DAY 9: Spellwriter

LYRICS

There are thoughts that run through my head
Found them on pages of books I once read
Turned them into the words I once said 
Now they’re the stories that I tell in bed 

[CHORUS]
Imma spell writer if you hear me sing
Imma spell writer my words might sting
Imma spell writer it’s a wisdom thing
Imma spell writer truth I bring 


I tell them write them put them down 
Pages are patient they listen to me
As I learn to listen my mind is set free
To be in my magic a wordsmith in flow
Swimming in all of the words that I know
I tell them write them put them down 

[CHORUS]

There is a feeling that’s not meant to stay
Please little feeling be on your way 
All you feelings make my heart sing
Please little feelings turn into ink
I’ll tell you write you put you down

[CHORUS]

I hear the echos reverb in my chest
Words on repeat so you’ll know the/norest
There are some stories that long to be told
They’ll drive me crazy until I am old 
If I don’t tell them write them put them down

[CHORUS]

I put the pen to paper everyday
Curious to know what my soul has to say
Clear out the cobwebs that clog my brain
thoughts spinning me around insane 
If I don’t tell them write them put them down

[CHORUS]

CREATIVE TEAM
Cha Wilde: lyrics, vocals, piano, recording, production

JOURNAL
It’s too easy to think that the work I’m doing in this world doesn’t matter. It’s so easy to think it’s vain, self-important. Some internet troll actually called my artwork “vain” recently which has planted this idea in my head. Is the artwork I’m creating actually contributing to the world, my community? I know it is. People tell me all the time that it inspires them and still there is this weird feeling in me that what I’m doing isn’t helping. It’s just a doubt, I’m sure of it. A lot of the music and paintings I make are just messy sketches now and it’s taking courage to release them out into the world as they are, without weeks of fine tuning and polish. My work is raw now and I love the constant flow and rush of curiosity each morning. What will I create today? Sometimes, I get a little wiff of magic float my way in the song. I hear the medicine in it; the heart of one human expressing out into the universe for another human to receive it and beat with it. I’m the one putting the sounds out there first. I don’t know who will receive my sounds but I have faith that when they hit, they heal. I imagine the women out there (if that’s you, hello) who listen to my songs in the darker moments, at the end of the long day, in the hot bathtub and on the long car drives. I’m here with you. I create for you, with you in mind, in spirit. When I need inspiration, I think of you. When I wonder if I have a place in this world as an artist, I think of you.

It’s this social media world that has me questioning my place in society. An an artist, am I super important for our culture and evolution or am I fiddling around wasting time in a studio while other people (the real adults) get actual shit done for everyone. It’s too easy to think these dark little pesky thoughts. I delete the internet from my world and imagine I live in a little village in the jungle. I am the storyteller of the tribe. I sing the songs around the campfire that guide our souls through each day. I paint the pictures that capture our journey. I hold the deep sacred space for the others as they go inward to explore and evolve. My job as an artist is no little task and I choose to view it as the work of a medicine woman.

I hear this calling to me in my song today. I’m at the dining room table, home alone with a pine scented candle. Snow is on the ground outside. The whole world is quiet for the winter holidays and I’m creating a new song, a song just for today.

LOVE,
Cha Wilde

PS: I used auto-tune on my voice for the first time today. I’ve been stubborn to use it because I love my voice and wanted to show up authentically in all my songs. I’m ready now though to get funky with it and see what’s possible with this new toy. It’s not an excuse to sing off-key and get sloppy with singing. I’m still doing my best to sing perfectly on key and the auto-tune is just making me feel like Christian Aguilera because it’s adjusting my voice to hit smoothly where I normally shake a little because it’s just outside my reach. Dope.

DAY 8: Cursed to Be Alone

LYRICS
Maybe I’m cursed to be alone
All by myself
Baby it’s hurts to come home
As somebody else

CREATIVE TEAM
Cha Wilde: lyrics, vocals, recording, production

JOURNAL
God, this is a depressing song for me. A part of me doesn’t want to share this song with the world because it feels lame, dark, underproduced, maybe even messy or cluttered. I could judge it all day.

Another part of me is proud that I created this song in the first place because it was a dark fucking day. I DID NOT want to make music, it was painful to rip sound out of my body and I wanted to give up and quit. This project felt overwhelming and stupid. I was in the WORST mood, the kind of dark depressing mood where I wondered why it was worth even staying alive. A part of me felt suicidal and didn’t feel like it was worth spending any time or energy creating. Who cares?

I smoked a joint with Davey in the snowy woods. My face was so droopy and sullen. It must have been so intense to look at me, so hard on him to hold space for me in this state. He was so supportive, patient and eager to help me create. I think I felt embarrassed and childish to create in front of him when I felt so dark. He was so bubbly and I was complaining right and left. Finally, I told him to go away and alone in the basement of my parent’s house I held the microphone in one hand and mumbled how I really felt. The ugly moaning, whining tone of voice said “Maybe I’m cursed to be alone, all by myself. Baby it’s hurts to come home, as somebody else”.

