Facing Your Fears Makes You Feel Alive - Why and How to Do It

I used to be a dreamer. Now I'm a dream-doer. If you're new to dreaming, here's how it works. You're about to dive into a deeper level of living, led by your own intuition towards a higher purpose that makes you feel alive. You're going to start getting punches in your gut, strange ideas in your head that feel like instructions and eventually these nudges or invitations to behave in a new way are going to become so fucking annoying that it will be painful to ignore them and taking action will be the only solution. Obeying this intuition is like following a spiritual GPS and the set destination is your dream...whatever your soul longs to do next. Following this will make you feel ALIVE! And isn't that what we all want out of life? To feel alive? 

What does it mean to feel alive??? Alive is the opposite of dead. To feel the difference between alive and death, you need to know both. So doing things that bring you close to death will make you feel alive (because you'll realize you are NOT dead...you're the opposite...you're ALIVE!!!). Skydiving can make you feel like you're physically going to die so duhhh it's an easy option. But what about your other fears?

Why is it scary to perform on stage? Perhaps this deep chemistry and logic is cranking through your brain.... If I sing on stage and it's terrible, I could be judged and rejected which means I will be excluded from the group in some fashion and being excluded could be very dangerous because humans need humans to survive and thrive. If I'm rejected by my fellow humans I might be left to fend for myself in the wild. I MUST fit in and belong or else I am in danger. Must not risk my safety...must not do something that could jeopardize my safety in the group. And so we don't perform. -- Just a hypothesis ;)

Ironically, when people put themselves out there and are vulnerable on stage, they are often embraced and celebrated by our culture. You might find a greater sense of acceptance and belonging. But still, it's a risk -- we've all seen the TV singing competitions that encourage the entire country to laugh at and mock people who sound a certain way when they sing wholeheartedly. Frankly, I find it disgusting and it's one of the things that really fueled my own fears of singing publicly. 

I want us to remember that we are all human who desperate want to belong. When you see someone risking their life because they want to feel alive...catch them with a big hug and celebrate! They jumped out of the plane, they wanted to live and they took the risk and they could have died but because of YOU they landed safely with a buzz of happy adrenaline.

Please, jump. I want to see you fly. // Cha

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Here's a photo timeline of a performance I did at the Skylark Cafe in West Seattle.
PHOTO 1) It starts with me at home, drinking water like a man who's been stuck in the desert for years, hoping that hydrating will scare away the nerves.
PHOTO 2) Oh god, I'm driving.
PHOTO 3) Here we are. No turning back now. Friends are driving to watch.
PHOTO 4) Oh god, they want to photograph me.
PHOTO 5) Awkward laugh or real laugh - don't remember. 
PHOTO 6) Real laugh - I love my friends and my fiance is playing my guitar :)
PHOTO 7) Singing my songs, forgetting the words, looking my lyrics on a cheatsheet paper (which is never a good idea, it ALWAYS fucks me up because it distracts me from the present moment and the music.) BUT I DID IT and I felt all buzzy and excited afterwards. Not proud of my terrible performance (really it was shit) but I'm proud of my ability to push myself to do things that scare me...sometimes just to see if I can. To remind myself that I'm in control...of somethings.
 

Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself - Why I'm On Fire Right Now

Something funky is in the air. My girlfriends sit around me in tears, feeling pissed and totally befuddled by why the fuck they have no motivation. My ladyboss business buddies bust ass on the daily so when they come to networking meeting saying that they've been eating extra servings of meat, watching stupid TV shows, ignoring client emails and having their homes taken oven by in-laws it certainly seems like something is off in the universe. The girls say it's something in the stars and planets that's making us a mess of their lives right now. Sure, I'm totally game with that explanation but we're all curious...what is Cha's star sign because she's on fire right now!? haha While my friends crumble around me, I seem to finally be busting forth from the ashes...hot and firey, inspiration boiling in my veins, finishing projects right and left and welcoming in new dreams with open arms. I can't explain the stars but I can tell you what I've been doing recently that seems to be making a different. 

Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself: How to Lose Your Mind and Create a New One
Read this shit right now! Change your thinking, your feelings, your actions and BECOME who you want to be. Change yourself. Change the chemistry in your body and change the atoms that you're made of which are connected (phsyically) to all the atoms around you. Change yourself and change your reality. If I'm going to sing at the Gorge then I need to transform into a different person...the person who sings at the Gorge. What changes need to be made? I need to improve skills, perform often, constantly make new friends, put myself out there to be found and go one step further...insist that I'm found. I need to become the woman who has the skills, the network, the confidence to step onto that stage and rock it. So...I have to change. Normally we call this 'growth' but change is a more powerful word. Growth is more passive but I'm making the change. Oh and here's the beautiful secret....

I'm changing how I'm thinking, feeling and acting to become the kind of person I need to be BUT I'm not trying to control the outcome or predict how my dreams will manifest. I don't know what's going to happen to me on this path. I have no idea what to expect. I only know where I'm going. It's like climbing a mountain. You can see the summit but you have no fucking idea what you'll experience or encounter on the way there. That will all come naturally and as long as you keep being the person that summits (the one who keeps walking) then you will summit. // Cha

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THESE WORDS ARRIVED IN THE WORLD WHILE I WAS:
Sitting in Juicebox Cafe, Capitol Hill, Seattle drinking 'Green Classic' juice and a Raw Date energy bar. Yummers.

4 Life Lessons from My First 4 Performances

1. Tailgating for Joseph | A performance can be for one person, or just for the world, the animals, the plants. It's not about how many people you have in your crowd, it's about how open you are, how much you're giving and letting music flow through you, not for yourself but for whoever is listening. Performing can be considered a synonym of gift giving. LESSON: You have a gift. Now give it.

2. 8th Street Bellevue | When you perform, you're the one who is reaching out your hand. Sometimes, nobody will stop to even look at you. Keep reaching out your hand because you're leading the way. Maybe one day, someone will reach back and connect. LESSON: Someone has to be first. Be first. 

3. Queen Anne Farmer's Market | It's just noise. If you start to get nervous, focus on the kids in the crowd or the world around you. They have no judgement, just pure pleasure in the sounds you're making and the probably want to join in. If there are no kids, remember that every adult around you has an inner child that is probably feeling timid to come out and play and you can set an example for them, invite them to come out of their shells with courage, just the way you are as you sing before them. LESSON: We're all just kids inside and we're all just here to make noise and have fun with it.

4. The Gorge Orchards | I drove two hours to sing to a thousand apple trees (and maybe some Mexican farm workers). In the scorching sun of Eastern Washington, I stood and sang for over an hour, pushing myself to sing louder...louder....louder!! With wide open sky my voice was absorbed into space, the comforting echo/reverb/reflection to let me hear myself. No matter how loudly I sang, my voice felt weak, but I kept singing. I grew frustrated and discouraged that my voice didn't sound good. Maybe I was experiencing heat stroke but I had thoughts like "Who are you kidding, you're no where near good enough to sing at the Gorge. Listen to your voice. It's not powerful enough." But I kept singing until I was exhausted and even though it sucked, I knew it was the best I had to offer. LESSON: Don't stop until you know you've done your very best and then be okay with whatever that is.

Building a Music Fan-Base Through In Person Connection & Networking

You remember that street performer you talked to once? Wonder what they're up to? Follow them on social media? Super excited to see them getting famous and you can say "hey, I met them once before they were famous!" This is what we're going for. To get the traction we need, we have to interact face to face with as many people as possible; to be seen in public performing, to be handing out business cards and encouraging people to go to our website, to be singing and showing off our music every chance we get! We need to be so contagiously excited about what we're doing that news of us starts to spread like a contagion through the masses. It's easy to think that posting videos on social media is enough to build a following and develop our music career BUT that's never going to build the die-hard fan base, we're looking for. We realized this week that we gotta get more psyched about the gift that we have to give and then get our asses out the door and share it. We need to GIVE that gift so people can actually receive it, so they can feel connection with us and be excited to find and follow us online, in other words, to stay connected with us and build a relationship with us as an artist. The strangers who first encounter us online might grow fond of us overtime but the listeners who meet us in person first will be more loyal because they actually got to meet us. We feel more like an intimate or endearing acquaintance now than some random musician. They delight in the fact they get to say, "I met her once..." and they'll be curious...scratch that, more than curious...they'll be hungry for updates. I wonder what that singer girl is up too now? Better check in. Make sure we're publishing interesting stuff for them to follow and if it's actually educational / valuable / wise then maybe they'll even share it along to friends because "it turns out that girl actually posts stuff that helps me change and improve my life." Add value to the world and ask yourself (in everything you do), is this loving people? 

