Creating My Dream Artist Lifestyle, Living in Flow

It still blows my mind. I’m actually waking up each morning with all the time in my world to take care of my body, teach yoga (my most nerdy passion that I want to talk about all day) and write songs. For years I’ve busted my ass for this delightful lifestyle. I get to adventure, create, rest and play. I had a vision for it and I’ve made it happen and I continue to make it happen. I’m still in disbelief. I feel a little rumble under my surface, nervous stress, afraid it will go away. I feel like I should be doing something else, something that feels more like work…and then I remember…this is my work now. My task is to show up and create beautiful art, express my feelings, share my creations with people, enjoy conversations online with people, rest and play with my friends in person, go out and see the world. I dreamed of a day when my main task would be self care and making music. Here we are. Now I’m learning how to allow and receive.

I have a big backlog of songs to release. As my mastering engineer said in an email to me this morning, “your songs are too good to be sitting on a harddrive.” Yes!! A part of me is a perfectionist and just wanted to protect myself by making sure everything is orderly. Alas, I live in chaos. The songs are the way I release them into the world I kind of messy and even that can be liberating. Honestly, it feels much better, way more fun, to just release what I’ve made and let it go and move onto the next thing. I like that way more than refining one project to “perfection”. I like being in the constant quick flow, like riding a rapid river. Let it go!

How to Maintain Friendships When You're Consumed by a Creative Project

I’m staring at the pretty girl in my office. I wonder what she does at that company (I’m in a co-working space called The Riveter so everyone here runs different businesses). I’ve never talked to her before. I know her style is bizarre, totally doesn’t match what I’d expect from someone with her face. Kinda captivating. I wonder if she’s a gamer and does something really nerdy and thus extra sexy after work. Please don’t be a basic bitch. I feel a little envious of girl gamers. I long for the chillness, intensity and way they’re navigating a guy’s world. Hot. Especially when they look like her. Should I start playing video games when I get home? I’ve tried before. Maybe I could get into it. It looks fun. Especially if I can play online and hang with friends virtually. That might save me from the solitary lonely evenings after evenings I’ve got going on right now.

What happened to my social life? I used to be at parties every week, Friday plans booked, weekends with the crew crossing the state for camping trips and festivals, dates in the city, friends laughing on the bed till our stomachs hurt, girl vs guy bullshitting in the kitchen over who makes better guacamole. Where did everybody go?

Just when I start to think something is wrong I remember. I’m making an album. I’ve become a musical hermit. I’m not at the club tonight because I’m in the studio. I’m not getting down to the beats because I’m making them from scratch. I’m not laughing on the bed with my friends because I’m laughing at the silly sounds I’m distorting in my headphones. I could invite friends to hang or create with me in the studio but no thank you. I like the deep focus when I’m alone. I get way more done. I feel more free to experiment.

Nothing lasts forever, right? Once this album busts onto the scene, I’ll be with friends again. Or will I. Is this part of the ebb and flow of an artist’s life? I heard someone on And The Writer Is say that they have to go out and live before they can sit down and write songs. You gotta go do cool, scary, interesting shit, see what’s happening out there in the world, blend your molecules with the world and feel the ideas spark, the feelings hurt, the impatience to get back to the studio, the itch. “Fill up the well”, as Julia Cameron calls it in The Artists Way. We go through phases. Lots of friends then just me in the mirror. Lots of writing, then empty pages. Lots of running around, then my butt getting sore in a chair.

— Here’s a little audio message “Good vs Bad Isolation” I just recorded for you to ‘bring this blog post to life’ with my voice. Do you like this? Should I include more audio messages with future blog posts? There’s a comments section at the bottom of this post where you can leave your thoughts. ;)

Obviously, we can’t neglect people and expect them to be there for us on demand but with the right communication, we can include our friends in our artist isolation. We can update them how we’re doing, send them little sneak peeks of what we’ve created, invite them over for a cup of tea (even though we’re in the mood to make music) and have a face to face conversation and listen to their problems for an hour. Maybe your deep artist wisdom will be exactly what they need to hear right now. Give a little bit and then run back into the cave. Most importantly, send them messages of gratitude. Let them know how much you appreciate their support of your art, how much they help you, how thankful you are that they are such big fans and how excited you are to share what you’ve been working on so you can celebrate together at this end of this mammoth project. They are not neglected. They are your home, social foundation that gives you the strength to take this leap of faith and be fucking magical.

ALSO, I want to emphasize the vital importance of keeping one finger in the social life pie while all other nine fingers are busy playing guitar strings. I have created a habit that really helps ensure I don’t disappear off the social map completely. I have one day per week when I schedule coffee dates, invite a friend over, or visit a friend at their studio. Usually it’s a Wednesday or Thursday — right in the middle of the week when I can use a change of scenery and I’ve got some work momentum that will get me out the door. I intentionally choose people who fuel me, people who are also doing cool shit I want to hear about, people who inspire me and help me find exciting solutions to my big fucking problems and people who make me laugh. Social time is limited so I’m choose carefully what kind of human energy I’m consuming. It matters. You know that “you’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with?” stuff everyone talks about? This season, I put it to the test. I wrote down everyone I know in my life and I picked out five people that most closely aligned with the direction I’m heading in right now. I make an intentional effort (aka scheduling it on the calendar to make sure it happens) to interact with them, ideally in person, each week. Even if I’m not ‘in the mood’ for the social hour, even if I feel like a depressing messy version of myself, I hold these appointments because they are the breaths of air. I’ve been diving deep in the magical mystery and these social appointments are my few moments of coming up to the surface. Breath it in. Go back down. Make sure this air you’re breathing is highest quality, invigorating!

