"That's the first time in 14 years!" The sweet Japanese waitress was shocked. "Why did you all turn over your paper placemats?" she had asked. My family laughed, pointed to me and a said, "She doesn't like advertisements and she told us to turn them over and we did what she said." The paper placemats had a Japanese ad for bottled water on the front and they were plain white on the back. I knew my Boxing Day sushi dinner would be much more enjoyable if the table looked prettier; i.e. not covered in ads and distracting graphics. Turning over the paper was such an easy little way to improve the table atmosphere; small input for big reward. And yet nobody else thought of it, or had the guts to do it (too polite?)...or perhaps nobody else was bothered by the ads in the first place. I guess I'm proud of the fact that I seem to be a pioneer in these random acts of life improvement but I'm also confused by my fellow humans lack of awareness or lack of action. Is everyone just eating sushi in a mindless spaced out daze? It's the same for home decor and interior design - random shit laying around, mismatched furniture (not in a good way), clutter, no plants, no fragrances, no intention behind the environment that we spend most of our lives in. Atmosphere place such a big role in how I feel on a subconscious level; how well I focus, how positive I feel, how relaxed I can be. It's such a priority to me and I struggle to understand how other people are obvious to it...or maybe they notice it too but they don't know how to fix it? Maybe those who can afford it hire interior designers and everyone else whose broke just suffers in the nastiness wishing they knew how to decorate their lives better? Or maybe everyone is complacent, they've just grown accustomed to being constantly surrounded by unintentional messiness and advertisements? Anyway, if you feel how I feel, start looking for the most simple solutions like turning over your placemats. People might look at you funny at first but take comfort knowing you're a pioneer and maybe placemat by placemat, the people who meet you will start waking up.
Clarity Cracks Under Pressure
Everything was shaking. My brother in law and I are holding a plank for 90 Seconds after Christmas dinner...cuz it's good for digestion. Feeling fatigued, I wanted to quit. To distract myself I focused on the dilemma I'd been thinking over all day. What projects will I focus on in 2017? My body was struggling and holding a thought in my mind was almost impossible. These moments of physical intensity are ripe for mental clarity. I ask myself one question and the most important answer will always rise to the surface. I like to say that 'clarity cracks under pressure.' On the occasion my answer was "28 performances". If I only accomplish one thing in 2017, it will be performing at least 28 times on stage with my guitar. That will be enough because that's what's most important to me. Any other accomplishments will be bonus. Next Christmas, I will be holding another shaky plank with Pete, remembering all my performances, looking back at the moment I found clarity in my goal and I will feel proud.
A seal popped it's little black head out of the water and I cozied into the pink cushions with my white wine. Christmas dinner at the family beach house in Gig Harbor and I'm reflecting on goals I accomplished this year. I lost weight, I wrote 27 songs, I paid off my personal debt, I faced my fear of singing in public,and my photography business earned $50,000. I have so many ideas for things I want to do in 2017 and it's overwhelming. I want to perform 28 times, record an album, write a book, create a childrens animated film, start a podcast about happiness, write a music inspiration blog, pay off my business debt, have my photo business earn $75,000, go to burning man, maybe do Vipassana...oh and I want to do yoga and drink green juice everyday...oh and start a veggie garden.
Follow one course until success AND go an inch wide and a mile deep, instead of a mile wide and an inch deep. - wisdom from John Lee Dumas from Entrepreneur on Fire.
You have to focus hardcore like fire boiling a pot of water.
Worrying is Stupid Because a Phoenix Rises for Christmas
"It's chaos in here!" My sister in law, Molly, ran through the kitchen laughing, searching for normal English tea bags, my boyfriend Davey was stirring the breakfast eggs, a conversation about Iraqi politics was wafting through the air and I was soaking it all in gleefully like a little puppy. I never thought my parents home would be full of people and happy on Christmas again. We've been through growing up drama, divorce and workaholics in the past years and it celebrations were getting depressingly empty. Nobody wanted to be there and instead of growing bigger with new generations it was getting smaller with separation. I felt like the holidays would never be cozy again, let alone bustling with joyful life. So today as smiling people zoomed around me, music filled the air and many helping hands danced around the kitchen I was floating on a happy cloud.
This is just another example of this lesson life keeps teaching me: everything changes and you have no idea what lies around the corner so don't bother worrying or getting stressed, it always changes. When you feel like everything is burning to the ground, a Phoenix rises from the ashes.
