Last day in Bali! Breakfast at Suka Espresso. Finally eating fun food again! Spent the morning preparing blog posts; wrapping up this chapter in Bali.
Post office to send gifts and paintings to store at mom’s house. Hundreds of dollars to ship and save the weight on my shoulders.
After lunch at the Avocado Warung — the avocado is the burger bun! I love eating in this hidden gem, casually gazing out the window at a Balinese temple. Simple yet epic view for a simple yet deliciously grounding meal.
I walked down local streets and stood there for minutes witnessing rice farmers in their field. Jaw dropped and mesmerized. This is where the rice comes from! Woah.
Elephants sing welcome at the village temple entrance. I think of my mom; she loves elephants. I think of her a lot on this trip.
Magically wandered in a hidden-gem artist shop for new paint and canvas; shopping beside the local Indonesian painters. I actually don’t feel like painting right now but I have a hunch that I’ll want these paints in my bag. When my heart wants to paint, I better be ready. It makes the bags heavier but too many days without painting makes my heart heavier.
All these little last minute preparation tasks before I travel to Malaysia tomorrow morning. Surreal and strangely difficult to leave, to unstick myself from this new comfort zone.
And from deep in the body I hear this message whispering to the mind:
“I want our communication to improve. It hurts my feelings a lot that I say something and don’t get the reaction I want. When I talk in deep mystical language it really upsets you and disrupts what we’re doing. I’m disappointed that I have trauma and my younger openness isn’t in the body. I’m closed. I’m changing. I’m scared of changing. You can share with me back. I’ll accept you. I’m feeling good trying new things. What if I change and you don’t like me as much anymore? If you don’t find me attractive or fun? I feel more confident and stable; no stress. I could benefit from Tantra. I like how I’m changing and I really want to share it with you. I really want to offer myself as I am. I want to hear about how you’re changing too. The more I feel you hold space for me, the more wild, expressive and adventurous I will be. It hurts me when I share so much and get little, no, or a flippant reply. I love you a lot and I want us to have a good relationship and to be able to communicate.”
Love & Rainbows, Cha Wilde