Here’s a photo of me and by music buddy, Spence Hood. We met up last week for coffee and our quarterly check in. He’s the only person I socialized with (outside of my roommates) last week. How’s your music business going? Still dreaming big? What books have you read? Who have you met this month? When’s your next show? How you going to surprise the world? This week, I’m socializing with Elizabeth Anne Cunningham and A. O. Hamer — both women with power energy I’m exciting to soak in this afternoon. That’s it. Then back in the studio for days of focus. Till next week.

Dearest friend,
I am going on an epic adventure. You are going to lose your shit when you hear what I’ve done. I feel afraid sometimes and I’m feeling very challenged but I often repeat your encouraging words in my head, and they give me the strength to continue and level up. I’m not exactly sure how long this is going to take but when I get home, I can’t wait to hear all about what you’ve been up to and we can celebrate how awesome we both are.
Fuck yes. You’re the best. Life is rad. Sending you love from the wilderness.
CHA🍍WILDE

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PS: If we are friends and you read this and something doesn’t feel right, text me. Let’s talk about it. ;)

Why Learn New Skills Is Worth the Painful Challenging

I want to sing on stage for you. I don’t want to dance around to my tracks, solely as a DJ, with no physical live input. It’s awkward. I’d probably get used to it. Worse though, it’s not a gift from the present moment, flowing in through my body. My electronic tracks flew threw me moments ago, months ago. I captured a feeling that we can resurrect, to which we may dance the night away as it can take us places. That’s nice. When I sing and play for you live though, that is right here, right now. That brings us together in this one precious moment. It’s fierce creation, intoxicating, chilling. Hello goosebumps. I want you to feel the vibrations leaving my lips, entering your body, so we know we are one.

Will I ever feel fully satisfied performing my electronic music? Will I find a way to perform live along with the track and have it feel raw and not just a paint-by-numbers kind of performance. When I perform acoustic, every sound is hanging on my move, I can drag out the pauses and tickle the air before slicing through it with my voice, taking you by surprise, taking myself by surprise. Part of me wants to give up on figuring out how to perform live with my tracks. Part of me whispers to keep going. We’ll have a breakthrough. We’ll be excited.

I’ve seen people perform live with the Ableton Live Push 2 pad, which I have been learning how to use at the pace of a slightly wounded and possibly lazy, or perhaps mainly resistant snail — read The War of Art by Stephen Pressfield if you think you’re a lazy or blocked artist. Why so much resistance here? Why does it almost physically pain me to turn on the Push and practice performing a song with it, creating a live beat? Too many buttons? Too many cables? Would I rather be fine tuning a song on the computer with my mouse and headphones, rather than creating bigger loops through speakers? Would I rather be improving at singing or mixing songs than training my slow fingers to drum quickly and memorize patterns. Would I rather _____?

If I’m asking the ‘rather’ question, what answer that wins? I would rather be what? Eating? Sleeping? Running? Doing yoga? Reading? Answering emails? Meeting clients for coffee? What’s so great that it wins the arm wrestle with the Push, or any other challenge that presents itself along my creation path? What is your challenge right now? Are you up for it?

What happens when we master a skill, or even just make a little bit of progress? Usually elation, celebration, play time, joy! The challenge is an obstacle, just like a puzzle, a brain teaser, an obstacle course, a dare, a finish line ahead. Sure, we can sit down, turn it off, walk away. Maybe we don’t care about it, genuinely. Usually though, I don’t start running a race I don’t intend to finish. Do you? Sometimes we make mistakes but when we do, we know it. We’re instantly up and out of there because we know it is so wrong for us there is no question. But when we question.

We question and consider quitting when it gets hard, not when it gets wrong. When it’s wrong, we’re done. When it’s hard, we’re wondering. If you’re wondering, keep going until you know. Yes? So I will learn this god damn push because it’s still bothering me. If you can’t stop thinking about it, do it. Right? So I’ll do it until the curiosity, annoying desire, taunting is gone from my head. Either I will love this thing or it’s not for me but by the time I know it’s not for me, I’ll really know because I’ll know how to use it fully and I will simply not be interested in it. It will be easily forgotten. You’re done when you can forget it. Until then, keep going.

LOVE,
CHA🍍WILDE

Do Your Work and Finish the Damn Project with Joy

I have a post-it note above my painting table that says “Do Your Work” and it stares at me in the moments when I’m thinking about plans instead of acting on them.

