He said this is the part, the part when I feel lonely, the part when the masculine energy of adventure longs for a feminine home. This is the part when I have to learn to hold myself, to be with myself fully in this moment. This is the part that will be the challenge. This is the part when I am out there, penetrating the world, doing it all on my own, screaming, crying.
Can you give me what I want and need? I want and need two way emotional sharing, introspection, presence and deep stillness together. I want and need consistent, reliable communication with great detail and deep listening. I want and need challenging questions and firm gentle touch that stabilizes and comforts me, balancing the energy of my wild spirit that whips like the wind. I want and need spiritual partnership, making me laugh while holding me accountable to my greatness.
Can you be my friend, lover and partner in play and pleasure? Can you grab my hand and take me on exciting new adventures, blow my mind with sexual power and push me beyond by example? Can you lead me where I want to go?
Lead me to open to more humans. Lead me safely through sexual adventures so I may enliven more of myself. Sing and dance freely in public with me, playful silly, light-hearted.
Show me something new. Balance me. Invite me to rest. Invite me to just be, to go deeper, to be alone.
Watch me master your skills and surpass my teacher. I desire a teacher beyond me. Respect and admiration lift my gaze.
Perhaps at first you were the leader and now I am the leader. Perhaps, now I am the one who is out front. Can you keep up?
If you drag me down, do I cut you off? My hope for you keeps floating.
I am fool when I change anyone but myself. I am wise when I give space and opportunity to grow. I leave be and expect nothing.
You are free to be or grow. Choose for yourself.
Can we improve in different directions or does all improvement lead to the same place?
Faith is the new practice.
Eyes are open for the first sight of new teachers, new partners.
Where are the humans who are opening new doors for us, holding doors open for us, boosting us up to tickle new heights with wiggling fingers and cheering us on with pure delight?
I hunger for new.
Who can show me something new?
“you are my champion.”
“you are my goddess, she is my princess.”
I tried so hard to become a goddess and now with those words I feel how lonely I am. The champion and his princess run off and play together, teasing each other on rocks and he carries her around. And with me, what do you do?
I bring you wisdom and peace, calm gentle love when you need it. And where is my fun? Who is carrying me around, nibbling on my ear?
I thought I wanted to be this strong. Now I realize being this strong means I had to be broken down to build myself back up. I am strong because I had to be. I am strong because you didn’t carry me. I am strong because I chose to carry myself and now I am alone while you embrace the weaker woman who needs you. I wish you were as strong as me.
Maybe you are. Maybe that is our problem. We don’t carry each other. We just meet and look each other in the eye and the thrill of surrender is gone.
You cannot dominate me anymore because now I am dominant. I have risen. I will not bow to you because you have not yet learned to bow to me.
I bowed to you when I thought you were greater and I looked up to you. You were on my pedestal. And now, there is no pedestal. Now, there is just me and you.
I am not impressed by your actions because now I can match them and exceed them. Now I am beyond and where are you?
How can we dance together now? How can we dance together now when I no longer fear you, you no longer control me, and your mystery is no mystery to me.
There is just emptiness. This is a dead-end unless you open your door and walk through the pain into something more interesting.
“Show me later.”
“We can’t do it now because you’re going to bed and I’m in hell.”
“Well, enjoy the flames.”
Love & Fire,
Cha Wilde