On this day I was totally blended with a part of me who feels like the ugly black sheep of my family. Everyone else is dancing around being silly and playing MarioGolf and singing Christmas songs and I’m moody, emotional, reclusive and bitchy. I remembered how my first husband and I used to be buddies and run away from the family to do our own thing, be in our own world. My second husband, Davey, is so much more integrated into my family. He doesn’t run off with me as much because he’s playing with my parents…so naturally a part of me feels left out. My first husband is a philosopher who could go dark and moody like I do sometimes. Davey is a ray of positive sunshine and virtually never do I see grey clouds on his face. I feel alone is my dark side when I’m with him and it totally sucks to come home and feel like a sad person around such high energy and joy. So here you go. A song that captures this shitty feeling. It’s the best I could do.
Love, Cha

DAY 3: City Lights REMIX feat. Davey Browne

On this day there simply was no energy in my body to write new lyrics and create from scratch. I took yesterday’s acoustic song “City Lights” and produced it into an electronic track with more instruments. The original song only had vocals & piano. We recorded Davey playing guitar to add body. We added a dance beat and background vocals. I passed the project over to Davey to let him play in Ableton and apply his new music production skills. He’s been amazing at diving deep into technical tutorials that I usually avoid. This has allowed me to pick up tips through him while I can keep my main focus on lyrics and melody. It’s also really exciting to see him coming alive with passion for music. After years of arguing about music and not being able to consistently play together in a fun way, this project seems to be showing possibility of us working together. I can release some tight control over every song and make space for him to step in and help. I’ve always felt so protective of my songs but with a time crunch of a daily song, I’m eager for help and able to collaborate. I felt the nerves in my body on edge as he was working on this song…afraid of him doing something I didn't like and then having to confront him about it or release a song that didn’t feel authentic to me. I think in the end he really made the song come alive with more energy. This is an example of allowing a teammate to lead us in a new direction that feels uncomfortable at first but actually ends up guiding us somewhere more beautiful than I though we would go. Thank you Davey for your help on this song. I know you’re proud of your creative flourishes and you should be. This song has good vibes and I’m grateful we got to create it together. Love, Cha

CREATION TEAM:

Cha Wilde: Lyrics, Melody, Vocals, Piano, Recording Engineer, Production

Davey Browne: Guitar, Production Assistant, Audio Engineering

DAY 2: City Lights

Check out the REMIX of this song.

COMMENTARY

JOURNAL
This project feels insane. Am I going to be exhausted? I’m probably going to rearrange my entire daily schedule to make space for this; earlier to bed, earlier to rise. I’m going to have to learn how to pump out songs so fucking fast or else my entire life will be eaten up in the studio. I better figure out how to create while out on adventures. Should I burn bridges with my other businesses and clean up my online presence. No plan B. Is that what we’re doing here? Yikes.

Remember, parts are extreme. Is this plan from Self energy or from extreme parts? The only way to know is to meditate and open my mind. With a calm mind I will see clearly and know with confidence. What does this project connect me to? My husband and brother. The parts of me who are determined, disciplined, bold, world class. 

Where do I need to welcome in compassion? What am I most curious about? Where will courage be required? This will no doubt skyrocket my creativity, though I anticipate valleys. I just hop I don’t lose years of my life that could have been spent exploring out in the wilderness or wading into the ocean. This commitment will serve me if it gives me grounding and from that ground my faith will learn to fly with freedom. 

Ian talked down on himself for the EDM beat he produced yesterday and said he’ll be good enough to release his own music in 10yr when he’s 40. It hurts my heart to witness him held back in anyway whatsoever. He is so good and has every power to be ready now. This reignites my passion to liberate people from limiting beliefs.

DAY 1: Saw You feat. Ian Rattue & Davey Browne

LYRICS

I'm trying to escape a place
I don't want to leave
Trying to uncover my face
I don't want to grieve
I'm losing the thrill of the chase
If I don't believe
So believe

I'm trying to reshape a race
I don't want to run
Trying to escape a space
I don't think I'm from
I'll never pick up the pace
If I don't believe
So Believe

Every time I saw you I knew you knew
Everything you saw in my was true
Every time I saw you I knew you knew
Everything we saw we saw it through

CREATION TEAM
Cha Wilde: Lyrics, Melody, Vocals
Davey Browne: Guitar
Ian Rattue: Guitar, Beats, Recording Engineer
Katie: Emotional Support & Sustenance

JOURNAL
Holy shit, am I actually doing this? I wanted something to change my life, to get me out of a rut, to get me jumping out of bed with joy in the morning.

This was our best solution. I’m writing a song everyday for 11 years. Fuck. This is epic and insane and better than wondering ‘what if?’ and wasting my life in bed. 

Do it for my family. Give them the gift of me at my greatest, focused, present and alive following my heart and clearing a path for their dreams to blossom, a journey to share. 

Where do you want to be in 10 years? What path do you want to walk on everyday for the next 10 years? Make it 11 years to be extra special. 11 is my favorite number and we always “turn it up to 11”. ;)

To do a project like this I need to release fear. Goodbye perfectionism. I’ll need balance. If I’m focusing so hard on music I’ll have to bring myself back to yoga.

It’s only been a few hours and I already see how my commitment clears possibilities for my loved ones to step forward into their greatness.

love, Cha