Oh and Santa brought me a "happy mug", a pretty pink scarf, money for my trip to Australia and a loop pedal!!
Merry Christmas Beautiful Friends // Cha
Killing My Kitchen Yoga Idea
I'm staring at my left big toe, the one that has the bruised toe nail, and suddenly an idea bonks me in the head. I'm going to call it "Kitchen Yoga!" It's an Instagram account (or some other social media avenue) that guides you through a 1 minute yoga routine that you can do in your kitchen while you wait for your kettle to boil (or your food to microwave). At the beginning of 2016, I created a workout plan for myself that changed my life. I lost 20 pounds that year and it all started with 10 squats every time I go to the bathroom. That was it. One simple easy rule. Integrating those squats into my bathroom routine made my lifestyle more 'active' and got the ball rolling. It became easier to do other forms of exercise because I was forming a habit of moving all day long. I am now a die-hard advocate for tiny lifestyle changes that lead to big results. So back to 'Kitchen Yoga' ... I am a yoga teacher and yet I struggle to get my ass on the mat. I blame it on the longer-than-I-want-to-drive commute to my yoga studio. I've told myself for years that instead of driving to the studio I'll just 'practice at home'... yah right, never happens. Why? Lazy. Distractions. Still time-consuming. Finally, I put two and two together and remembered my successful squats strategy. I've started integrating yoga into my daily life in the most concentrated form possible. I do sun salutations while I wait for my tea kettle to boil in the morning. That's it. Nothing special but better than nothing. As is to be expected, the kettle boils and I feel good and actually want to keep doing more yoga - but I don't. I stop myself to "leave hungry", as my ex-husband always says (it makes you eager to return for more later). So why not share my "Kitchen Yoga" idea with the world. I'm qualified to teach, it could really help people, and bonus points for using my business skills to make some money from it. I get hit in the head with ideas like this at least twice a day. I can't bring every idea to life or else nothing will get done. I gotta focus. So today, "Kitchen Yoga" is going into my "Idea Graveyard Jar". If you like it and want to bring it back to life you have my permission to hold a seance. // Cha
Melting Down Over Green Juice
"Chin up." He stood before me all handsome in his collered shirted and short shorts. My boyfriend was about to leave for work and I was standing by the kitchen skin trying to stop my bottom lip from hitting the hardwood floor. I was trying to make us green juice for breakfast but the kitchen was such a mess from all of my roommates baking Christmas cookies and a steak dinner from two nights ago. I couldn't find a cutting board for the vegetables and that was the last ounce of my willpower - zap! gone. And it's only 9:50am. I've been running on fumes this week trying to edit family portrait sessions before Christmas, bake 700 cookies that I'm going to hand-deliver to my clients, prepare Christmas gifts and somehow also squeeze in rest, socializing and healthy living (totally failing by the way, all I've been eating is sugar cookies and liking icing off my guilty fingers). So this morning, when he gave me that look across the kitchen and tears started welling up in my eyes I truly felt the concept "ego-depletion" or "limited willpower". This concept is under debate but it certainly fits with my experience - when I'm fully charged I can conquer the world but as the day (or week) wears on task by task I am weakened until I'm crying over a simple green juice in the kitchen. Thankfully my boyfriend started chopping vegetables for me and gave me a big smooch before he left for work. I survived with a little smile on my face and downed my juice. // Cha
Start Building Your Solar System
Recently, I heard someone describe social media as windows. Each social media platform is a different window that allows people to look into your home, i.e. your life. When you have an account on every social media platform, your life must look like Swiss cheese - covered in holes through which people can peer. This got me thinking.
Imagine a planet with a big blue sky, full of bright sunlight. This beautiful world is your life. Now imagine, a social media alien pokes a hole in your sky, the size of the sun. Now you have a black dot up in your sky. This dot lets the universe look into the world of your life and it lets you send out signals to other planets. Then another hole appears (because the Facebook Empire just invented a new app, of course). Then another, and another. How long does it take before your beautiful blue sky is covered in black pot-holes? How quickly would you close up these holes?
