I called Krista (my best friend) last night and told her about the crazy excitement that's currently happening in my life. I told her I feel like I'm choosing between two lifestyles.
Lifestye #1: Living in Seattle suburbia with Davey, running my photography businesses, having children, and dying one day...wondering WHAT IF I had gone for it and following my dreams to be a famous professional musician.
Lifestyle #2: Jumping off a metaphorical cliff with Vinny, selling all my stuff, traveling the world as wondering musicians on tour, connecting with new places and people, never having kids, never settling, always striving for something bigger and greater, blowing up BIG but possibly feeling ungrounded, uprooted and wondering what if I had found peace in a simple peaceful life at home.
Right now, I feel like I have no choice. I HAVE to pursue music. That WHAT IF is SOOOO huge. It's the one thing I've wanted my entire life, a desire right at the core of my being that has been overwhelming. When I was hiding it, held back by fear for years it felt like my soul was dying....withering away in the darkness of my soul. Now that I've opened the cage and set it free, I feel so alive and happy. I have to go for it. Maybe there is a compromise between these two lifestyles. Maybe I can have my homebase in Seattle - where my heart always is - but I can also have incredible opportunities to travel the world on music tours. I mean, even crazy famous touring musicians all have a home somewhere, right? And just think of all the incredible musicians that emerge from Seattle...my hometown. Maybe, I'm just the next one.
Krista replied with this message....
"My whole life I've wanted to feel excited about something, or to feel a calling or know that I have a purpose and I never have. You know, I get excited and interested in things but I never pursue them with a strong passion or desire for anything. And I always looked at people who knew what they wanted and felt envious. Like, look at that, they know what they want! If you know what your calling is, whatever that is, then my wholehearted opinion is go after it and don't look back. Cuz most people just don't know. You know, like me, most people just go about living their lies and live vicariously through movies or activities because that brings them joy and it makes them happy because they don't have this desire, they don't know what their everlasting purpose is in life. So when you know, I feel like you have this duty to go after it and to pursue it with all your heart. And who knows what's going to happen. We don't know if they'll turn out or not but we know they won't turn out if we don't try."