"…as [George Orwell] was avoiding writing, he ‘did so with the consciousness that I was outraging my true nature and that sooner or later I should have to settle down and write books.” — The Second Mountain, David Brookes, p88

I trudged up a steep emotional hill to get to work this morning. God it was almost painful. Life felt weird all morning and I knew that feeling wouldn’t go away until I sat down at my computer and mixed a song. The end of the album is upon us and the last bit of work is nitty gritty technical mixing and mastering. I’m adjusting frequencies, deciding which sounds go in the left ear of the headphones and which go to the right. I’m zooming in on the audio waves and cutting out tiny little jagged bumps so my singing sounds smoother. I’m opening and closing my DAW projects over and over, exporting, upload, listening to the same song dozens of times, searching with my ears for any blip or weird feeling. This is the part of the process when we polish and decide how the world will hear this music. It’s a big deal and the work requires 100% focus. I can’t multitask, have any background noise or let my mind wander for even a moment. This intensity scares me away. But this morning, the sunshine filled a blue sky and I sat in my driveway with my morning tea, watching clouds move and I asked myself, WHY AM I EXCITED TO DO THIS WORK? HOW DO WE MAKE IT FUN?

If my music were a play on Broadway, the rehearsals are done and tonight we’re getting ready for the big show. We’re in the dressing room putting on makeup. The final touches are exciting - it’s a celebration of how far we’ve come. Last summer, I decided to create and album and here we are, almost at the finish line. Don’t give up right before the end! Don’t hate your baby just as you’re about to give birth (just because the birth is kinda painful). Dive in with all the enthusiasm you have left and carry it through to the finish with love. Serve your work. Show up with your whole heart and make sure this project emerges into the world with the power it deserves; make sure you’re proud of it.

Why Routines Give Artists More Freedom

I’ve become a role-model for routines. Friends tell me “I can’t do routines like you. I’m just not a routine person.” Me neither, friend! I’m a free-spirited don’t tie me down girl and I resisted routines for years. I thought routines were boring, constricting, robbing me of my youth and freedom. Routines are for stressed out old and boring people. But then I read The One Thing and The War of Art and I realized my desire to accomplish my goals outweighed my desire to live routine-free. These books promised me that routine would actually give me freedom. By committing and deciding, we free up mental energy to actually do the work. I was getting really stressed every morning trying to figure out how I should spend my time. Should I take photos, send emails, make music, practice piano, go to yoga? Too much to choose from plus the stress of wanting to make the right decision. Spreading thin and overworking was leading me to burnout instead of success. So we simplify and focus. It requires discipline at first but almost immediately, joy and fun rush in the door. The simplicity and the daily routines tell me what to do so I can focus on the actual creative process, what I’m creating, what I care about, rather than floundering around deciding how to spend my time. So worth it.

My routine isn’t cemented on the clock. It’s pretty basic; I just make sure I’m producing music for approx 4 hours a day. As long as I’m getting in those hours, I rest peacefully knowing I’m making progress. During those four hours, it’s me time. I’m totally focused and I dive deep, free to play with creativity, not a doubt in my mind if I’m spending my time wisely. I am. I’ve decided this is what I do. When I’m done with my producing time, then I’m totally free to do everything and anything else. Check! Peace of mind is freedom. Seeing progress in my skills is freedom. Now, I love my routine. Don’t touch it! Don’t take it away from me. I live for these hours of dedicated focused creation. I’m energized by them and I can easily work far beyond the designated 4 hours. I can literally work 6, 8 or 10 hours a day and I have to hold back and take care of myself so I don’t overwork and burn out. I built up this stamina through a routine. At first I just had to touch the music for a few minutes everyday. Then I worked up to a couple hours. Then four hours. Now it’s all freaking day!

Routines sound boring because you only hear corporate people talking about them. You’re afraid of being chained down. As a creative entrepreneur, an artist, a free agent, you want to wake up without feeling weighed down or obligated. Don’t worry. Create your own routine. Own it. What does it mean to YOU? How is a routine going to give you more freedom? What kind of freedom do you value most? Make a new definition in your own world about how to spend your time. If you want results, you have to put in time, energy and focus. You have to build a routine to make this gift of yourself consistent. You’re going to love it.

LOVE,
CHA🍍WILDE

Why Going Outside Your Comfort Zone to Sing in Public is Totally Worth It

Sharing what you write is vulnerable. Yes. Singing in front of people, talking into a microphone, walking on stage, is vulnerable. Yes. Why bother doing the thing that makes your knees shake? Why put yourself in that desperately uncomfortable position? Why go outside the comfort zone? Why?

Tonight, I played my new electronic music to the ladies at the Doe Bay yoga retreat. We sat in the living room, wine glasses all around and listening ears. “For the past year,” I told them, “I’ve been developing a new kind of music that revolves around balancing chakras.” I gave my talk and played them examples. My fingers were shaky on the keyboard. I didn’t know what to do with my feet. I sang with my eyes closed. I usually play with my eyes closed to help me go inside my own world, a protective cocoon, shutting out the audience as much as possible so I can connect with the music. I start to feel awkward with my eyes closed though. It’s weird to close people off visually when I’m there to connect with them but it’s also extremely uncomfortable and weird to make eye contact or worse, look off into the middle direction of nowhere.

