DAY 17: Leave Me in your Dust

CREATIVE TEAM
Cha Wilde: Lyrics, Vocals, Melody, Recording, Production
Davey Browne: Mixing

JOURNAL
Multiple friends have broken up with me recently, soaring high in their careers and apparently no longer feeling an “energetic connection” with me. It stings and stirs up self doubt. Plus PMS and fatigue from over two straight weeks of songwriting…I cried a lot today and felt sick and made this song anyway in two hours — 830pm-1030pm. Fuck it. I waited until the very end of the day to start creating today’s song because I straight up didn’t feel like it and spent most of the day thinking about quitting this epic project.

I drive to my brothers house to pick up the Ableton Love project for day 1’s song so now I have all the songs we’ve made in the past 16 days and I can start publishing/releasing them. I’m going to post them on YouTube, SoundCloud podcast, Instagram and TikTok. I’m nervous to start sharing them because it’s scary to know people will be listening and judging. I know other people will be listening and loving.

So after procrastinating all day today, I finally threw some salad in my mouth and headed over to the studio. I sat on my pink shag rug, unpacked my recording equipment in a circle around me and started strumming random chords on my brother in laws old guitar (which I’m borrowing since my precious Taylor guitar got stolen a few months ago — still heartbroken). It sounded terrible and I knew the recording was bad quality with lots of background noise. But like I said…fuck it. My body hurts and all this song making feels like I’m ripping emotions out of my body everyday, prematurely. I’m used to marinating in emotions and gradually letting them ooze out over days, weeks, years as a song comes to life at its own pace. These days though, I’m ripping them out and it hurts a bit, very uncomfortable in my chest. Sometimes though, my most powerful songs are the most painful to give birth to.

love, cha