sacrifice. I can always do something later.
What would make this fun for you?

Love & Rainbows,
Cha Wilde