How to Maintain Friendships When You're Consumed by a Creative Project

I’m staring at the pretty girl in my office. I wonder what she does at that company (I’m in a co-working space called The Riveter so everyone here runs different businesses). I’ve never talked to her before. I know her style is bizarre, totally doesn’t match what I’d expect from someone with her face. Kinda captivating. I wonder if she’s a gamer and does something really nerdy and thus extra sexy after work. Please don’t be a basic bitch. I feel a little envious of girl gamers. I long for the chillness, intensity and way they’re navigating a guy’s world. Hot. Especially when they look like her. Should I start playing video games when I get home? I’ve tried before. Maybe I could get into it. It looks fun. Especially if I can play online and hang with friends virtually. That might save me from the solitary lonely evenings after evenings I’ve got going on right now.

What happened to my social life? I used to be at parties every week, Friday plans booked, weekends with the crew crossing the state for camping trips and festivals, dates in the city, friends laughing on the bed till our stomachs hurt, girl vs guy bullshitting in the kitchen over who makes better guacamole. Where did everybody go?

Just when I start to think something is wrong I remember. I’m making an album. I’ve become a musical hermit. I’m not at the club tonight because I’m in the studio. I’m not getting down to the beats because I’m making them from scratch. I’m not laughing on the bed with my friends because I’m laughing at the silly sounds I’m distorting in my headphones. I could invite friends to hang or create with me in the studio but no thank you. I like the deep focus when I’m alone. I get way more done. I feel more free to experiment.

Nothing lasts forever, right? Once this album busts onto the scene, I’ll be with friends again. Or will I. Is this part of the ebb and flow of an artist’s life? I heard someone on And The Writer Is say that they have to go out and live before they can sit down and write songs. You gotta go do cool, scary, interesting shit, see what’s happening out there in the world, blend your molecules with the world and feel the ideas spark, the feelings hurt, the impatience to get back to the studio, the itch. “Fill up the well”, as Julia Cameron calls it in The Artists Way. We go through phases. Lots of friends then just me in the mirror. Lots of writing, then empty pages. Lots of running around, then my butt getting sore in a chair.

— Here’s a little audio message “Good vs Bad Isolation” I just recorded for you to ‘bring this blog post to life’ with my voice. Do you like this? Should I include more audio messages with future blog posts? There’s a comments section at the bottom of this post where you can leave your thoughts. ;)

Obviously, we can’t neglect people and expect them to be there for us on demand but with the right communication, we can include our friends in our artist isolation. We can update them how we’re doing, send them little sneak peeks of what we’ve created, invite them over for a cup of tea (even though we’re in the mood to make music) and have a face to face conversation and listen to their problems for an hour. Maybe your deep artist wisdom will be exactly what they need to hear right now. Give a little bit and then run back into the cave. Most importantly, send them messages of gratitude. Let them know how much you appreciate their support of your art, how much they help you, how thankful you are that they are such big fans and how excited you are to share what you’ve been working on so you can celebrate together at this end of this mammoth project. They are not neglected. They are your home, social foundation that gives you the strength to take this leap of faith and be fucking magical.

ALSO, I want to emphasize the vital importance of keeping one finger in the social life pie while all other nine fingers are busy playing guitar strings. I have created a habit that really helps ensure I don’t disappear off the social map completely. I have one day per week when I schedule coffee dates, invite a friend over, or visit a friend at their studio. Usually it’s a Wednesday or Thursday — right in the middle of the week when I can use a change of scenery and I’ve got some work momentum that will get me out the door. I intentionally choose people who fuel me, people who are also doing cool shit I want to hear about, people who inspire me and help me find exciting solutions to my big fucking problems and people who make me laugh. Social time is limited so I’m choose carefully what kind of human energy I’m consuming. It matters. You know that “you’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with?” stuff everyone talks about? This season, I put it to the test. I wrote down everyone I know in my life and I picked out five people that most closely aligned with the direction I’m heading in right now. I make an intentional effort (aka scheduling it on the calendar to make sure it happens) to interact with them, ideally in person, each week. Even if I’m not ‘in the mood’ for the social hour, even if I feel like a depressing messy version of myself, I hold these appointments because they are the breaths of air. I’ve been diving deep in the magical mystery and these social appointments are my few moments of coming up to the surface. Breath it in. Go back down. Make sure this air you’re breathing is highest quality, invigorating!

