My art studio is like a scratch off lottery ticket. I keep asking, “What do you want to be? What do you want me to use this space for?” I put my cello in the corner and I roll out my yoga mat. My books are on the staircase. I still need to buy plants to bring more life and nature in and I keep putting off that task. Carrying plants around seems like a daunting chore. They’re expensive, they need pots, they may get dirt on my car, I’ve got four flights of stairs to haul them up. Perhaps, I can start small with a little desk cactus. I’m dreaming of an indoor tree, 10 feet tall, growing up and across the tall ceilings. The plants make me feel safe and relaxed. It feels like home when plants are in a room. It’s difficult to create art without plants around; the room feels cold and empty, like an uninspired factory building rather than the dreamy artist studio I know it can be.
I brought my Buddha statue from our condo down to the studio. I needed a friend down here and I’ve been working next to this Buddha for years. He reminds me to stay grounded and not get stressed about work. I purchased him from a Value Village thrift store when I was starting my photography business and watching my life be overrun by workaholism. I told myself I would keep him with me always to remember to not be stressed. I got so stressed this summer during COVID that I started cleaning house and literally almost gave Buddha away, back to the Goodwill. What was I thinking! That was some serious stress…so stressed I thought it was a good idea to give away my de-stressing buddy.
I started drawing again this week. I even bought myself special blending tools and an art gum eraser. I recorded a podcast episode about the importance of spending a little money on art supplies. LISTEN: spotify / soundcloud / apple podcasts I’ve been allowing myself these little purchases to fuel my creativity. Even if money is low in the bank, it feels way better to spend $10 on drawing tools and then get on with drawing. It feels terribly blocked and soul crushing to say ‘no’ to my inner artist who just wants to play and grow. When I give myself these little gifts that blow on the flame of creativity, my energy is much higher all day long for the money making activities I must do. In other words, by not spending $10 on art supplies, I may feel discouraged and lose all motivation to earn any money at all. By spending $10 on art supplies, I may be filled with so much enthusiasm that I work harder and earn $500+ that day. It’s a game of self encouragement, abundance mindset, following the flow of inspiration, and acknowledging which activities drain energy vs. refill energy.
The ceilings are so high. It felt uncomfortable when I first moved in. I didn’t know how to fill the space. It took me a long time to walk across the room to get something out of my jacket pocket or pour another cup of tea. Walking, walking, walking. The space feels huge and naked, exposed, cold. I wanted to cozy up under the staircase like Harry Potter, buy a Japanese screens that divide rooms and construct a 'cozy corner’, hang curtains to block out the bright light shining up from the harbor. There is so much cement and metal outside and the Seattle autumn sky is so silver. It’s blinding and harsh. I like being in the studio at night when the lightening in cozy, glowing twinkles and candles. So yes, coziness is the direction I’m heading in now. Sectioning off areas of the studio to feel like little rooms, bringing in more blankets and soft items. I’m envisioning hanging aerial silks from the ceiling beams to fill up the space and in the summer when the wind blows in through the windows the silks will billow — colorful movement will fill the space. I’ve realized I don’t need to fill this spacious studio with stuff. I almost spent so much money buying decor and furniture. Patience and discipline to wait…and an empty bank account helps…has given me time to appreciate how I can fill this studio with energy and activity. More cleared room means I can host more people, dance wildly in the middle of the night leaping and twirling unafraid of bumping into anything. I’m renting all this space so I can safely stretch my wings and play. I can fill this space with myself.
