Singing on Seattle Skyscrapers at Night

The wind blew across my legs and I opened my eyes. The skyscrapers of Seattle were sparkling in the night and I was up in the high air with them; singing my songs on a rooftop, dozens of listening ears pointed my way. I was totally fucking up the guitar chords, distracted by thoughts and faces but I kept playing. I swayed around searching for the microphone with my voice and I smiled at the girl I had befriended a few minutes before performing. "How did it feel?" Spence asked me after I played my final song. I blabbed some filler words about how I could do better but I had fun. He asked me again, "But how did it feel?" 

Driving home through the midnight across the I90 floating bridge, I asked myself this question again and again. Spence wasn't asking me how I performed or how well I played. He asked me how it felt. It seemed like the kind of question that only another artist would think to ask. It felt tight and open at the same time. My body was tense, I hardly moved and my throat was croaky but I was also singing without paralyzing fear, I was singing on a rooftop, people were cheering for me, a bird and a plane flew over my head and the sky was purple. It felt amazing and forced at the same time. I figure I am experiencing a phase of transition during which performing is both new, scary, tense and full of overthinking and it is also a step in the right direction so it feels liberating, fun, aligned, and dare I say the word 'right'. 

❤ Thank you so much Justin Blaney for hosting a beautiful evening of Art on the Rooftop.
❤Thank you to the joyful & courage artists who stepped in front of the mic [Spence Hood], to the stylish mamas who took the time to put together gorgeous outfits [Heidi / The Rogue Essentials] and [Alisha / @alishanakamura.hair], to the big personalities that made me laugh, and to friends who are always there in the crowd winking at me [Nikki / @nikkitarex] [Valerie / La Fonda]. -- LOVE! CHA

When You're Afraid to Step into the Spotlight

"If you're just afraid then you need to balls up and do it but if you really don't want this, you don't have to do it. You know that, right? No one will think any less of you if you don't do this. You know? You followed your heart, you took risks, you did what you wanted to do and now if you don't want to do it anymore then you don't have to. No one is holding you to this and so you don't need to hold yourself to it. Self love, babe. How do you react to attention? Think about it. You love teaching. You love leading photo shoots. You're in control. You're the boss. You run the show. You thrive on that. What makes you think this spotlight on stage is any different? You love this shit. You're different than your brother. He's amazing but he's chill playing in the bedroom. You've always run out into the spotlight. You love being there. Not because you're vapid and need approval or purely attention seeking. You're doing what you love and it involves a spotlight. That's okay. Any judgement and negativity around it is all societal and bugs in the system. Just because you're a celebrity or have fame does not control how you act or who you are. You can be a diva and be mean to the barista who fucked up your order at Starbucks or you can be chill and grateful that she made you a coffee even if it wasn't exactly what you ordered. If you start posting vapid shit online and acting condescending to people, I'm going to call you on it. But who you are naturally, is never that way. Do what you love and you do it your way. I think it's time for you to focus on creating that happy music. You used music to express a lot of difficult emotions but now it's time to take a break from that and get excited about thing new stuff you're doing that fits better with your personal growth in life. Do the stuff that makes you feel happy and free. [insert hug and a bunch of 'boy-brain' problems] Wanna hang out after work?"

N for Cha / July 2018 / Emergency best friend moment at Starbucks on our Thursday lunchbreak

When You're Stressing to Find a New Job Immediately

"Stop searching for a new job on Craigslist. It's a waste of your time. Go to networking meetings. Set up coffee dates with people, especially people who are doing the work you're interested in getting into. Just keep meeting people. The more you talk, you'll get more clarity on exactly what you want, what you have to offer (and what's needed) and you'll have more people in your network who can help you make it happen. You never know who knows who; the network system is an incredible web and we're all connected. I know you feel stressed and you want a new job right now, tonight. It feels urgent. You feel stuck and you don't know what to do. You're probably experiencing a fight or flight response. You feel trapped in a cage and you're banging on the walls to get out. That's not going to help. Sit down in your cage. Be still. Take a deep breath and start looking around for a clever exit. You're not strong enough to break the cage with your thrashing body. You need to control yourself long enough, accept being inside this cage long enough, so you can see clearly. In other words, don't sit around the house tonight, scrolling online job sites, wasting time stressing and trying to find the perfect quick fix. It's not going to happen and this stressy urgency isn't going to get you anywhere. Sucky, but true. Instead, use tonight to take slow intentional action. The results will take time. Reach out to people. Now, go get to work you lazy bitch." 

