Never ask me to wake you up. I HATE waking people up. It's not sooo bad when you just tap their shoulders and say, "hey, wake up" but if they roll over and hit your forehead like it's a snooze button, I'm OUT! This aversion to being a mommy-type alarm clock probably stems from being raised by a family of early-risers, having to carpool with a best friend who literally had to be dragged out of bed by the foot, and having a boyfriend in college who was depressed and needed my help getting up each day. I'm done! If you want to wake up early, set an alarm like a big kid...like ME for heavens sake, and get your own ass out of bed!....So this morning I helped my boyfriend wake up....deep breaths....and the shaking of his shoulders and whispering in his ear drained by fresh morning energy. It was 6:34am and I'm running behind. I hit the snooze button and my whole fucking day ahead is thrown off track. I'm never going to get in the zone at work now. How can I be in a good mood when my boyfriend walks out for breakfast - I'm stressin' inside -- ahh! There are so many things I want to do, so many projects, so many cool jobs and workshops to teach and friends to hang out with and classes to take. It breaks my heart that I can't do it all but I do as much as I can each day. SO when I wake up late, I feel like I've lost precious time, my pulse quickens and FOMO {fear of missing out} kicks in. .... Okay, so am I over-reacting? Crazy? This is often what it's like inside my head. I feel like a fire-breathing dragon that trips and gets burned by it's own flames. My drive to grow & achieve is so great that sometimes it overpowers me and I suffer, feeling unsatisfied, stressed to keep up and stressed about the fact I'm so stressed. In crazy moments like this, I step outside and spread my ribs wide with fresh breath. I listen to the birds singing and imagine being an old woman reflecting back on this life I've lived. She says, "Chill the fuck out Chamonix. Just enjoy the moment, both creating and resting. It's not about the accomplishments. It's about having fun while being busy accomplishing them. If you get stressed, you're not doing it right. Fun. Chill. Fun. Celebrate." Refreshed by this pep-talk from future me, I returned to breakfast with boyfriend. 'Oh hey look!' I say, 'A ladybird has landed on me.' I let the speckled insect explore my finger for a minute. I decide that the ladybird shall be a remind of this life lesson from old me. "Chill the fuck out and have fun with it." I shall call it my ladybird mantra. // Cha
