LYRICS
If you wanna fly
Give up everything that weighs you down
Oh ma ma ma hey ya hey yo
CREATIVE TEAM
Cha Wilde
JOURNAL
I am on the go moving fast at the moment. Self care is squeezing in. Social life is rich and creativity is abundant. I’m loving the focus on working on one project for a solid chunk of time (30 days). 30 days is my first milestone for this songwriting project. It seems so doable now that I’m at day 25. Do I want to keep going with songs? Maybe I would have fun switching to another art project? Painting for 30 days? Yoga teaching for 30 days? By focusing only on songs do I feel like I’m holding back? With focus I can pour out so much energy in one direction and it takes me somewhere. I can pour out the same energy in multiple directions and feel the rush of the energy flow but not go anywhere. I really love painting and I want to do both music and painting. I want to create a new painting everyday and list them all for sale. That would get me flow and through the painting blockages. It’s easier to do this if music and painting are both in my home.
The admin work for this project is intense. I’ll enjoy more space if I have my assistant help me more. A part of me who loves running business is buzzing. Parts of me who love yoga and meditation feel bulldozed. I think that’s why I’ve been making some Native American chanting music that feels like medicine songs, healing beats. I’m trying to express my spiritual parts through the music. They haven’t been getting enough attention on the yoga mat or nature time so they’re squeezing in through the songwriting. I don’t know if I can create this kind of medicine music with Davey. I have to lead the way. I don’t think he explores into this realm or those parts of him often if at all. I’m curious what we would create if I invited him to collaborate with me on a medicine song.
Parts of me want to quit songwriting because they feel neglected; parts who love painting, fitness, yoga, resting and being unplugged. I saw myself stressed and negative, bossy, unkind in the music videos I was editing. It hurts. I want to see joy coming out of me in my face and hear gentleness in my voice, a warm glow radiating from me. Parts of me fear this project is bringing out the worst in me…which I don’t want to have buried down so I suppose getting that shit to the surface is important and with my healing tools I can process them and transform.
If I’m willing to see my ugly, feel the pain of it, allow it to exist and be seen, then those protector parts may feel understood and they’ll be able to let go and take on a new role. The protector parts I feel right now are rushed, tense, busy, stressed, sharp, unkind, pushy. What are you guys protecting me from? Losing control. They want to make sure I’m respected.
Another part says, “I don’t like what this is turning me into. I feel like a monster version of myself. Too selfish. Only driven to inspire people online, far away but it’s not cultivating love in me for the people I’m actually with. I’m self centered, stressed out on social media and my phone all day. I’m a total emotional wreck. I felt much happier when I was prioritizing yoga everyday and serving my photography clients and playing music in my free time. I’m working so hard to distract myself from the pain inside from working so hard. I feel like I’m searching for heartbreak. I just need to simplify this songwriting project. I’ve been overachieving to protect myself to try and make sure it’s all being seen and heart and worth it.