8.25.2023
Amed, Bali
Dear Reader.
I have no idea where I am going with this novel. I feel I have a pile of chaos on my desk. Too many characters I love and not enough that I hate. Too many characters who want center stage. I have desire to escape into fantasy or I get stuck dwelling in the past. I’ve written hundreds and hundreds of words and I’m staring at a bunch of story chunks that don’t fit together; snapshots of related people’s lives through time. Sometimes I can’t tell which character is which.
All this confusion stems from my IFS approach. I’ve based the characters off of parts of my personality, my inner family. Did this moment of my life happen to this part of me or that part of me or both? Did this part of me turn into that part of me? They used to hate each other and now they’re friends.
I forget how much I’ve changed and even in the course of writing this book I’ve transformed. I desperately needed to tell a story five more ago and now I’ve gotten so much out of my system I’m feeling so content that the urge to write that same story is gone. To stick to the original plan or to switch it up in response to evolution with new perspectives. I feel resistance to working on the book when all this is going on in my head. I still make little attempts; a paragraph, an edit, I delete a page, I invent a new character, I look through notes, I take a writing workshop, anything to move me forward just an inch.
At the moment, I sense the time has come for a disconnect. I am unplugging myself completely from the project, from the internet, from the laptop. I’m going on away on another wilderness adventure. This time, I’ll be cruising on a sailboat from Sumbawa to Komodo and Flores islands in Indonesia.
I will be refreshed and inspired. Large segments of my novel take on boats and ships in the ocean. A sailboat adventure is experiential research for this authoress.
I’ve noticed I’m resisting writing about mermaids underwater. I think this is linked to me avoiding the ocean myself a bit these days. I’ve felt more drawn to land. I love the wind. A sailboat diving trip ay be the thing I need to get me back into the mermaid energy of the underwater world. On a boat I get wind and water! Those two elements feel virtually identical on my skin these days.
I’ve also been keeping more details about the story to myself lately. It’s debilitating to overshare with the public or even friends in person. Once I speak words, they are more concrete and I feel locked in. I need privacy because I need space to explore and freedom to change without eyeballs on me without somebody else’s hands holding me to something I said. So my dear reader, please allow me space to breathe life into something new that neither of us expected. May we both be open to secrets and surprises!
Love & Rainbows,
Cha sailing into the Wilde