Dear Friend, Have I Written Too Much?

9.7.2023
Amed, Bali

Dear Friend,

I have reached a moment of stalled reflection.

I’ve invented a world. I have many characters and their individual plot lines. I have multiple realms side by side and I’m wondering if they are meant to be separate or intertwined. I’m slowly reading through one page at a time, patience patience patience. I am eager to write more words on fresh pages and my discipline now is to sit with one page and study it. Why did I write these words? Can I delete them? Do I still need them to exist in the word? What has this story become along the way? Can I remember why I started telling this story and do I have the courage to surrender to wherever it’s going now? I feel like a passenger on this creative journey and I am also the captain. 

I’ve written the story in many different voices from different perspectives. Reading back now I observe which personas, which narrators make me pay attention and feel. Which words do I skim through and which do I savor? Which feel most vulnerable and which are most beautiful? Do I feel proud to publish these words or do I cringe? This is where I am now. 

Sunset on sailboat beside Sotonda Island in the West Nusa Tenggara province of Indonesia. It is off the north coast of Sumbawa island.

This month of September 2023 is dedicated to reviewing the writing I’ve created in the past six months and my mission is to clean it up into a draft I can actually hand over, rough but somewhat complete. A rough draft of a story I can read from start to finish on the airplane to America. Exciting announcement…I’m traveling to America for the month of October.

I’m traveling across the world because I need access to my library of personal journals from which I will draw direct quotes for the novel. I will back them up as well for future reference and digital versions I can take with me anywhere I travel. Also backing them up in the event a disaster destroys the paper copies. I’m also visiting my writing coach, my book doula, my therapist and friend who helped me begin this project and now I desire to sit with her in person as the project turns past the half way point. I am also going to attend the IFS conference in Denver to refresh my connection with this therapy model, this lens through which I’ve viewed life, this approach to the inner world that I’m using as a main tool in the writing of this book. 

The book has been a creative exploration of my many parts, turning different parts of myself into characters in a story. This is IFS in practice. I’m looking forward to being with the IFS community in person and attending workshops that will deepen my understanding of the theory and practice behind the method I’m applying to my own life and art forms. 

Love & Rainbows,
Cha Wilde