"Maybe you don't need them anymore," said Laura. We were sitting on a cold rooftop drinking hot tea, darkness above us and car lights below. She was talking about the post-it notes all over the walls of my music room. I wrote down every compliment and encouragement I received - little pep talks to keep me motivated as I practice music. The past year of teaching myself to play piano and produce music as required a lot of discipline and self doubt keeps rearing it's ugly head. In the moments when I stare down at my tired hands and wonder what the fuck I'm doing with my life, I'd look up at the wall and read, "Cha has got the voice!" or "Your voice is magical." and that little dopamine release would keep me going. If other people believe I can do this, then so can I. But sipping tea on the roof, I realized I never read the post-it's anymore. Somewhere along the line, I let the positivity soak into my bones and I actually believe in myself now. In fact, the post-it notes were actually harming me now because when I walk into the music room I am surrounded by the thoughts of a wannabe musician, a child artist who is struggling to believe in herself and so she constructed a den of inspiration and encouragement. Well, it worked. Just like a kid growing up who rips posters off their wall and replaces them with fine art work and family portraits, I've matured as an artist and now I'm ready to convert the den into a professional studio. The walls are blank. The instruments are organized. We've cleared the way for creation. The room used to have energy circling around and around, positive affirmations and rambling ideas and visions. Now it's spacious and clear, a vessel for something greater to swoop in. No distractions. Just the music. I don't have to convince myself I'm an artist anymore, now I just am. I have a lot of shit to do and nothing is so sweet as a blank slate. // Cha
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