Here’s a photo of me and by music buddy, Spence Hood. We met up last week for coffee and our quarterly check in. He’s the only person I socialized with (outside of my roommates) last week. How’s your music business going? Still dreaming big? What books have you read? Who have you met this month? When’s your next show? How you going to surprise the world? This week, I’m socializing with Elizabeth Anne Cunningham and A. O. Hamer — both women with power energy I’m exciting to soak in this afternoon. That’s it. Then back in the studio for days of focus. Till next week.

Dearest friend,
I am going on an epic adventure. You are going to lose your shit when you hear what I’ve done. I feel afraid sometimes and I’m feeling very challenged but I often repeat your encouraging words in my head, and they give me the strength to continue and level up. I’m not exactly sure how long this is going to take but when I get home, I can’t wait to hear all about what you’ve been up to and we can celebrate how awesome we both are.
Fuck yes. You’re the best. Life is rad. Sending you love from the wilderness.
CHA🍍WILDE

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PS: If we are friends and you read this and something doesn’t feel right, text me. Let’s talk about it. ;)

Why Learn New Skills Is Worth the Painful Challenging

I want to sing on stage for you. I don’t want to dance around to my tracks, solely as a DJ, with no physical live input. It’s awkward. I’d probably get used to it. Worse though, it’s not a gift from the present moment, flowing in through my body. My electronic tracks flew threw me moments ago, months ago. I captured a feeling that we can resurrect, to which we may dance the night away as it can take us places. That’s nice. When I sing and play for you live though, that is right here, right now. That brings us together in this one precious moment. It’s fierce creation, intoxicating, chilling. Hello goosebumps. I want you to feel the vibrations leaving my lips, entering your body, so we know we are one.

Will I ever feel fully satisfied performing my electronic music? Will I find a way to perform live along with the track and have it feel raw and not just a paint-by-numbers kind of performance. When I perform acoustic, every sound is hanging on my move, I can drag out the pauses and tickle the air before slicing through it with my voice, taking you by surprise, taking myself by surprise. Part of me wants to give up on figuring out how to perform live with my tracks. Part of me whispers to keep going. We’ll have a breakthrough. We’ll be excited.

I’ve seen people perform live with the Ableton Live Push 2 pad, which I have been learning how to use at the pace of a slightly wounded and possibly lazy, or perhaps mainly resistant snail — read The War of Art by Stephen Pressfield if you think you’re a lazy or blocked artist. Why so much resistance here? Why does it almost physically pain me to turn on the Push and practice performing a song with it, creating a live beat? Too many buttons? Too many cables? Would I rather be fine tuning a song on the computer with my mouse and headphones, rather than creating bigger loops through speakers? Would I rather be improving at singing or mixing songs than training my slow fingers to drum quickly and memorize patterns. Would I rather _____?

If I’m asking the ‘rather’ question, what answer that wins? I would rather be what? Eating? Sleeping? Running? Doing yoga? Reading? Answering emails? Meeting clients for coffee? What’s so great that it wins the arm wrestle with the Push, or any other challenge that presents itself along my creation path? What is your challenge right now? Are you up for it?

What happens when we master a skill, or even just make a little bit of progress? Usually elation, celebration, play time, joy! The challenge is an obstacle, just like a puzzle, a brain teaser, an obstacle course, a dare, a finish line ahead. Sure, we can sit down, turn it off, walk away. Maybe we don’t care about it, genuinely. Usually though, I don’t start running a race I don’t intend to finish. Do you? Sometimes we make mistakes but when we do, we know it. We’re instantly up and out of there because we know it is so wrong for us there is no question. But when we question.

