Boy stress, financial stress, never getting enough work done, desperately needing me time. Jesus...I've felt totally drained without even realizing it. Days go by and I haven't played music. That is like a red flag from hell. Chamonix is a constant music machine. If the music ain't churnin' something inside is destructively burnin'. lol But I've been stuck in that bad place where the very thing I need to make myself do (get up, move, rest, dance, sing, play, laugh) all seems totally impossible. This week I was in a deep dark rut - an existential crisis was sinking in and even music felt meaningless. Bleh! I only escaped by listening to a video of me singing "I Choose You", cuddling with Davey, walking around the neighborhood talking with Vinny on the phone, and finally sleeping.
Vinny told me that often before the weather changes, there is a pressure build up in the atmosphere. You can feel a change is coming and it's intense. Davey told me that before his wrestling matches he would be nervous if he really cared about winning. If he was nervous he performed well. If he wasn't nervous it was a bad sign. Vinny told me the same thing about performing in music. If you aren't nervous before going on stage, something is wrong. This is where my life is right now.
Both of these amazing men helped me see clearly - a change is coming. I'm about to do something great. I'm feeling the intensity brewing in the air around me. I feel the nerves and stress building in my system. I'm not drowning and failing. I'm amping up to something incredible. Suddenly nerves become excitement. I woke up the next morning ready to tackle the world and a new sharpie tattoo on my wrist as a vital reminder of what keeps my spirits lifted....PLAY MUSIC.
-Chamonix
PS: Remember...you're a boss. Go kill it.