Now talking doesn't do shit. ACTION is what makes the dreams come true. So, here are my action items:

JUST DID IT:

1) This week I started performing on Instagram LIVE, including an Capella performance of a yoga chant (Gayatri Mantra).
2) I updated my website to make it look more shwifty - new photos, better organization.
3) I spent 20+ hours recording music and practicing my songs.
4) I pushed myself to fully let go and sing as boldly as I could in front of / with my husband (who I'm always shy to sing in front of wholeheartedly - afraid to be vulnerable or embarrassed by making weird music faces in front of him still). Did the absolute best I could in that moment and celebrated massive progress!
5) I up-ed my music goals with the 10x rule (multiple everything by 10 so 'now we're really talking) so now instead of wanting 1 album on Spotify, I'm aiming for 10 and instead of performing at the Gorge once, I'm aiming for 10 times at least. It's scary to admit your crazy big goals to people but I told my business friends about it at our Tuesday morning networking group and they were unphased, totally supportive and actually when the extra mile and connected me with some people they know in the music industry! Wootwoot!

JUST DO IT:

1) Business Cards - so I have something tangible to hand to people when I meet them.
2) Schedule at least 1 performance per week for the next month to make sure I'm regularly getting out and meeting people. Tell my friends about these performances so I'm held accountable. eek.
3) Go pick up a new busking permit at Pike Place Market so I can start performing on the street again. 
4) Perform improv piano somewhere - go find coffee shop, grand piano in a shopping mall or a piano bar and show off those fingers on the keys!
5) Contact the musicians I met at the last open mic to set up a coffee date - maybe we'll hit it off and decide to collaborate?

Rewiring Your Brain to Overcome Fear of Singing in Public

Afraid of performing or singing wholeheartedly in public? Yah, me too (at least I was...now I'm breaking free). I'm constantly on the self-improvement track to gain confidence and here's my latest progress. It's a BIG ONE.

"Where focus goes, energy flows." -- Tony Robbins

Zooming through brain books this month and I've putting all the self-control, habit correcting and courage building techniques into action immediately and I'm amazed at the results. It's only been two weeks and I've been plowing through to-do lists, reaching out to potential clients I've been shying away from for months, singing LIVE on social media, asking fellow yoga teachers if I can come sing in their classes, actually feeling excited to perform, seeing progress with my music recording, watching my behavior change towards others and myself (just way more loving, patience etc....)

HERE ARE THE MAGIC TIPS I'M TESTING OUT:

Get that gut feeling you should or shouldn't do something?
As soon as you feel that inner urge/guidance, start counting down backwards from 5. When you hit 0...take action. That's it. Like a rocket launching, watch yourself zoom forward towards your best self. THE FIVE SECOND RULE

Hear a negative thought?
Catch it. Erase it. Replace it. We're rewiring the brain. Derailing that habitual train of thought and laying down new tracks. Once you have a habit (a train track), it's there for life, so try and avoid building them in the first place and if you do, get off it as soon as possible and build a new track beside it and do your best to never slip back onto the other track. THE POWER OF HABIT

Who You Are Isn't Who You Need to Be
Think differently to change your physical body which will in turn influence your thinking and all of the above will change your reality. BREAKING THE HABIT OF BEING YOU