I believe that with enough practice, enough shows, I’m going to find my ease with the eyes of crowd lingering on my movements. I’ll let the tingles drip off of me and I’ll be able to play not only the music, but the crowd. The work I’ve done on the chakras is opening up worlds of understanding about how human beings function as energetic creatures, especially when we’re in community or crowds. One sound can make us all feel the same, or at least a very similar, sensation and do a similar movement together. Crowd control through sound is effective and with mindful application of chakra knowledge, I can influence the crowd towards healing, harmony and inspiration.

In between each song, I told the women the stories behind the music. This is the most rewarding moment; the moment when I get to share 100% of myself, the truth, the raw bits, the details that are so real I can feel hairs stand up in the room and sometimes I wonder if it’s too much. I’m making people uncomfortable. I’m saying things they hardly let themselves think. They ask me questions…

Yes, I felt insecure and awkward the first time I heard my own voice coming out of the speakers. Your voice sounds weird to YOU until you listen to yourself so much that your brain equalizes. I’ve spent so many hours recording myself and listening back that now my voice sounds the same inside and outside. Like everything, the more you do it, the more you get used to it and the days when it “sounded weird” feel very long ago.

”I can’t believe you’re singing what you wrote,” said the woman who feels insecure and way too vulnerable sharing what she writes. She was talking about me singing my lyrics in front of everybody and explaining what I’ve wrote so publicly. Yes, sharing can be vulnerable, and you might feel crippled, paralyzed by your fear, your nerves. It passes…if you take action and do it. Thinking will make it worse. Taking action will make it better. If you write something. Share it. If you can say it, sing it. Put it out there for us because we all long for more inspiration from others, more intimacy and more connection. Put it out there for yourself because you long for expression, to be free from yourself and the ways you’ve held back, to make room for something new to flow in. Put it out there for us, humans are born to create. Don’t fuck up the flow by overthinking it. Share what is coming into you. We’re all channels, just like the radio, and the people who love you and the people who love what is flowing through you, are eagerly waiting for your channel to broadcast from the mountaintops. Share now.

Yes, everyone in the room is showing up with totally different energy levels, life backgrounds, moods and all the chakras of all the people in the room may be totally out of wack. It would be ridiculous to think that everyone is on the same page. Can the music get us there? Can my intro to the show, the opening speech where I explain the chakras and how I’ve created music to balance chakras do it? If I begin the show playing sounds from each chakra and aligning, attuning us all to those sounds, will it bring us to the same page? Similar to a yoga class with a meditation and OM chant at the beginning. Is this how we can connect everyone before the music begins? All this will be explored by me on stage this coming year. Let’s begin the research. If you would like to attend a show with me and see this project grow in person, check out my upcoming shows. I would love to see you there!

VIDEO: "Jump the Picket Fence” by Cha Wilde — LIVE at Doe Bay 2020 — I’m recovering from the flu and it was difficult to sing at this retreat. I don’t know if you can tell in this recording that I’m sick but regardless, I decided to share the recording because it was this moment when I first performed this song and it had such an impact that sick or not sick sounding, I believe there in some magic in it for you. ;)

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The song in this video (above) is called" “Jump the Picket Fence” and it was the most popular song of the weekend with these yoga retreat ladies. They asked me to play it again and again. Why? This song is a Wilde card ;) if I ever wrote one. Of all the songs on my new album, I felt like this is the dark horse. One by one, the songs appeared and I felt strong and proud each time, but this little guy made me blush a little. Maybe it’s because it’s more like a ‘love song’ than my usual ‘run wild and naked and do crazy things’. Although, that’s EXACTLY what this song is about. Perhaps, this song hit that message more on the head, more literally than any other song I’ve ever written. I’m often eluding to freedom and wild life choices but in this song, I straight up say, “take your clothes off” “be naked with me” “jump the picket fence” “Be wilde!” I couldn’t be more direct. And here I am blushing because the song starts with an admission of love, admitting that I was shy to kiss somebody, saying out loud that I was shy. I’m more shy of being shy than I am of doing the things that make most people shy. This song is about a girl I wanted to kiss because she was so elegant and beautiful. I met her at a day party in the summer and she and I stood in the corner of the garden whispering about how both of us wanted to kiss girls but often felt awkward about how to do it. I was totally talking to her about this while having those feelings about her simultaneously. I don’t know if those feelings were mutual. So this song has felt extra vulnerable and embarrassing for me and because it’s exposing my weakness, I’ve always wondered if this song was weak. Now that I’m performing it and seeing how it’s hitting people (for whatever reason, whatever meaning they find in it), I’m realizing that my vulnerability is probably what is packing power into this song. There is an electronic version of this song that Davey has called a “masterpiece” hah! Yes! Fuck yes. I put the final touches on the electronic version before leaving Orcas Island and I rocked out to it most of the drive home to Bellevue. I’m so excited to share it with these retreat ladies and to have their fingerprints on the final version (because of the feedback they gave me to help me finish it).

