First Three Hours in Bali

Tell me about your first 3 hours in Bali.

There’s a mosquito on my wall. Does it carry malaria? Will I kill it? I never kill mosquitos. I am friend to life. It seems unwise to choose the bug over myself tonight though. Can I kill in love and peace? Can I escort him/her outside? Oh dear, I’m faced with dilemma; safety and values. Perhaps I’ll pray for this tiny significant creature. Yes, I said significant.

I am comfortable here and I have been from the moment I stepped off the plane and entered the airport. The town of Seminyak was alive tonight with young humans learning how to drink and tasting freedom for the first time. Sitting in the back of Kadek’s van with tinted windows I look out at the blonde girl sitting on the curb refusing to stand up, the loud singer with the almost cheesy deep voice at the club razzling more than dazzling the travelers with classic rock songs. “These guys are all the way from Zimbabwe!” she calls as we drive away through hundreds of parked scooters. A scooter zips by and the woman on the backseat, blissfully drunk, squeezes her driver’s waist tighter and lays her cheek on his shoulder. She looks like she’s in one of those moments, the one where you feel like you’re the main character in the movie and you’re in love with him. I think I watched her sigh of happiness in a millisecond because then she and her whole life were gone to me.

Two young men walked down the street, close to my car a little wobbly, eyes glossed over, probably hoping to meet girls tonight and it’s already too late.

2am arrives with me at this pink villa, giant palms and twinkle lights, a breeze up above in the leaves and a little lizard just skirted up the wall. I’m tucked away behind many walls and security guards, far away now from ruckus nightlife.

My nervous system is a little shaken and stirred by over 48hrs of travel and so many new faces. I make friends easily and on the flight alone I collected six new people, all of whom I could easily reach out to now. One man invited me to the temples and another two men invited me to their private villa where they have a butler, private chef and driver. They also invited me to the utterly amazing beach clubs. Two girls, both living the van life back in the USA, suggested we meet up one night. Another woman said she would be following my journey. My driver, Kadek, promised to take me to the spring water to meditate with him and cleanse our bodies. My extroverted parts are invigorated and grateful I can connect with people so easily and quickly. My introverted parts are longing for solitude and anonymity.

A part of me feels cautious to be swept up into other peoples energy and plans. She reminds me why I have come here. She reminds me to be in my own energy and move at my own pace. Friends are wonderful opportunities into new adventures and also, I need so much time alone. I am easily overstimulated. I dive into quiet hours to write, paint and practice yoga and meditation. She asks me to honor my me-time and my creation time before signing up for all the enticing activities on this island.

I asked my driver if he does yoga. He seemed to say no and yes. No, he doesn’t go to the classes. Yes, he is always meditating and praying throughout the day, after his walks. His energy is beautiful and calm, at peace with himself and nature…just as I’d hoped he would be, just as I hope all humans will be.

The strict yoga practices are breaking me, breaking my old patterns. I’ve subscribed to these practices for over a decade, deepening my need for reflection and stillness overtime. Try easy. Don’t try so hard. What would happen if you just relaxed and allowed it to flow however feels good? Relax relax relax. Maybe in the relaxation I’ll find love.

A part of me is all business. She feels fear of not making enough money. She remembers the terrible feeling of financial stress. She reaches for money and falls out of alignment. I will spend time with her now to understand her fear and comfort and update her. I’ll invite her to join me in this present moment. We are not worried about moneys we do not worry about anything. We  are full of beautiful gifts to play with and our skills are valuable and fun to share. She will realize she can live free of fear and fully empowered. I feel this part of me, a young woman, tight in my chest, unrelenting. She deserves a huge hug of appreciation for working so hard to protect me and getting me this far. I want her to know now that she is able to rest and that the more she rests into love the more successful she’ll be in everything else she approaches.

I write all this, looking out glass doors at the palms and pink walls; a private patio and I visualize myself filming a yoga class there. I am here to create in beauty and peace. And now I must sleep.

Love & Rainbows, Cha Wilde

PS: A part of me wants to share that I’m choosing to type these thoughts and share them publicly when normally I would write by hand and keep my journals tucked away on a shelf for my eyes only. For months though, this writer part of me has been craving to share her words, daydreaming of publishing all that flows through her. I’m approaching these blog posts just like journaling. I write freely, don’t go back and read or edit. It feels risky and vulnerable to click publish immediately after writing, not even allowing a day to reflect. I’m experimenting with this very exposed way of storytelling and expression. This part of me wants to be appreciated for her courage to share and forgiven for any statements that are confusing, poorly written or unkind in anyway. She appreciates you reading with an open mind and letting it all go. All of these are just passing thoughts. thank you.