C for N | July 2018 | Cypress Coffee, Bellevue WA @ Closing with Guacamole

When You Can't Decide Which Project or Subject to Focus On

"Which one are you most excited about? Follow your excitement. Where is there joy? That's what's going to drive you and keep you going. This happens to me all the time with music. I wake up in the morning and I could play piano, guitar, record, researching mixing techniques, write lyrics, record videos for Instagram, schedule performances etc... Deciding which is best or more important is draining and drives me crazy. When I start with whichever one is most exciting or interesting then I feel energized and I usually end up doing other things later. If I force myself to do something I don't feel like doing then I feel drained and I don't get much else done. Plus, once you're moving, you're going to find holes in your knowledge and you'll want to start researching in other areas. These things that were previously not exciting will suddenly be interesting because now they are relevant to something else you care about. So what are you most excited about?"

C for N | July 2018 | Starbucks at Alki Beach

When You Forget What You Want in Life

"You know what you want. You jump up and down with a cheesy grin on your face when you're doing it, when it's happening. You feel chill and happy at the same time. Your imagination is buzzing with fun possibilities. Your clear, solid and assertive. You laugh at the memory of how crazy you were acting a second ago. How did I forget myself? you wonder. You were on your period. It was a full moon. You were scared. It was the first time you've faced this. You've been doing a really good job of giving it your best shot, trying to compromise, trying to make it work, trying to respect someone else. You tried but it made you cry. If you wanted that thing, you wouldn't be sitting here thinking this way. You know what you want and you know what you need to do. You gotta say it out loud and what will be will be; your feelings will get hurt or you'll be jumping for joy but either way you know what you want and you gotta do it now."

*Cha for N | June 2018 | Cafe Cesura in Bellevue @ 1pm (the next day, with more sleep)

When You Wish Music Didn't Destroy Your Social Life

"Are you kidding? I wish I had something the way you have music! I spend all day banging my head against a desk job and wishing I had a big dream that set my soul on fire. Snapchat and Tinder dates give me excitement because I don't have something else to be excited about. You think I would choose Tinder dates over chasing a dream each night? I mean, yah we all need a social life but most of these dates I'm going on are unfulfilling and it feels like I'm wasting of time. I know you have to kiss a lot of frogs and shit but most of the time I wish I knew what my passion was. Instead of texting random people and driving across town for a disappointing date, I could be thinking of cool ideas and creating something awesome like you are. I wish I could do what you're doing. I hear you saying you're lonely and you wish your phone was buzzing more, so maybe you need to go on more dates to be well rounded, but don't for a second trade your obsession for frivolous social interactions. At the end of the week you have so much more to show for yourself and what you've done with your time. It may be lonely spending all this time working alone at home but it's taking you somewhere amazing and all of us our envious. It's all going to be worth it. Plus, think about it. Most of the time when we're all out together, you're squirming wishing you were back home playing music. Or remember that time we went out dancing to Trinity night club and you literally brought your guitar in the car "just in case" haha"

*N for Cha | March 2018 | Bedroom cuddles with the cat, Tinder apps glowing in the background @ 10pm

When You're Starting to Doubt Your Dopeness

"Hey! I was just driving home and I'm high and I was just thinking about you. Not only are you an amazing songwriter and singer, but I'm just in awe of your courage to put yourself out there and your determination to practice your shit. I'm so grateful to be your friend and I love you and that's all I called to say. I love you." 

*J for Cha / July 2018 / phone call in the kitchen right as I was pacing around telling myself to believe in my own dopeness @ 9pm

When Someone Else Told You You're Over-Sharing

And that's how you were getting your first fans? You gotta do it again! Don't let someone else tell you to stop sharing. Don't be like her. I mean, look at what she chooses to share; she's not a good example of discretion. She probably just felt obligated to watch everything you were posting and it was overwhelming for her. Don't listen to her. I won't let my girl become someone like her, someone who doesn't share. These videos you're making are really cool. Keep making them and stop listening to anything she says. 