LOVE,
CHA🍍WILDE

Dreams Are Always Changing

Seattle was bombed last night, in my dream. I was hiding in a boat with friends (who kept serving me chocolate truffles) as we watched the old school planes from Europe fly through our sky. Dark dots fell through the air and a part of our home went up in smoke. I kept trying to call my first husband but my eyesight was too blurry to read the names in my phone. My second husband insisted with a constantly nodding head that he really wanted to have kids now and then he announced that he was about to leave England on a business trip #worst-possible-time. A dream too real. I stood in the shower, hot water washing my dream away.

Now I’m awake and all I can think about is my new dream; my art studio, my secret society of creative women, and my record label. More to come on this later perhaps as my dreams ebb and flow.

How are you dreams changing? Are your nighttime dreams untangling your subconscious worries and wishes? Are your daytime dreams sparking joy in your eyes?

Your dreams can change when you let yourself change. If you hold strictly to one dream, you may be locking yourself into one version of yourself.

I was deadest on performing at The Gorge Amphitheater because singing on that stage meant I had ”made it”, I was performing at my favorite venue, the most beautiful venue I’ve ever seen, the stage where I’ve seen my heroes perform, the stage where I first saw myself, a ghost of my future self, the possibility of myself as the musician I would one day become. It seemed magical, mysterious and impossible. It was the big dream. The dream that, if accomplished, proved that I was good enough, that big dreams really can come true, that a girl can look up to a stage and after some hard work, determination, and a few years, that girl can walk onto that stage and look out at the audience and see a young girl just like herself and say, you can too.

For me, the Gorge was a dream that seeped into my imagination and gradually took over my life until it became an affliction. Inspired and excited at first, I pushed myself to morph into new versions of myself; exploring who I must become to be the woman who performs on that stage. Massive transformation would need to take place between the conception and the actualization of this dream. Would I even recognize myself at the end of this journey? My solid commitment carried me through trying times, hours of monotonous instrument practice and sickening nerves before my first performances. It enlivened my speech and I became a sparkling motivational energy in my friend group. Everyone was excited to cheer me on. I declared from every roof top what my dream was and that it was going to happen. Just watch me. I even spent one summer running around music festivals asking every new person I met, “Do you have a dream?” and then proceeded to encourage them to keep dreaming, letting them know about my own dream and bumping fists in dream solidarity. I cringe slightly at this memory. The more I dreamed, the more my feet left the ground and I lost touch with reality. I lived in a fantasy world with magical creatures, imaginary friends, weaving my life events into a narrative plot, mild hallucinations keeping me company everyday and complete social awkwardness and isolation from anything logical and earthly.

In the end, I was bedeviled. Tormented by the chains I had buckled around myself. I had sewn too much meaning and identity into my dream. I had lost flexibility and freedom to evolve and let go. This all came to an end when my health, physical and mental, screamed at me through back pain, wrinkles, weight-gain, tears, screaming, anxiety, bitchiness, hormone imbalances, nightmares, clinginess, depression. I had been wiping myself like a mean horse jockey. Who gives a shit if I achieve my goal only to curl up in a ball the evening after my big show, sobbing from loneliness and ill health? I’m not walking into any dream with that self-flagellating attitude. No more.

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I have deep intimate conversations with musicians on the Wilde Musicians Podcast and sometimes I feel their urgency, anxiety, self-inflicted pressure, to “make it”, to keep up, to prove themselves, to inspire others, to achieve greatness. We all want to change the world. This quote is always worth repeating:

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
― Howard Thurman

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“Most of the time we aim too low. We walk in shoes too small for us. We spend out days shooting for a little burst of approval or some small career victory. But there’s a joyful way of being that’s not just a little bit better than the way we are currently living; it’s a quantum leap better. It’s as if we’re all competing to get a little closer to a sunlamp. If we get up and live a different way, we can bathe in real sunshine. When I meet people leading lives of deep commitment, this fact hits me: Joy is real.”
- David Brookes, The Second Mountain (xxiii)

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I sit across the table from musicians who inspire me. They want to prove they’re good enough, inspire kids to follow their dreams, help other people fell less alone. Their dreams are huge, the ambition and drive is even bigger, and a stressful pressure, a ticking clock, is chasing them, snapping at their heels. Something has these beautiful artists rushing, anxious, feeling small, wondering when they’ll “make it”.

I tell them that I haven’t been on social media in almost a month. I tell them that I’ve been locked away in my cave making new songs. I tell them that I’m writing songs for a very specific audience (women who want to express themselves freely). My clarity to step away from the main stream current, feels peaceful, refreshing, promising. At least that’s what it looks like when I’m talking and I see their faces lighten and soften.

Being on stage is being a leader. Are you leading people within the social norms or are you leading them where you want to go? I was trying so hard to be a leader on social media until one day my business coach suggested I get off social media if I’m not enjoying it. “For years you’ve been struggling to make it work. Maybe you can just accept the fact it’s not working for you. It’s not for you. Get off line and get creative. Build your business, serve your clients and community in person, directly, one to one. Be a leader by leading people off the social media and back into a more personal way of connecting. Lead a new movement.”

I shared this with the Portland women’s panel and the room softened. Their faces looked lighter and intrigued. We’re all hungry for someone to give us permission to rest, to do it our own way and make our own rules.