We question and consider quitting when it gets hard, not when it gets wrong. When it’s wrong, we’re done. When it’s hard, we’re wondering. If you’re wondering, keep going until you know. Yes? So I will learn this god damn push because it’s still bothering me. If you can’t stop thinking about it, do it. Right? So I’ll do it until the curiosity, annoying desire, taunting is gone from my head. Either I will love this thing or it’s not for me but by the time I know it’s not for me, I’ll really know because I’ll know how to use it fully and I will simply not be interested in it. It will be easily forgotten. You’re done when you can forget it. Until then, keep going.

LOVE,
CHA🍍WILDE

Wake Up Your Second Chakra with a Lawn Mower, Life is Always Just Life

Hey friends :) This morning I recorded a new episode for you showcasing how low, deep, bass, sounds felt in the lowest parts of our human bodies (in chakra terms, these low frequency sounds are stimulating energy movement in the first (root) chakra and the second (sacral) chakra. If you want to learn about chakras, read Western Body, Eastern Mind — it’s the best books I’ve found so far on this subject. These sounds we’re playing with today are growls, grinding, crunching, guttural, boom, stomp sounds that wake up our physicality, animalistic feelings, sexuality, tribalness, make you feel connected to earth. If you want to start exploring cool sounds for yourself and get obsessed with sound play like me, get a subscription to Splice. If you really want a taste of some monster bass music created by adorably sexy badass women, check out Whipped Cream and CRAY. Especially Whipped Cream. She’s inspiring me so much right now — I want to learn how to create sounds like hers, like smooth thunder.

In this episode we also create the sound of a lawn mover, with the frequencies turned up, slightly distorted, panning from the left to the right speaker, with a cello over the top and the sound of a bird chirping…just so I could prove to you that I can create any random ass sound in the universe — a demonstration of how unlimited we are in making electronic music, thus my obsession. So, I’m sorry guitar, I love you but you just can’t do everything I need you to do. It’s not you, it’s me. My need for fresh sounds is just too intense for one instrument. ;)

The lyrics in this episode were drawn from this “Letter from God” in my journal — see image below. I started writing ‘Letters from God’ in my journal as a way to speak to myself in a wiser, chiller, less stressed out or biased voice. I wanted to hear praise and love coming to me from somewhere outside myself. And yet, since I’m writing these letters, this message is coming from within me. It’s been a beautiful project that I’ve worked on now for months and every time I finish a letter, I look back in a little surprise realizing I almost have no recollection of what I wrote, it felt like I was just listening through the paper and hearing what I most needed to hear. A gift to myself. Do it.

And so we meet again, you beautiful mischievous creature,
Can you tell by your actions, using courage take care,
You'll feel your best, when the stories in your head,
Every time you say no, you become stronger
Movements are slow, movements are slow
Every time you say no, you become stronger,
Moments are slow, movements are slow.
You've been doubting yourself, every turn, every step
It's the doubts that destroy you,
Do not forget.
You have many things to do and enjoy.
Your intention can carry them all with love.
Life is always just life. x4
The more still you become, around you will move.
Stay in your center, stay in your center, Move slow.
Life is always just life. Always just life.

“When creating music, let your songs grow in the direction that feels good. Same in life. Grow in the direction that feels good.”

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Once you finish listening to my new podcast episode, if you need something else to do, watch the Our Plant: Behind the Scenes documentary on Netflix. Warning, heartstring pulling will happen and help you believe in climate change (if you’re not already convinced), as you watch walruses committing stupid suicide, jumping off cliffs. Christ this is depressing.

Want something more uplifting? — Pick up some pro-tips of creating a successful business, listen to Entrepreneur on Fire, hosted by John Lee Dumas who will drill into your head that FOCUS stands for “Follow One Course Until Success”.

LOVE,
CHA🍍WILDE

Do Your Work and Finish the Damn Project with Joy

I have a post-it note above my painting table that says “Do Your Work” and it stares at me in the moments when I’m thinking about plans instead of acting on them.

