I curled up into his arms and asked for help. A teardrop slid into the corner of my mouth and I didn't even know what I was asking for; not money, not help running my business, just help...anything. For months, I've seen the word "ASK" everywhere and I've taken it as a sign that I need to suck it up and ask for help in life but I haven't had the guts to make myself that vulnerable. My boyfriend held me and kiss my forehead as I explained how my bank accounts are empty, credit cards are full, I can't afford fresh vegetables so I'm living on rice and peanut butter and I don't have enough nutrients to stay focused at work so I'm feeling tired in the afternoons, I'm stressed about how I should split my energy between photography businesses, teaching yoga and practicing music, and my inbox is empty - no clients are booking photo shoots which means no money is coming in - a painfully slow season.
An hour later...
It was the most delicious bite of apple I've ever tasted. Another tear rolled down my cheek as I felt how hungry my body was for nutrients and how sweet and delicious the apple tasted. I've never been so grateful. He had sent me to the grocery store with his credit card on a mission to purchase fresh veggies. I felt so ashamed that I had to ask for his help but his readiness to care for me, made me feel so loved. My best friend (who lives in Australia) also sent me a heartwarming message telling me that even though she was so far away, she would find a way to send me money or food if I need it. I would do the same for both of them in a heartbeat. This chapter of financial poverty is making me realize how rich I am in friendship and community. The more I struggle the more my compassion and desire to help others grows. This brief 'starving artist' period of my life is a blessing.
I woke up this morning with a smile, a super hot loving boyfriend by my side, and this passage waiting on my Kindle....
“If you don’t ask, you’ll never get.
Sure, you may only get a little bit at a time.
But if you don’t ask, 100 percent of the time you won’t get. You’ve just got to get over yourself.”