Making It Into Obscurity - John Mayer Lyrics

I’m sitting in Portland right now, at The Riveter. Five female musicians will be showing up any minute now to dive into a group conversation on my podcast. Our topic: What is it like to be an older women working in the music industry?

Today, we’re counting “older” as over the age of 30. Our biological clocks are ticking. Soon, Snapchat filters might be our only way of looking smooth-skinned and sparkly. How are we going to cross the country on music tours and raise children? How are we going to make a living creating music without selling our bodies as objects? Has our time come and gone? If we haven’t ‘made it’ by now, are we doomed to be forgotten forever? Are these concerns running through the minds of men as well? Do women face these thoughts in all music genres and all industries? Men are never told “Hey, that was a really great performance…for a guy.” The women I’ve spoken with in Seattle told me this is a real issue. They’ve been told they’re “good for a girl” and they are warned that they’re “past it.”

Pop culture tells us that we need to be young and sexy to “make it.” Experience shows us that if anything, our youth and sexiness can actually blossom and flourish to new heights with age. In fact, as artists, our years bring us into wisdom and now we’re able to write lyrics that truly speak to the depths of the human soul, places we couldn’t fathom or refer to ten years ago.

Male or female, we’ve all wondered if we’re going to “make it” and we’ve felt the hustle, the pressure, the rush to ”make it” as quickly as possible, before our flower wilts. I hear this story in John Mayer’s lyrics.

“Some of us, we're hardly ever here
The rest of us, we're born to disappear
How do I stop myself from being just a number
How will I hold my head to keep from going under.”
- John Mayer, Vultures

And even once he’s “made it” — Can we all agree that John Mayer has “made it” by most people’s standards? — he writes lyrics like…

“There I just said it, I'm scared you'll forget about me.”
— John Mayer, Edge of Desire

Is he singing to a girl or to his fans? What’s the difference when it means the same thing? We want something and we get it and we wonder if we would be happier with something else. Once we accomplish something, we’re onto the next thing. What does it mean to “make it”? Performing on a big stage? Being CEO? Being a mom? Performing and being a mom? There’s no one definition. More from John…

“Yeah I've got my dream but you've got family,
Yeah I've got my dream but I guess it got away from me.”
- John Mayer, Dear Marie

When you say you want to “make it” do you have a specific goal, destination, a definable, attainable, measurable moment when you’ll know that you have succeeded? You can say, RIGHT NOW, I am standing on the top of the mountain or the moon, I have made it. Everything up until now was the journey and now I am at the destination. Our lives move forward through these milestones which are totally worth manifesting and celebrating because they enrich us and give us something to do while we’re on this planet. However, if you cannot define your “made it” moment, and you’re pushing yourself so hard for some vague feeling in the future of possibly being worthy, enough or complete, then good luck. Now you’re wandering and hoping.

What if, it’s not about “making it” somewhere? What if it’s about “making it” however you want it to be? You are a creator. You can build, craft, shape, cultivate, form, mold, a lifestyle that makes you happy and healthy. You can “make it” (it being your life) however you want it to be. Make a life that you enjoy, that feels good, that makes you laugh, smile, play, dance, sing, and do all the happy human things that display health. What does your life look like when you follow those feelings? Let go of the vague mountain top and the wishes of “making it” somewhere you may or not even like. Embrace “making it” right here and now how you want to be. Do not wait until you’re ready, good enough, chosen, different, or older. Your right now moment, is your life and through this moment you are connected to the next moment and the moment after that. Through a string of touching moments, you are directly united with whoever you are in the future. Time and space is one. Be fully in your moment now. You’ll never “make it” anywhere unless you’re “making it” right now.

Make yourself happy and healthy. Whatever that looks like, that is your path up and down the mountain. You do not want to do all this hard work in a direction that brings you dis-ease and disease and then one day open your eyes and scream “What the fuck am I doing with my one precious life?! I’ve been so obsessed with ‘making it’ here that I never stopped to admit to myself that I don’t want to be here unless I’m happy.”

”You don't wanna be stuck up on that stage singing
Stuck up on that stage singing
All I know are sad songs, sad songs”
— Mike Posner, I Took a Pill in Ibiza

SIX WOMEN AND TWO HOURS OF CONVERSATION LATER

Wisdom. Knowing what you want and knowing how to know what you want. These are gifts of aging.

We’re rushing to “make it”, afraid of slowing down because the clock is ticking. If we don’t make it by the time we’re 35 then….what? We compare ourselves to what we surround ourselves with. I feel old when I’m in the crowd at a rave full of teenagers on drugs. I feel young when I visit my grandma. I feel talented when I’m the only musician in the room. I feel embarrassed by my beginner-ness when I’m in the room with musicians who just got back from their European tours. Comparison is the thief of joy. I keep putting myself in new situations with new people; seeking new friendships, lessons and stories of lifestyles I might wish to follow.