"…as [George Orwell] was avoiding writing, he ‘did so with the consciousness that I was outraging my true nature and that sooner or later I should have to settle down and write books.” — The Second Mountain, David Brookes, p88

I trudged up a steep emotional hill to get to work this morning. God it was almost painful. Life felt weird all morning and I knew that feeling wouldn’t go away until I sat down at my computer and mixed a song. The end of the album is upon us and the last bit of work is nitty gritty technical mixing and mastering. I’m adjusting frequencies, deciding which sounds go in the left ear of the headphones and which go to the right. I’m zooming in on the audio waves and cutting out tiny little jagged bumps so my singing sounds smoother. I’m opening and closing my DAW projects over and over, exporting, upload, listening to the same song dozens of times, searching with my ears for any blip or weird feeling. This is the part of the process when we polish and decide how the world will hear this music. It’s a big deal and the work requires 100% focus. I can’t multitask, have any background noise or let my mind wander for even a moment. This intensity scares me away. But this morning, the sunshine filled a blue sky and I sat in my driveway with my morning tea, watching clouds move and I asked myself, WHY AM I EXCITED TO DO THIS WORK? HOW DO WE MAKE IT FUN?

If my music were a play on Broadway, the rehearsals are done and tonight we’re getting ready for the big show. We’re in the dressing room putting on makeup. The final touches are exciting - it’s a celebration of how far we’ve come. Last summer, I decided to create and album and here we are, almost at the finish line. Don’t give up right before the end! Don’t hate your baby just as you’re about to give birth (just because the birth is kinda painful). Dive in with all the enthusiasm you have left and carry it through to the finish with love. Serve your work. Show up with your whole heart and make sure this project emerges into the world with the power it deserves; make sure you’re proud of it.

Why Routines Give Artists More Freedom

I’ve become a role-model for routines. Friends tell me “I can’t do routines like you. I’m just not a routine person.” Me neither, friend! I’m a free-spirited don’t tie me down girl and I resisted routines for years. I thought routines were boring, constricting, robbing me of my youth and freedom. Routines are for stressed out old and boring people. But then I read The One Thing and The War of Art and I realized my desire to accomplish my goals outweighed my desire to live routine-free. These books promised me that routine would actually give me freedom. By committing and deciding, we free up mental energy to actually do the work. I was getting really stressed every morning trying to figure out how I should spend my time. Should I take photos, send emails, make music, practice piano, go to yoga? Too much to choose from plus the stress of wanting to make the right decision. Spreading thin and overworking was leading me to burnout instead of success. So we simplify and focus. It requires discipline at first but almost immediately, joy and fun rush in the door. The simplicity and the daily routines tell me what to do so I can focus on the actual creative process, what I’m creating, what I care about, rather than floundering around deciding how to spend my time. So worth it.

My routine isn’t cemented on the clock. It’s pretty basic; I just make sure I’m producing music for approx 4 hours a day. As long as I’m getting in those hours, I rest peacefully knowing I’m making progress. During those four hours, it’s me time. I’m totally focused and I dive deep, free to play with creativity, not a doubt in my mind if I’m spending my time wisely. I am. I’ve decided this is what I do. When I’m done with my producing time, then I’m totally free to do everything and anything else. Check! Peace of mind is freedom. Seeing progress in my skills is freedom. Now, I love my routine. Don’t touch it! Don’t take it away from me. I live for these hours of dedicated focused creation. I’m energized by them and I can easily work far beyond the designated 4 hours. I can literally work 6, 8 or 10 hours a day and I have to hold back and take care of myself so I don’t overwork and burn out. I built up this stamina through a routine. At first I just had to touch the music for a few minutes everyday. Then I worked up to a couple hours. Then four hours. Now it’s all freaking day!

Routines sound boring because you only hear corporate people talking about them. You’re afraid of being chained down. As a creative entrepreneur, an artist, a free agent, you want to wake up without feeling weighed down or obligated. Don’t worry. Create your own routine. Own it. What does it mean to YOU? How is a routine going to give you more freedom? What kind of freedom do you value most? Make a new definition in your own world about how to spend your time. If you want results, you have to put in time, energy and focus. You have to build a routine to make this gift of yourself consistent. You’re going to love it.