* D for Cha / June 2018 / In the kitchen while baking chocolate cake @ 11pm

When You're Shy to Post Sexy Photos Online

Posting sexy photos of myself makes me uncomfortable too. I worry everyone else is going to think I'm showing off, vain or shallow but everybody loves it when someone does it, right? We're all like "Hell ya! I'm so glad she did that." We all love it. So often when I'm scrolling and I see your posts, I'm like "Meh, that's not that interesting." or "That's not a very attractive angle." Most of your posts are of your upper body and you're kinda hunched over and focusing hard on something. You should set up a different camera angle and show of your hot long legs. That's really attractive and I'd want to see more. I know it's hard to post those photos, I feel it too. I had a really hot photo of myself in those sunglasses at Paradiso and my abs looked amazing with that stomach line and I thought "the world needs to see this sexy photo!". So I shared it but I posted it with a bunch of other photos so it wasn't on its own. It's harder to share sexy photos when you don't do it very often, but if post a whole bunch at once and get the ball rolling then it will probably just become "a thing" that we all expect and it won't seem strange or uncomfortable anymore. Start experimenting with sexier angles and you can message me your photos first and I'll tell you what I think and help you figure it out. 

*D for Cha / June 2018 / Walking Around the Neighborhood in Bellevue at 7pm

When You Feel Foolish for Pursuing a Music Career

Foolish? Are you kidding me? You have to do the music. You have to. We all have our dreams but you're actually doing it! We look at you up on the stage and I get goosebumps. "Holy shit, she's doing it." I wish I had something like your music. I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do and I'm envious. Like, we see you're nervous and you're also excited. You're so amazing. You have this awesome personality and then you sing these lyrics that are so true and powerful. I still think you can do both your photography and your music but you have to do the music. We all have our dreams and just one of us has to make it and you're doing it and we want to see it happen. Go grab your guitar and let's walk around the campsites and see if anyone is awake and you can play for them. 

*T for Cha / May 2018 / Sasquatch, in the Field at the Gorge at 4am

When You Worry Your Songs are Too Personal

"That is what makes music so powerful! You have to share that stuff. When you sing that stuff, everyone is blown away. Your lyrics are so clear and powerful and you take people to that place and it makes it so real, so in the now. They can't believe you have the courage to actually say that stuff out loud. We feel it but you're saying it. Your lyrics cut so deep. It's uncomfortable. If you don't share that stuff though, you'll just end up being another one of those musicians who held it inside and it will bottle up and you'll never feel satisfied because you never expressed it and your music will be lack-luster. That is the stuff you have to share. Yes, it hurts my feelings to hear you sing that song but I know it's a good song so I just suck up the pain and cheer you on and tell you how good it is...because those are the feelings that you have to share. You have to."

*D for Cha / June 2018 / Walking Around the Neighborhood in Bellevue at 6pm

When You Feel Like a Shit Adult

Kill it today. Go to the gym and push hard. Sit up straighter at work. Don't let sugar pass your lips. Drink your coffee slowly and visualize your dream job and your pent house in New York City. Let me tell you a secret...I've seen your future and you WIN! You get a Grammy. You win the Superbowl. You're on the New York Times Bestsellers List. You are the CEO. You have a private jet. You own a farm of llamas in Patagonia and you self-sustain on sweet potatoes. You already have it. Now go to it! You don't need to prove anything to anybody, including yourself. The best version of yourself is right here, right now. Turn it on. Use this day to recharge your bad-ass. Don't send that text message. Don't fiddle with your hair. Don't say anything derogatory about yourself. By the end of today, you'll know what to say. You'll know what to do. You'll remember who you are and what you want. Today is going to ask a lot of you, you're are going to fucking deliver and it's going to feel amazing. You got this bitch. Now fucking go. I love you. 

*Cha for N / June 2018 / Cafe Cesura in Bellevue @ 8:30am (Drinking a Soy Cortado & Hemp Latte)