How many times have I not listened to my body? How many times have I heard the body, my soma, speak loudly and clearly and I have turned away, shut her down and denied her request. How much more painful now when someone else does not listen to me or turns away? No, only am I not here for my body.
My favorite coffee spot in Ubud is Keliki Coffee, up in the jungle canopy! A GoJek scooter takes me up and down the very steep rural roads to this hidden gem. I’m making friends with the owner. He’s a kind smiling Balinese man who works every day of the week. He only takes days off to drive to other cities when he has errands to do. His artisan coffee shop in the jungle been open 1.5yrs. I like this guy. He’s young and relaxed…like pretty much everyone here. The bathroom is underneath the building, open air to the world. I love it.
Another 90min full body Balinese massage at Putri Spa Ubud 2, another dip into deep relaxation. This has been my best massage spot in Bali so far, reliable deep restorative moment. My Oura ring tracks my restorative moments. More restorative moments in the day lead to better sleep and a more easeful life.
Massage complete, papaya slices eaten, ginger tea all gone and I jump on the back of a GoJek and ask the nice guy to drive me to Nusantara.
I’m taking myself out to a lovely dinner this evening. My stomach is so hungry it hurts. I’ve ordered the chef’s set menu. I read about this place in a book. A high end Indonesian food only dining establishment. Table for one pretty please! The ladies are sweetly smiling as they pour my sparkling water, place a jasmine ice tea on the table and lower a napkin onto my lap.
I’m chewing on Kwong Sawah Pedas… rice field snails. I am allowed to take my time. Chew slowly, delighting in ever flavor. I share this table only with myself. There is no rush, I repeat in my nervous mind. I’m used to being rushed and I am not being rushed by anyone now. So I chew slowly and my lips start to burn on the chilis.
I sit here and hold myself in the present. No book or phone scrolling. Which parts of me sit at this table with me? A part who is conscious of her aloneness in a restaurant; conscious and comfortable, mainly aware of other people’s wonderings and assumptions. That’s the least interesting thought path though. More interesting thoughts….
A young part of me, a girl, lies and doesn’t say “no” when she doesn’t like something. Why? Did you witness someone you looked up to enduring? Memories of stiffness in the bodies of the adults who were around me when I was little. I can feel the tension in the bodies of the restaurant guest around me now. So much stiffness to protect us and what are we all protecting ourselves from? Aren’t we all relatively friendly here? Don’t we all wish happiness and health for one another? What have we all been through to get to this point where we dine together tonight and these bodies are armored?
When I eat dinner at The Yoga Barn the bodies are loose and wiggly, sprawled out and entangled in soft, limber lounging positions. Their hips and shoulders move in fluid motion as they wait in line to buy juice or dance in the courtyard outside class. Awareness is in the air and vitality is in the Jamu (I wanted to say water but the the water here is poison).
Am I an empath? Am I actually able to feel what the people around me are feeling? I wonder at times because I feel what I know is not mine. Am I naturally observant? Yes. Have I been trained to interpret the energy as it flows through the human body? Yes. It’s a lot of information for me to take in when all I wish to do is sit and eat dinner. I’m already full of sensory input with each bite of food on my tongue. The ears take in all the conversations, moving dishes and cars outside. My eyes take in colors, lights and expressions. My nose is mindfully feeling each breath and my feet feet the fabric of the cushion beneath me. I’m already receiving so much information in this moment. That’s just the present moment.
Each moment also triggers up memories of the past and my mind is alert with ideas and plans for the future. Poetry flows into my head and out my typing fingers. I’m witnessing a full spectrum of emotions fluttering in my torso that my nervous system is processing, so much debris roiled up from all the healing work I’ve gone through in this jungle.
On top of all this, my soma is reading the body language and energy radiating off the dozens of humans chattering around me. Their energy is like strong perfume. I rub my hands together beneath the table and feel friction heat build between my palm. I form a magic bubble, invisible for all, and expand it out to surround my body and the table holding my meal. I will eat inside my own energy. I will hold this shield around me so I may be unaffected by the many beings in this room. I must remember to engage this before I enter the busy rooms. To understand what I’m describing, please activate your imagination and refer to a Marvel superhero who can create a protective energy shield around herself…I’m creating something like that to help me enjoy myself in a world that can be intense when I am a highly sensitive animal.
The restaurant behind me, my feet cross the street and enter into Pina Colada. I’ve licked these windows (as the French would say) many times with my eyes. They sell rainbows I can wear. I took three home.
I cross the street a second time and pick up two golden rings. I’ve held these little circles of jewelry in my mind for days and weeks since arriving in this jungle town. They called my name, the caught my eye. What do they mean? I now wear three golden circles on my left hand, one circle around the finger and two floating above it. I wear a second ring on the right hand, a gold hoop with turquoise stone. Every ring on my hands holds deep symbolism. The three circle ring is now a reminder of big Self and little part. I am with Self. This has been a sacred lesson I integrate in Bali. The turquoise ring is the butterfly you follow down a path towards a magic surprise.
And then of course, let us complete this day by dipping into Tuckies Coconut Shop and ordering two scoops of coconut ice cream inside of a coconut, topped with coconut shreds.
Headphones on, favorite tunes helping me dance down the sidewalk, dodging tourists, I slip through a narrow gap in the wall and sit on secret steps behind the palace.
Love & Rainbows,
Cha Wilde
This is the artwork I created today…