LOVE,
CHA🍍WILDE

Why I Didn't Cancel My First EDM Show at Conor Byrne Pub

I wanted to cancel this show so badly. I was hacking up a lung, dying of the flu, on my period, exhausted from the holidays, lying pathetic on my couch, crying and stressed by the fact I just agreed to perform and I still had no idea how to work with the buttons on my equipment or arrange my songs. I was going through all the reasons why a music career is a very bad idea and why it was a total mistake to agree to perform at Conor Byrne Pub. I wasn’t planning on performing until May. They asked me to perform on Jan 16. I should have said no. I’m not ready. My songs aren’t mixed yet. I’m trying too hard. Nobody will come. Everybody will come. Expectations are too high in my head. I’m not aligned with my deepest meaning in life and I’m going off track. I shouldn’t want the spotlight. I should be a monk. This is my calling. You love this. I don’t believe myself. Don’t let yourself down. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Blah blah blah.

Davey said, “You’ll be amazing.” That didn’t help. Added more pressure. My girlfriends reminded me that I love making music and connecting with people. I have been dreaming of performing my music and so full of light and joy around it. I just need to go through this moment of challenge. THE BIGGER THE BARF, THE BIGGER THE GROWTH. If I chickened out of this show, it would be another notch on my belt of shame, self sabbatoge, avoidance, and “what the fuck is wrong with me” nasty thinking. I’ve loved music my entire life but I spent the first 26 years avoiding singing on stage. If there was a school play, I would sign up for stage crew. If my college roommate went to choir auditions, I would say I was busy doing homework. When church choir needed a soprano soloist, I dropped my voice and pretended to be an alto so I could sing with the boys and never have to step into the center stage spotlight. And yet, secretly, I was obsessed with Taylor Swift. Her hair was permed. I permed mine. I saw her in a magazine with a red guitar. My first guitar was red. I traveled by bus across Scotland to buy that first guitar and I played for hours a day self-teaching when I was 21. I sang in the car for at least 1-2 hours a day when I was in high school and relished this privacy to sing like a star. I never went to concerts though because it was too painful in my soul to watch other people doing what I secretly wanted to do. I dreamed of performing and never took action. It was took scary. I loved it too much to fail. God, I hated American Idol and how people would be laughed at. I was deadly afraid that I thought I was amazing at singing but if I ever sang in public, American Idol would happen. Everyone would laugh and whisper, “I can’t believe she thinks she’s actually good.”

When I was 25, I was in a yoga teacher training and my teacher encouraged me to dig deep inside and find out where I was holding back in life. Music. She encouraged me to sing. I trembled and cried and everyone in the room waited and waited. 45 minutes later, I was singing, opera style. Letting it the fuck out! Something in me had broken. That was the beginning of me singing in public and embracing the fact that I want to perform. The dreams that were so secret were coming out to play. It’s been almost five years since that day in the yoga studio and I have faced the challenges; learning instruments, stepping on stage, learning production, posting videos of myself singing etc… My friends have held my hand and cheered me on and devoted countless hours in conversation with me digging through my fears and doubts. So for me to come this far, break through all those level and then right now, when shit is about to blossom, I’m going to cancel the show and run away? No fucking way. I still don’t know why I was so afraid of sharing music as a kid, what kind of subtle trauma closed up my throat chakra. Maybe I’ll never know why I shut down (my mom seriously never heard me sing between the ages of 3 and 26). What I do know is that I never want to go back to that secrecy. My desire to cancel the show was an old habit, an attempt as holding back, staying small, playing it safe.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” — Anaïs Nin

This quote has stuck in my mind since childhood. As I laid sick on the couch, thinking of canceling my show, I said this quote over in my head. I realized that today is THE DAY. Performing was stressing me out and stress is painful and harmful but I believed that following through with the show would break me through to a new level of freedom in life. I had to go through. Cancelling the show would just cause me greater pain and lifelong harm, damage to my spirit. Don’t die a bud. Blossom now. Then you can die happy later. ;)

Great, we’re gonna blossom but how do we actually get up on that stage? How do we go from sickness to enthusiasm? These are the specific things I did to change my mindset and on the night of the performance, not only was I not afraid, I wasn’t even nervous. I was calm and excited. Ready.