Why would you allow any hole to exist at all? What’s the benefit? You allow these holes to open because you love how beautiful your planet is and you want to share it with the whole universe. You like learning about other beautiful planets. You aim to woo other planets with your pretty signals in hopes those planets will move closer to you so you can form a friendly little solar-system together. Maybe, now that the whole galaxy can peer into your life, you’re worried your planet is not beautiful enough. You poke more holes in your sky to show off more and more of your pretty home, spreading your signals across the blackness of space, hoping that if planets on the other side of the universe hear all these great things about your planet they’ll sing your praises and you’ll feel more confident that your home really is as beautiful as you say it is. Then surely, you’ll be able to lay on the grass and gaze up with some peace of mind at whatever specks of blue remain in your sky.
What if there’s another way? What if you could enjoy other planets and feel happy and keep your sky big and blue? What if redirected your energy away from sending signals and focused on moving yourself physically closer to other planets? You could move into such tight proximity with other planets that you orbit each other and see one another up close, like colorful moons, in your skies. Then, instead of just telling each other through projected words and pictures about your pretty places, you could admire each other with your own eyes and delight in spinning through space together. In your tightly woven solar-system you could lay on your back and look up at your sky and watch the sunrise over another planet’s mountain peaks or stare mesmerized by the swirling clouds over another planet’s oceans. The magical events on other planets would suddenly become part of your own world; a feature in your landscape, a wonderful sight to see when admiring your view. Inviting these other planets to move so close to your atmosphere would enhance your world’s beauty beyond measure, completely eliminating those prior concerns or lack of confidence you once held. Would that not be so much more rewarding than hovering in space alone, with a black pot-holed sky, endlessly sending and receiving invisible signals that promise the beauty of some far away place?
To consider before poking another hole in your sky:
1) How much of your blue sky are you willing to sacrifice?
2) Are you ready to stop building a following and start building a solar system?
The Patience of an Not-Starving Artist
It's almost painful. I'm sitting at my computer editing photos and afterwards I need to go decorate Christmas cookies that I'm giving to my clients. But all I want to do is go play piano. Work first, then play. Gotta make money. I don't have anything to complain about because I love my job as a photographer but even still I have to force myself to focus. It's so easy to think, "Music is my priority in life so I should do that first, right?" Oh I'm so good at making excuses to take breaks and play music. I'm strengthening my discipline muscle, reminding myself that I have to reserve music for free time so I can build a business that supports me financially so I can have more freedom for music later.
I aim to play music multiple hours a day but sometimes during the work week, things get so busy I can barely squeeze in 30 minutes and sometimes I skip all together. I feel guilty for not practicing and I have negative thoughts like "If you skip practice you'll never accomplish your goals. 'Being Busy' isn't a valid excuse. You have to do your practice even if it means you have to stay up late past bedtime." But then the little angel on my shoulder will whisper... "Sleep is important. It's better to skip a few days of practice and stay happy and healthy. Don't push so hard that you burn out and don't beat yourself up for not practicing. If it's important to you, you'll find a way to make time without destroying your health. Day by day you'll figure out your routine and eventually you'll achieve your goals. Be the tortoise, not the hare. Be patient."
There is no glory in being a starving artist.
There is no victory in burning out.
Be patient and kind to yourself.
Practice because you love it.
You'll get there eventually.
// Cha
Can You Do One?
My butt doesn't remember what my meditation cushion feels like. It's been a while and my mala beads are growing rusty. Meditation is hard, people! Although I'm very impressed with my ex-husband who has apparently been meditating 20 minutes daily for the past 3 months. Legend! Meditation, yoga, running, journaling, piano practice, writing a book, writing a letter to a friend...it's all so intimidating and time consuming. So I've given up. I'm not longer forcing myself to squeeze into these "life skinny jeans". These days I'm just asking myself, "Can I do one?" Can I meditate for just one minute? Can I run for one minute? Can I do one yoga sun salutation? Can I write one paragraph in my book or letter? Can I practice piano for just one minute? Just one? The answer is ALWAYS yes. So I do one...and then one more...and then one more. But most importantly, I never ever make myself do 'one more'. Only if I want to. // Cha
"If you know you can do better, then do better." - anon
"if you know you can do one, then do one." - chamonix
You Have a Little Librarian in Your Head
Ever heard of the peacock pose? It's a yoga pose that I failed at terribly and didn't try again for years. Then one magical day, I sprouted little peacock wings and got upgraded to yoga guru status. This stuff happens all the time in yoga; you don't practice something, in fact you forget about it completely, and on a random whim one day you make another attempt and suddenly it's easy. WTF? I experienced the same thing when I started ice skating and now when I'm playing music. Basically, you're brain is still busy figuring out the puzzle, even long after you've gone to sleep. Gears are a tickin'. when I was preparing for exams in high school, my dad always told me "When you're taking a test, before you answer the question, take a deep breath, count to three and remember that you have a little librarian in your head".
