Letting Go Of Everything

What did/do you need to let go of to go on this adventure?

God, so much. Prepare for a brain dump, free flow and no take backsies.

I had to let go of the safe space, the creative womb and familiar patterns of life in my Seattle studio.

I moved into that space in 2020, mid-quarantine, and it was my refuge from trauma at home…it became a home when I felt like I didn’t have one. I constructed a nest of pretty things and called this giant room “The Treasure Box”. I felt safe here and I have had to let go of the physical space while holding the feeling of safety within me. That’s really what I learned here; how to embody safety. I am safe. I am safe for my parts, for myself, for others. I am a safe space. Before I held that safety within, I drew it from my environment, from this studio. I am letting go of the training wheels. I move out into the world carrying safety inside me.

“Be proud of yourself.” These were the last words my studio spoke to me before I closed the door. We blessed each other.

I am letting go of that space being mine. I am letting go of “mine” in general. I have given away many objects that also brought me comfort and meaning.

I am letting go of my husband being “mine” to control. I am letting go of the outcome of where our paths lead us. I am letting go the expectations and hopes I have held for what our relationship could look like. I am letting go of the lifestyle I lived in Seattle with him over the past couple years; a strong routine in a one room studio, living on top of each other and commuting to my studio through the rough part of town. I am letting go of the tension that has built up in my body from this lifestyle, the body armor I have built in to protect myself and survive.

I am letting go of my dream to perform music, to work in an indoor painting studio, to own my own yoga studio, to be a photographer; all careers that have tugged on me with passion. I’ve dabbled and dove deep and this new dream I explore now; the one in which I’m a traveling yogi artist has got me signed up.

I’m letting go of my comfort zone to try this new thing beyond my familiar territory.

I’m letting go of looking perfect and controlling my business and allowing it to evolve intuitively as I move my body around the wide world.

I’m letting go of being close to my friends and family for a while. I’m letting go of all the years, seven years, I have been in this chapter of life with these people — seven years of parties, festivals, polyamory, falling in love, learning how to play music, building businesses, facing fears and learning how to heal. I am letting go of needing to know whether I will have kids or not, letting go of needing to decide that right now.

I am letting go of the epic view out my window of the Olympic Mountain range and the tall ceilings that reminded me how to take up space.

I am letting go my dream to be a DJ and my dream to work in an LA music studio as a producer. I am letting go of the belief that I need a fancy studio to make me a legitimate artist. I let go of the idea that people only respect me because of my impressive studio.

I let go of feeling stuck in one place because of my work. I let go of feeling stuck. I let go of stuckness; believing I’m stuck.

I let go of the fear that I’ll never travel the world. I let go of needing everything to be perfect before I go.

I let go of my daily routines that make me so strong and healthy. I let go of my day needing to roll out a certain way.

I let go of being a spoiled princess, entitled, complaining whenever she has to do something she doesn’t feel like doing; chores. I let go of living as though I’m above chores and draining tasks. I let go of being superior.

I let go of comparing my partners to other people and holding them to such high standards of excellence that I actually separate and judge them. I let go of believing I am separate and superior. I let go of searching for problems. I let go of needing everything to go my way and do it the way I have done it.

I am letting go of the limiting belief, the traumatic memory, of being trapped. I let go of the repeating words in my head; “I desperately need to escape and be free, that need space and to be in my own energy and move at my own pace”. I let go of the cycle and step into the present moment in which I am free to be anywhere in Self.

I am letting go of my clinging to Davey; my codependent parts looking to me now to care for them. I am letting go of the limiting belief that I will be rescued and that someone more perfect than the lover before will whisk me away on a grand adventure to change my life into something new. I let go of all that. Now, (for the first time?) I am taking myself in an adventure.

Love & Sunsets, Cha Wilde