At My Own Pace

Naked beneath the giant palms, eye level with the ants, sweat on the surface of my skin as I moved through my first yoga practice in Bali. I listen and hear the wind in the leaves, a woman sweeping, birds chatting, a scooter down an alleyway. Equatorial squirrels are bouncing between the skinny trees. I’m curious what’s beyond the pink plant-hugged walls of my villa.

A thought that came to me while walking down Kuta Beach… Within the art of making music is knowing when to allow silence. Within the art of photography is knowing when to put down the camera. Within the art of writing is knowing when to stop using words to tell the story. Within the art of teaching is knowing when to learn. Within the art of living is knowing when to listen and how to let go.

The theme of my day as I wandered…What is the most beautiful thing I can see right now? Steer the mind towards beauty. Can I find beauty with my eyes? I find it with my nose inside a plumeria now. I find it on my ankles in the wave. My ears notice the wind; it’s everywhere in this little jungle maze.

I am allowed to move at my own pace. That means if I take five hours to get ready, that is perfect and nothing needs to change. As I slow myself down, I am meeting myself for the first time in many years. I actually don’t remember the last time I moved at my own pace. There has always been someone else to keep up with or someone dragging along.

Traveling alone yet I still feel the anxious keeping-up energy, a memory stored in my body. I “should be doing something” — I should go sign up for that surfing lesson like my girlfriends, ride that horse like mom, hit on that cute girl like my husband, book a tour like mom, hike that mountain like my marathon-running friends, party in sparkles at the beach club like my rave girlfriend. I could do all the things everyone else in my life would do. I can turn off this go-go-go energy. My yoga teachers call out instructions faster than I can keep up with. When deadlines show up at work, I feel time pressed into me. What if I let it all go and actually move as slowly as I need to in order to cultivate a vibe of bliss?

I’m not interested in time. I don’t need to know what time or day it is. Please put the clocks away from me. I’m very content right here and now. I don’t want to just do something, I want to sit here. Sit here to write and paint, to breath and listen and feel with every single sense I have available, to just be inside my body, a fully alive experience of this moment…this is what I love most…in addition to the thrill of riding on the back of scooters, just get the wind on my skin! The wind washes the energy around the body…blow away bad thoughts.

“We’re not here to fuck spiders,” — Australian men taught me this expression at a Finn’s beach club. It means “we’re not here to fuck around”.

Now I’m thinking about spiders… Everybody moves faster than me, jumping onto the activities like hungry spiders who can’t sit as still as me. I’m on my web of my life. The good tasty shit comes to me. I’m so slow it actually pains other people to be around me. They can’t stand it. They want to seize the day while I’m already holding it. So for years I’ve just moved faster to move at their speed and I am exhausted in this abandonment of myself. No worries though, I’m out here now breathing slowly knowing I never have to go back to rushing. I can continue to make life choices that feel good and fit my body’s deep, slow, steady rhythm.

So now, I sit with my feet in this delicious teal pool, in a pink villa with evening sunshine sparkling through sage green palms. Leave me here for awhile until inspiration strikes me and I’ll move onto my next magical experience.

Love & Rainbows, Cha Wilde

Watch this chapter of my journey come to life in a video — the raw footage from my iPhone is edited into a mini movie! The vlogs are 20-30min episodes so you can come with my on my adventures, see behind the scenes of my creations and listen to my playful monologues and teachings that get thrown into the mix. Become a studio member and you get access to all my travel vlogs.