“Everybody is just a stranger
but that’s the danger in going my own way.”
- John Mayer, Why Georgia

My dreams of the big stage are slipping away. The more conversations I have with musicians who share this dream or whose reality is this dream, the more I feel like I’ve been pushing my square peg against a round hole. When I talk about my “music career” and performing I feel lost with my words, uncomfortable, out of place, messy. I’m talking to the ceiling, my eyes fluttering around as much as my mind. My statements are adding to the confusion or causing conversational dead ends. By contrast, when I talk about my creative process, the community I’m building, the peaceful enriching lifestyle I’m making for myself through yoga, meditation and detoxing from caffeine and social media, I feel grounded, power and clarity. I make eye contact and women nod and get that “oh” look on their faces. What I’m saying is showing them a new way of being.

The beautiful artists sitting around the table with me do not need me to be lost with them. They need me to stand up in my clarity about the way I’m going. Confident leadership. We know what we want. We know where we’re going. We only get confused when we start looking at other people and wondering if we should be going where they’re going.

“Will I dim the lights inside me just to satisfy someone?”
— John Mayer, In the Blood

Close your eyes. Remember a little while ago, years ago, when you were so confident about what you were doing. What changed?

I’m embracing my evolution. I do not want to live the life of the starving artist, the broke touring musicians, the stressed out entrepreneur, the run-ragged yoga teacher, the bored housewife, the scattered, lost, doubtful version of a human that I’ve seen myself exist as. I want to live life as an oasis of nourishing energy, colorful, creating, welcoming, grounded, unattached in abundant love. I create music, host a podcast show, operate businesses, teach yoga and lead women who want to follow me in making this energy their lifestyle too.

I feel nervous around female musicians, looking back at myself wondering if I belong with them. They’re all performing and touring and practicing guitar. I’m producing on a computer, rarely perform, and pour a lot of energy in podcasting and building community instead of or in addition to the actual craft of music. I want to fit in because that feels good…at least I think it does but guess what? It actually doesn’t. Fitting in doesn’t feel good when it’s with the wrong bunch of people. Better to walk alone until you find the tribe who blasts your favorite music around their campfire. And if you never find a tribe, better to explore who we are fully in our own direction. Wearing shoes that don’t fit is more dangerous than walking barefoot.

“Don't be scared to walk alone
Don't be scared to like it.”
— John Mayer, Age of Worry

We can talk about “making it” in the music industry OR we can talk about “making it” how we want it to be. Making “it” whatever we want it to be. Making life the way you want it to be. Making inevitable obscurity and death acceptable rather than offensive or terrifying. Making the rules. Making, design, creating, manifesting, building your life to be whatever YOU are and wish to become. This is “making it.”

Love,
Cha

Exploring the World of Abstract Music

Hello beautiful friend :) There is something so deliciously wild about abstract art. The freedom to make a mess and call it a masterpiece!

Words have become almost useless to me these days. I sit down to write to you and I can't help but think that whatever I wish to say would be more effectively communicated through sound, music, than words. I never thought I would feel this way. I mean, my computer sits on top of two giant Oxford English Dictionaries, there are at least three dozen ink-filled journals beneath the couch in my music studio, and my phone holds hundreds of lyrics and voice memos that will never see the light of day. I used to think that words were the most powerful way to express how I feel but now I've learned to speak with abstract sounds and suddenly words fall flat. My beloved lyrics are standing on the sidelines wondering when they will be used again.

Carolina Grunér-Ashcroft https://www.instagram.com/carolinagruner/ is one of my favorite painters. She paints, in a pink-fill studio in Finland, following her intuition, an unexplainable sense from deep within guides her seemingly random brushstrokes. She paints "Landscapes of the Soul" and when she talks about her painting, I could copy and paste her words and use them to talk about my music. She wrote this the other day,

"I had such a great flow painting yesterday, and caught myself thinking this thought a couple of times, straight away feeling how I began pulling away from the flow. Got back on the wave though, and decided no one actually cares if the work is ready or not, or what it even looks like if and when it’s ready. It’s just ready when it is - and I’ll just *know* when that is." -- Carolina Grunér-Ashcroft

Can you relate?

There is something so deliciously wild about abstract art. The freedom to make a mess and call it a masterpiece! You’re not trying to replicate so you don’t have to control yourself. You’re in a big open field of nothingness and whatever rises to the surface, that’s your abstract. That’s the truth you find and share. You can swirl colors on a canvas and you can swirl audio waves on the computer.

When I started painting in my garage in 2017, I told myself to go crazy with it. There are no rules, in fact, the more messy and off the rails you go, the better. Where else in life can you be so reckless? Paint something and ruin it. See what it feels like to destroy and create in cycles. When I started making music in 2015, I thought I had to follow all the rules. I bought a Music Theory book on Amazon. I practiced scales for hours everyday. I learned traditional “song structure” which goes something like VERSE - CHORUS - VERSE - CHORUS - VERSE - CHORUS - CHORUS. But what if you don’t do that? What if your song isn’t a pattern? What if it’s linear?

How to Jam with Other Musicians

Intimidating!! Even my brother (who is a guitar ninja) says this about jam sessions. Pressure to perform and be genius and mush your vibes with someone else and it could all clash like hell. Gulp gulp. Here's what I do to get the ball rolling at my jam sessions these days:

Cha Wilde + Spence Hood Jammin' at Cal Anderson Park in Seattle

THE WARM UP
I set up a casual hang out with a musician. We grab coffee, sit in the park or cheers whiskey in their living room. We talk for a while and then eventually pick up guitars and start mindlessly plucking on them.