To attain my goal of singing at the Gorge, I have to become a person who sings at the Gorge. That is a different person than who I was yesterday. Yesterday, I was a woman who wanted to sing at the Gorge but was afraid and was hoping she would find a way to do it. Today I am a woman who sings at the Gorge and I behave in that way from now on. Who is she? What does she look like? What does she feel like? My first thoughts...she's performing all the time, writing new music and collaborating with musicians and recording and doing all these things that I was doing but not at the level she was. She's doing them ALLLLL the time. Not just a couple times a week. If I want to be her, I simply need to be her. This is the same principle I followed when losing weight. I wanted to lose weight which meant I wanted to be a fit person. A fit person eats lean and clean. If I want to lose weight then I have to become a fit person and that means I have to become a person who chooses broccoli over beer. It's that simple. I don't get to be a fit person and a beer guzzling person. Choose and then BE. // Cha

Cha Wilde [#8/?] The Skylark Cafe Open Mic, West Seattle

How many performances will it take to get to The Gorge main stage? Welcome to performance #8 and counting.... at The Skylark Cafe. I was surprising not that nervous until I stepped onto stage and started playing. I can be cool as a cucumber all day long, even as I walk on stage and then it's usually when I hear myself coming through the speakers that my mind starts to think - how does it sound? OMG people are listening? Oh god I'm actually performing. All those thoughts distract me from the music and I start to make mistakes and forget lyrics and then I get more nervous as I watch myself tripping up. Staying focused, like meditation, on the music in the first place might remove the nerves all together since they weren't there to begin with. And of course, I brought my lyrics printed out with me on stage this time - always afraid that I'll forget my own songs BUT I'm pretty confident that I do much worse having the lyrics because I use them as a crutch that keeps pulling me away from that meditation state. If I have to reply on my memory I drop into a deeper focus. Lessons oh the lessons....

PERFORMANCE #8/?
The Skylark Cafe - West Seattle (August 2, 2017)
Thanks to my friend Naomi who encouraged me to get my ass on stage, my friend Nikki for recording video and the family that came to cheer. Love you guys :)

The Secret to Making Life Long Friends Instantly

So for the rest of our lives, we will text each other at random times and ask, "Hey girl, are you livin'?" DEAL. So we shook on it (technically we hugged). Tats and I met in the crowd at the Bigfoot stage at Sasquatch Music Festival. Thousands of people swarming around us and our stand-out dance moves were the magnets that drew us together. I liked her instantly because she was laid back and clearly happy doing her own thing. We bonded over Maui (she grew up there and I lived there after college) and then we got all amped up about what it means to "really live" and feel alive. We were excited to find another person so determined to live life to the fullest and on that dance floor we agreed to be accountability buddies for life. We also made a backup plan - if we haven't texted all year, then we'll at the very least get in touch on New Years each year. It's just good to know there's somebody out there (no matter how far away) that is going to make sure you don't settle. That's their one job. 

Since Sasquatch (3 months) Tats and I have texted 5+ times to check in. 
"Hey girl, are you livin?" -- Yes! Just had amazing sex!
"Hey girl, are you livin?" -- I will be soon. Gotta finish studying for finals...ugh!!!
"Hey girl, you livin?" -- Yah!! I'm in Amsterdam!
"Hey girl, you livin?" -- Hellz yah, I just got married!! :) 

So far, it's amazing. It's special having her out there, somewhere in the world. Whenever I'm having an amazing time and I catch myself thinking "I LOVE LIFE!" I instantly think of her and shoot her a text to make sure she's feelin' it too. 

I'm sure it might seem odd to some people to dive into a relationship like this with a person you just met. But that's the beauty of it. You don't have to run background checks and rigorous tests to find out if you like a person or more importantly, if you care about their well-being as a human. Almost everyone I you meet has a high potential of being someone you could end up caring for deeply if you take the time. So, in the spirit of "innocent until proven guilty", why not be "friends until proven unfriendly"? 