1. Focus on Love: You started on your journey because you loved something so much it called you forward. I LOVED music so much that I just had to learn how to make it myself. I would be dancing at concerts, overwhelmed with love for this magical mysterious musical thing. That love is what called me onto the stage. So walk onto the stage with love. I love my songs like children. I’m proud of them. I will put my songs in the spotlight so they can be loved by the world and I will stand with them (dance with them more like) BECAUSE I freaking love them. I have fun creating my music, dancing to it in my garage, playing it for friends. Why would I suddenly be shy to play it on stage? If I walk on stage and focus on fear, I’m totally missing out on a chance to enjoy my music in a new way, a bigger way. Go up there for your music!

2. Focus on Service: Somebody needs what you have. I’ve had life changing moments at concerts, dancing to somebody else’s music, because they had courage to walk on stage. Other people’s music gets me through the moments of my life, so I know I’m connected. Somebody out there in the audience, is going to feel connected when you perform. Go up there for them.

3. Focus on Growth: “It doesn’t matter how slow you go, as long as you don’t stop.” My grandparents said this. Step by step we move towards our goals and our dreams blossom into reality. We blossom. Think of how amazing it is watching the people you love do cool shit. Now it’s your turn. Grow into the next version of yourself. Find out who you will become. Find out what you will become. Show up for yourself. Evolve!

4. Focus on Joy: Happy humans are singing, dancing, laughing and playing. Life is full of shit and so we must celebrate as much as possible. Give everyone a reason to celebrate tonight. Your friends have a cool reason to come out dancing! You and everyone at the venue are going to party and dance. Tonight could be the last night of eternity so dance away! You’ve worked so hard for a year to create this music. Don’t die off at the last moment. Finish! Celebrate all this hard work you’ve done. It’s show and tell time! You’ve created music that is full of joy. Go celebrate!

5. Focus on Being Part of the Universe: I have a beautiful gift to give to the world (and so do you) and I need to share my gift (and so do you), or else I will die inside (and so will you). We are a channel that a message is passing through and when we stop the flow, our souls and spirits stagnant like swampy water. Keep the river flowing. Let the art pass through you. We are going to feel sick to our stomachs, doubting, shaking. It’s a lot to ask of a little human. The greatness of the universe, the power of creation, is going to possess our bodies and we’re expected to just ride it like a wave. We’re surfing on this big scary ocean but remember…when we do it, when we stand up and catch that wave, holy fuck, we’re stoked.

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stoke (v.)

1680s, "to feed and stir up a fire in a fireplace or furnace,"
from Middle Dutch stoken "to poke, thrust,"
from Proto-Germanic *stok- "pierce, prick,"
from PIE *steug-, extended form of root *(s)teu- (1) "to push, stick, knock, beat" (see stick (v.)).

Meaning "to stir up, rouse" (feelings, etc.) is from 1837. Stoked "enthusiastic" recorded in surfer slang by 1963, but the extension of the word to persons is older, originally "to eat, to feed oneself up" (1882).

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When you share your art, you are opening yourself up and giving the universe permission to poke you, push you, stir something up in you. You are saying, “Okay, do something with me!” — during and afterwards, you feel the rush! The surfers get it. You paddle out onto the ocean and you say, let’s do this. Carry me. I’ll ride the wave you send me. You wait. You feel the wave coming towards you, lifting under you, washing away and you’re left there, exhilarated, enthused, filled with the power of God and life, and holy shit what just happened!?! We cannot control the ocean of water or the ocean of creativity or the ocean of life. The oceans invite us to ride on them and as a reward for our boldness to accept that seductive invitation we are stoked and we come alive! You are what you eat. When you create art, you are filling yourself with the creative power of the universe that expands through us in every direction. The universe is feeding you, feeding your soul. You become one with the universe.