AGENDA
I suggest that we each perform a song for the other so we can hear what we're working with, feel the vibes and warm up the juices. Then either one person plays a song they know and the other person harmonizes or jumps in when inspired OR someone just starts playing around with a chord progression.

HUNTING
Naturally, someone will start playing a rhythm or chord progression this is catchy and whoever it is, doesn't matter. It's like hunting; we're both searching through the forest and whoever spots something first zeros in and squeezes the other person on the shoulder to say, "hey look at this."

PLAYING PASS
Once one person has a steady beat going, the other can start to chime in with a pluck or a strum or a fun lyric. Usually, we're kinda shy and we mumble and fumble around until something more solid forms and we build confidence and start singing louder and louder. And then it will switch. The chimer-inner will find a natural pause in the music and sing or play louder or take everything in a new direction and now they're the leader. I love taking my jam buddy's lyrics or chord and tweaking it slightly. This makes it possible for us to build something together. They feel good because I liked their idea enough to use it. I put my own spin on it to see what else is possible and to inspire them to take it back and fuck it up again! Back and forth until it feels really groovy. 

JAMMIN'
At some point, suddenly we're flowing. It's weird because I'll realize we're playing a song. It sounds beautiful. The lyrics work. Are we really just coming up with this on the spot? I start thinking and celebrating too much and get distracted and the song flops. I dropped the ball. We go quiet and talk about music goals, social media and touring. We tell some silly stories and watch someone play catch with their dog and one of us will say "Wanna hear a song I'm working on? Maybe you could help me with the lyrics?" and then we do that for a while. 

YOU GOT THIS!
Jammin' used to be too scary. I didn't have anything to bring to the table. Now I want to jam everyday because I'm seeing results -- cooler ideas than I could have come up with on my own, friends helping me move roadblocks in the songs I'm writing, a beautiful harmony and sound creation that only happens with two live guitars or voices together (way better than playing alone in my bedroom -- way way better)! If you're one step behind me and feeling nervous to jam, my best advice is the only advice (and the suckiest) you just gotta fucking do it. Be embarrassed and awkward for a while. Own it. Be open about it. Tell musicians you're learning how to jam and you need guidance. That's what I did and now I can't wait till my next jam session (it's in 12 hours hehe). I'm just a little tadpole in this music pond and I'm already bubbling up with confidence after just a few jam sessions. You got this!

Setting Goals that Sounds Super Dope

If I own a sailboat, then I'm going to be super stressed because I'll be responsible for a boat and probably a lot of other things. Well, that's one depressing way to think about it. 

Yellow notepad in my lap, Spence Hood sitting across from me looking suave, daydreams freaking out in my imagination, chewing ice cubes, and Lake Washington sunshine. Here we are writing our 10, 5 and 1 year goals? Gulp.

I spent an hour thinking about everything that could go wrong.
How much work is that goal really going to take?
I don't want to doom myself to a workaholic lifestyle just to win a gold statue.
How much stress and responsibility is that goal going to put on my shoulders?
I don't want to buy a sailboat only to feel fucking stressed about it sinking or breaking.
What if I set goals and then feel like I HAVE to achieve them?
I want to surprise myself in this life; changing and going with the flow, not trapped or held accountable to something I said years ago with everyone watching. #freespirit

These worries made goal setting almost impossible. I'd think of something cool in theory and then immediately rule it out as undesirable in reality. I used to be ashamed to set lofty goals, afraid of being judged as foolish or overly ambitious. Saying "I want to be a rockstar," was terrifying so I didn't say it. That sucked -- never hide.

So fuck it.
Push fear and worry aside. I'll figure out logistics later (like how I'm going to find free employees who will take care of my sailboat for me). For now, I'm only asking: What sounds really fun? 

10 YEARS

• Perform at The Gorge Amphitheater 
• World Tour on a Sailboat
• Open a Super Dope Recording Studio -- like in a tree house or on a boat!
• Have an "All-Access Pass" -- Be Able to Call Up Anyone I Want to Work With and Go Anywhere I Want, Whenever I Want, Resources at My Fingertips to Do Fun Projects!
• Financially Supporting My Family with Music

5 YEARS

• Wilde Concerts -- privately organized shows in the wilderness!
• Wilde Swings -- my non-profit/guerrilla marketing plan, we install wooden swings in unexpected places, engraved with lyrics, poetry & inspiration quotes
• Wilde Retreats -- artist retreats (incorporating music, yoga, collaboration) in beautiful places to build community, confidence and create cool things!
• Road Trip Festival Tour Around the US 
• Working with a Team
• Financially Supporting Myself with Music
  
  1 YEAR
   
• Album Released on Music Platforms
• Releasing Monthly Collaboration with The Pineapple Nasties -- My Collaborator's Club 
• Secret Concerts -- invitation/word of mouth monthly gatherings, probably on the full moon, probably women-only (at least sometimes)
• Festival Performance
• Producers I like to Work With
• Earning Money Through Patreon