How many conversations do I have to have before I believe the words I hear coming out of everyone's mouths - including my own? I talk round and round in circles about my dreams of doing music as a career, about my passion for sharing music with other people, about my agony of trying to decide how to spend my energy between music and photography (and any of my other interests).
My entire life I have known my love for music and felt a deep calling to devote myself to it fully. Until I was 25 I completely avoided musical opportunities because of fear. I've spend the past couple years crawling slowly out of my fear-trench. Everytime someone asks those questions like "If you could only do one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?" and "What is the one thing that fills your heart with joy?", my answer is always "MUSIC!!!" Without hesitation. At first I was afraid to say that outloud because I worried about what other people would think. Now I declare it freely but fear to take action in that direction because it requires sacrifice, big life changes, and taking a big step into the unknown.
This afternoon I was lying in the bath, cherry blossom soap bubbles in the air, asking myself,
-How badly do I really want it?
-How hard am I willing to work for it? (Because that's the only thing that matters. Dreams don't do shit. Only hard work gets you to where you want to be.)
-What is the next thing I want to experience in life?
-What makes my eyes sparkle?
-What doesn't feel like work?
-What am I willing to sacrifice for?
-What lights me up and feels meaningful?
-What makes me feel at peace?
I was splashing my legs in the bath water and my soul was yelling at me....
"Holy crap, Chamonix - how many times do we have to go over this? How many more signs do you need? How many more times do you need to tell yourself that music is what you want to focus on before you finally listen to yourself? Jesus! Just do it already. I know you are unsure and scared but guess what, if people waited until they had 100% confidence in their dreams nothing would be accomplished.
The very nature of going after your dream is that it's a step into the unknown. You're never going to be free of doubts. It's like having kids, you're never going to feel 100% prepared or confident. It's like being lost at sea with a DIY compass - you have no idea if the compass is accurate but it's the only chance of survival you've got. Make your best guess and take action. If it fails, you did the best you could with what you had. You are navigating the desire of your soul and the course of your life.
The compass of your heart is fuzzy to read but you're approaching the point of no return - for months you've been at a stand-still, afraid to move, slowly getting sucked down a whirlpool of destruction, and now you MUST make a decision to go left or right. Stare into the compass and make your best guess and take action. You cannot wait any longer. Staying here in stillness is sure death. We must move. Be the captain of your soul. Whichever direction you choose, we will follow wholeheartedly. Which way will it be?"
-Chamonix