When I find a gem-of-a-person, I ask them to be friends, immediately. It's truly that simple. I straight up say to people, "You're awesome. Do you want to be friends?" We'll laugh about how we're 'rushing into things' but how that's what life's about, right? I've been doing this since 2008. Over the past 10 years, I've bumped into strangers, asked them to be my friends, and they're all still around; they've become roommates, bridesmaids and pen-pals. Most people don't bite - they're actually looking for friends too and they'll be really grateful you asked first. //Cha

Cha Wilde [#3/?] Queen Anne Farmer's Market - We're Just Making Noise

I've started carrying my guitar around everywhere...just in case I want to play or the opportune moment for another performances smacks me in the face. After a business meeting, I was headed back to the car only to discover the Queen Anne Farmer's Market. I nervously walked through the crowd, scoping out somewhere to sit down and play and hope nobody would notice me. It's a strange thing to be forcing yourself to find a public space to hide. It's weird to want to be heard and not want to be heard at the very same time. Strange brain.... So I found a hill at the back of the farmer's tents near where lots of kids were sitting with their gabbing parents. Nervous as fuck to make even the tiniest sound, I started playing and clawed my through until the end when THANK GOD, a little girl came to play with me and broke the fear spell and reminded me that music is just noise. Humans are just noise makers...WE'RE JUST MAKING NOISE. That's it. Nothing good or bad or scary about it (in itself). The kids can enjoy it that way. How do we bring that back as adults? Playing music with kids is certainly one way that's helping me remember how to just play and make noise for fun. // Cha

Cha Wilde [#2/?] 8th Street Roadside Concert, Bellevue

my goal this year is to perform 28 times. i procrastinated for 7 months because i was intimidated by the big stage lights so.... in the spirit of making progress, I've accepted that it's all about baby steps. So mid-July, I grabbed my guitar and found an almost empty road in Bellevue for my first performance (me out in the world sharing music). I was actually nervous about making noise out there even though cars zoomed on by, nobody stopped. And it got me thinking...WHY don't people stop? We're busy, rushing around....we're afraid of making eye contact with strangers...our habits are to pretend we don't notice each other. In the past two years, my boyfriend has taught me how to break free from this cycle - be the one who stops my car because the person on the side of the street looked interested and i wanted to say hi, the first one to say hi to strangers every chance I get, the one who turns around and walks back to do that thing I thought of doing and almost didn't. The moments when I break the pattern and reach out my hand first to other humans are now the most magical door-opening moments of my life. I always feel so awakened and alive after following what my gut wants me to do "say hi to that person" -- "stop the car and listen" -- "start dancing in the street" ... There are curious invitations for fun and friends everywhere, you just have to be willing to accept them. It's awkward at first but the magic quickly takes over and it becomes a lifestyle full of joy and spontaneous concerts! #wildeasfuck

How to Make New Friends in the World by Simply Saying "Hello"

ahoy mateys!! Davey and I paddled Walter (our dead-weight turtle floaty -- he's amazing) over to the random guys on inter-tubes in the middle of Lake Sammamish. Were they happy to see us? Probably not. Did they know us? No. Did we care? No. 

I remember what it was like to be living in a bubble - a closed community that rarely introduced new people. It's a totally standard way of life these days in America.

People live with their families on private property, drive their own cars, sit in their own cubicles nearby their colleagues, and come home to have dinner with their life long friends. 
When out to dinner, they are 'with their family' and not interested in interacting with anyone new. On vacation, they're 'with their family' and apart from a little "Where are you from?" small talk in the hotel lobby, nobody is going out of their way to make new friends. It's as if they have made all the friends they're ever gonna need and now they're locked in. Anyone trying to say HI is an intruder. 

Thank heavens, I was introduced to a new way of life! Everyone in my friend groups is actively reaching out their hands to say HI. Festivals, raves, concerts, house parties, dinner parties, walks in the park, shopping for groceries.....every moment is an opportunity to make friends....not small talk. 

Some of my friends, I made simply by noticing them in public (usually at a rave) and B-lining it across the room to their sexy bodies to introduce myself. People are always amazed when I share these stories - it's abnormal behavior but it's so beautiful, empowering and fun AND ITS SIMPLE. Watch little kids do it on the playgrounds across the world. "Hi, my name is ___. Wanna play?" 

If you want to try but you're nervous, just lay it all out on the table. "Hey, I'm _____.  I'm on a quest to make new friends and you guys look cool. Can I join your game of beer pong/tennis/hopstoch/whatever....?' You will get NOs but most of the time, once people realize you're literally just being FRIENDly and you're not a weirdo (unless you are a weirdo) they'll let down their guard and who knows....they could end up being your new bestie. 