I like to buy ‘Whoops paint’. You just go to a hardware store paint section and ask them where their shelve of mistakes and sample paints are. They usually sell cans that other people ordered but decided they didn’t want or they were just abandoned. They go for $0.50 - $25 which is a huge savings on paint which can cost upwards of $50 a can. You don’t get to request a specific color but if you see a pre-mixed color you love then you can take it. So for a couple years, I’ve been collecting these left over paints — other peoples’ trash paint. I challenged myself to paint with colors I didn’t like…just to see what I would do with it. Turns out that feels shitttty! I hate painting with colors I don’t like. The whole reason I paint in the first place is to surround myself with colors that make me happy. End. Of. Story. I hauled all these heavy paint cans with me to my parents house this summer and then I loaded them into my brother’s truck and we hauled them out to the city and up the ancient elevator of this building I’m renting. I had dozens of paint cans and in the spirit of joyful order, I’ve now sorted through them and separated the colors I love from the colors I don’t love. The colors I don’t love are being thrown away slowly — I’m a gradual person. I like to take one paint can to the trash can at a time on my way out the door rather than sweat bullets hauling lots of them around in one go. So one by one, the ugly colors are leaving. I’ve moved my favorite colors front and center. Now, when I sit down in the middle of the studio to paint, I reach out and pull these beautiful favorite colors to me. I get them all over my hands and clothes and I love it. It’s like my version of a tattoo. I’m not interested in ink tattoos. I love covering myself in paint and seeing how the paint patterns on my skin change each day. I feel really happy when I look down and see splotches of pink on my fingers and a smear of light blue on my thigh. It’s fun to go out in public like that. It’s like I’m waving a little flag that say, “Hey everybody, I’m an artist and I love to make a colorful mess!” It’s a lifestyle and I’m enjoying it.
Since moving into the studio I haven’t felt much like painting. I seem to be very easily troubled by these life transitions. Moving into a new space is so unsettling and it takes me a few months to wriggle into the place and establish my new routine. I LOVE routine. I love my daily rituals. The structure holds me to together like a skeleton and with that strong foundation I feel so free to go wild with my creative expression. I’m wild in my music, my writing, the lore I’m building in my imagination, the way I like to dance and sing, and now the way I’m DJing. It’s all so liberating for me to let loose inside those containers and the routine is what makes it possible. Without a routine, I’m floundering around with all my energy directed towards ‘what do we do next?’, just basic survival monitoring and planning. The routine takes a lot of thoughts out of my mind and decisions off my plate. I get to show up and dive into my fun playful work with more energy. Painting is an activity that I enjoy as a relaxing hobby and unless it’s linked to a routine it doesn’t happen. I love waking up and painting as part of my morning meditation. I make a cup of tea, I meditate on my breath for 10-20 minutes, I write in my journal for 3 pages, I paint while listening to music and birds and sipping my tea. I take pictures of my painting as it progresses. The photography is an essential element of my painting process. I love the documentation and viewing the colors as they appear on the screen of my phone or camera. It feels really complete once I photograph it. It’s about the whole ceremony of enjoying the colors as they appear in the cans, on the brushes, on the canvas, and then in the photograph. The whole thing makes me feel so relaxed and happy. So the move to the city threw off this painting routine and after 3 months, I finally opened a can of paint. I didn’t know where to start so I started with the rainbow. One color at a time, blending them carefully together. The rainbow is always satisfying me.
I’ve been semi-offline for the past month. I went on a vacation to Mexico, came home with COVID, laid in bed for weeks (it was mild), finally got back to work and FOCUSED on work…which means social media hasn’t had the pleasure of my attention. At first, it was difficult. The social media withdrawal symptoms were dominated by loneliness and of course, holding steady led me through the dark tunnel and space started to clear. I have been finding new ways to connect with people that are much more fulfilling. Social media is mostly empty calories. I’m going in for the direct messages, text messages, emails, Voxer messages, in person meetings and small gathrings, Zoom calls. I want to connect with people directly. The mass spray out into the universe has been far too draining, depleting, disappointing for my introverted sensitive artist heart. When I put energy out there, giving myself to others, I want to know I will be receiving back. It’s a circle of life. We must give AND receive. Even a negative interaction directly with another human feels better than the empty void of the internet where digital crickets chirp…if that. So right now, you’ll find me here on my blog, on my podcast and on your phone if you have my number.
LOVE, CHA🍍WILDE