To this day, I ask this wee librarian a question and he runs off into the stacks of books to find my answer. Sometimes he finds the book right away and sometimes he goes hunting for days and then suddenly when I'm in the Safeway check-out line....BOOM...he slams the book down on the counter, "Here's the name of that actor you asked me for at the dinner party last week. Sorry it took a while." This was one of the greatest gifts my father's ever given me because it gave me the ability to stop worrying and move on. These days my worrying is over how quickly my music skills are improving. So today I remind myself...I've got an entire team of librarians at work. Meanwhile, just keep having fun banging pots in the lobby. // Cha
My First Argument with My Boyfriend is Over Trolls?
"You're wrong!" We've been dating for 1.5 years and my boyfriend and I just had our first heated argument...over whether or not Justin Timberlake is compromising the quality of his voice while harmonizing during the song "True Colors" in the movie Trolls. (cue eye rolling)
He thinks Justin is 'coming down to Anna Kendrick's singing level" and if she had a more dynamic vocal range then his harmony would also be more dynamic to compliment. I see his point but I stood by the assumption that everything was intentional, not based on vocal ranges so much as a preferred style. Neither of us really know what we're talking about anyway but for some reason the blood was boiling.
I never stick to my guns. I'm always quick to concede because I don't think arguing is ever worth the effort. I don't get stubborn or prideful with opinions but I surprised myself tonight. Maybe because this whole thing started because he said "I really want to see Trolls again." to which I replied, "I think it's my favorite movie ever, especially the song True Colors." and then it all went downhill and I'm angry that a little black rain cloud passed over my new favorite movie. No he's downstairs playing Final Fantasy and I'm in my music room writing this blog post. Who's going to say sorry first? GRRR....
// Cha
Turn Your Wishes into Action Plans
My ears are ringing. I sip my Earl Grey tea and pout a little. I'm waiting for a beautiful at-home concert but my brother is monopolizing with guitar solos (sorry dude, you're totally guilty and you know it lol) and his friends are cranking up the volume on their own instruments. The house is shaking with battling musicians.
I stare down at my cute thigh high white socks and wiggle my toes. I imagine how satisfyingly delightful it would be to stand up as a self-appointed conductor and lead this make-shift band out of confusion-land and into music-from-heaven-land. If only I had the music skills to know how to piece everything together and save the day. I wish...
Whenever I catch the words, "I wish..." leaving my mouth, I firmly remind myself that "a wish is a deep desire that can be brought to life through action and if ignored may fester into regret." I treat "I wish ___" as a breadcrumb on my life-long scavenger hunt down the yellow-brick road of happiness. It's a little flag that waves me in the direction I truly want to go, saying "Hey! Focus on this, go this way!"
I replace the word "wish" with the word "will" and follow it up with "by" and it looks like this....
THE WISH: "I wish I knew how to lead a band to create beautiful music."
THE ACTION PLAN: "I will know how to lead a band to create beautiful music by studying music theory, working with a band, and learning from conductors." ... (or something like that)
After writing out this little action plan, my wish feel more real. It's no longer just an imaginary daydream, it's now a course of action, a to-do list, potential SMART goal (if it's not a SMART goal, it's not a goal - it's just a dream). So this morning, I shall sip more Earl Grey tea and ponder this wish and whether or not it's worthy of becoming a SMART goal.
// Cha
Voice Feels Trapped At Home
I can hear my boyfriend sorting his laundry. My voice feels trapped in my throat. If I were home alone I would belt it out right now. What am I afraid of?
Being Mediocre.
I'm embarrassed to not be amazing.
Only because he knows that I dream of being great.
This means that if I'm mediocre, then I'll appear foolish.
I'm embarrassed by my lyrics. They're too honest to be comfortable
I could remind myself that I'm good but it's better to remind myself that being good doesn't matter. What matters is having fun. Be a trickster.