My Tribe is Gathering and I Must Go...to Paradiso!!!

"I can't believe you even had to ask! I'm already in the car!" I Snapchatted my girl Danika to ask if she was going to Paradiso this weekend. Silly question. She and all my other rave friends are packing their bags in different cities around the Pacific Northwest, preparing for their journeys to the Gorge - a sacred gathering place for wild lovers of music & people. I begin my journey today in Bellevue with a run around my neighborhood in the sunshine, a kale & fried chicken breakfast, a few hours of photo editing work to wrap up the work week, and then we'll set off. I'll sit in the backseat of the car with my headphones in, forehead against the window, daydreaming about the adventures the weekend has in store for me. Who will I meet? What will I realize? What gift will I come home with? How will my life change? Whose life will I change? How amazing it's going to feel to swim in the music and feel so much love for everyone around me. We'll drive through the mountain pass, beneath snow-peaked mountains and sparkling alpine lakes. We'll emerge on the other side, enveloped in warm air, sun baking down on the dusty desert and my soul will release a sigh of relief . My heart will fill with bliss and I'll skip around in delight. My tribe is gathering and I must go. // Cha

Spread Your Legs and Achieve Your Dreams

Ladies - when you drive your car, are your knees touching or do you drive proud with your legs spread apart (like a man)? A few months ago, I started planting my feet hip-width apart when I drive but holding my knees open (in line with the feet) is the tricky part - our society trains us to close up and be ladylike but here's what I say....

Your body language is astronomically powerful. Just ask Amy Cuddy. When your knees are dropped together, you are collapsing in on yourself (literally). In an attempt to be ladylike, you've actually moved your body into a physical position that is weak and unhealthy. You're not ready to hold your ground, balance heavy loads or sprint off quickly. Look at athletes right before they perform - they put their bodies into "ready set go" positions. When was the last time you watched the Olympics and saw a sprinter standing all prim & proper at the starting line? No sir, they stand like Amazonian warrior women, hands on hips, feet shaking out by their sides, spreading their chests wide to fill with fresh air. They're about to go after their dreams so they're taking up space with their physical body so their mindset can follow. Cultivating an Olympic metal-winning mindset (or in my case, a Grammy winning mindset) is a matter of changing daily habits so my lifestyle is a self-propelling circuit of empowering energy. If I habitually act ladylike everyday and then suddenly demand Amazonia warrior women behavior once a year, it's going to be tricky to pull off. Much more effective to make Amazonia lifestyle my norm so when the starting gun goes off or the curtain raises, my behavior is reflexive! No thoughts, just flow in the zone.

So when I drive my car, I plant my feet wide apart, and push against the mental resistant band that tells me to snap my knees together. And you know the crazy part? The results are instant. I catch myself with my knees together - I feel normal. I pull my knees apart - BOOM I feel like Wonder Woman. It's that simple. Control your body and you control your mind.

BUT I'M WEARING A SKIRT?!
Yah, me too. We can sit powerfully without flashing our hoo-haas at the world. First of all, when visible in public (like a coffee shop), I usually still cross my legs (it's just too far out of my comfort zone right now to flash the world) BUT I do try to open my legs sometimes and I'll cover my lap with a sweater or purse (just to be slightly less "vulgar" in everyone else's eyes). If my completely legs are concealed beneath a table (at a restaurant, desk or conference table) nobody can see anyway so I take my knees apart. At first it's feel so uncomfortable to 'have my legs open' in public but once I persist through the social discomfort, I feel more powerful during my meetings and dinner dates. Finally, when you're at home or driving your car there is ZERO reason (apart from habit) to have your knees together.

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE: Don't sit like a guy with your legs flopping out like wings. That's casual and confident but it's not powerful. Power comes from alignment because alignment gives you stability and fast response times. At your core, you're a skeleton and your bones are healthiest when they are stacked. It's better for your joints (i.e. your hips & knees) to be lined up rather than dropping in. Having your knees together or so far apart may place unnecessary ware & tear on your hip joints. Line it up, keep it natural for some self-love.

How are you going to run full speed after your dreams if you're carefully holding your knees together? Open your stride ladies! // Cha