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So I didn’t cancel the show. Thank god. I got through the scary part. My body threw a fever to burn away the flu virus. My spirit threw a fever to burn away a lifetime of built up fear around performing. The fevers broke. Now, I laugh at the how scared I was and I’m grateful I held steady at the helm. I sailed through the storm and now, the skies are clear and I’m hella excited to get my name signed up for as many shows and festivals as we can this year. Bring on the experience. We made it out of the starting gate and momentum is building. Totally stoked. Also, this show reminded me of how community is all that matters. Loving each other, showing up to support each other and dance and cheer, helping each other set up and taken down, carry stuff to the car. Be there for your friends. They will be there for you. Again and again. Keep showing up for each other and make these friends so strong they are your life.

LOVE,
CHA🍍WILDE

— At the end of the show, Davey tossed me up on his shoulders, all my friends came up on stage with me and we screamed, “1.2.3. WILDE!” for a photo. Thanks guys! I love you. It was SOO COOL hearing my music for the first time through giant stage speakers!! The whole room was shaking and it made people dance! Every time the beat came in I was thrilled by the surprise of how powerful it was, i kept looking at davey and laughing whenever the speakers went BOOMBOOMWUBWUBWUB!!!! Haha more please! 🍍✌🤩🎶🎧💻

Listen When You Need Me -- Rehearsing Landslide

One of my favorite song -- LANDSLIDE by Oh Wonder -- I listen to this one in my moments of heartache and loneliness. It reminds me how there are people out there, musicians, who are reaching out to be here with us in these moments. Through the music we write, we can be there with each other on demand. When people need us we can't always be there in person and we actually don't even know each other personally most of the time. You don't have my number so you literally can't call me in your time of need. We live thousands of miles apart but we are in this human life experience together. Through the music, you can reach through time and space and be with me. Thank you Oh Wonder for this song and for letting me know that you'll be there for me when I need you. I have no idea if this song was written for a certain person or if they meant it as a general promise for humanity but I'm banking on the second options ;) I certainly feel this way for those of you who listen to the music I'm creating. I hope I can be here for you through the sounds I send out into the world. Listen when you need me. LOVE, Cha 🍍

The First Guests on the The Cha Wilde Show: Heather Thomas and Emily McVicker

3. Heather Thomas, Big Dreams and Funky Drums

Heather's funky fingers are on my drum pad in this episode. In between making beats, we discussed her plan to fall in love with Elon Musk, part of her larger plan to get to the moon and play drums in space. ;) We researched the Golden Record out there in space and brainstormed what kind of music we would sing on the moon (since the entire world will be watching that show). Heather gives us a lesson on the different parts of a drum set and how they’re used to create different genres of music. We get all excited about how awesome Ableton is (better than other DAWS, yes!?), and of course (because it’s Heather Thomas) we discuss the importance of facing your fears, journaling and challenging yourself to grow. Plus we get to hear about Heather's big adventure; she's dropping everything and heading around the country on a DIY music tour in 2020. Every month she’s in a different city, for the entire month - performing, teaching, building a band, recording. Dope. Heather Thomas: https://www.heatherthomasmusic.com/

4. Emily McVicker, Underwater Mermaid Rave

Once you write a song about a baby mermaid and condoms in the ocean, you’re probably going to be haunted by this for life. At least, I’m probably never going to not think of mermaids when I hear the name “Emily McVicker”. This delightful human is a beatbox machine and she spit some beats (and probably some spit) into my new Aston microphone inside the purple Halo vocal booth in my studio! I found a bunch of water and ocean sounds (it’s bizarre what sounds you find when you search for ‘mermaid’) and Emily and I talked about raves (why she doesn’t go), making Christmas songs (or not) based on our past religious experiences and current spirituality, how promoting other people really helps promote yourself and how building a community is the best thing you can do for your music career, and of course, Harry Potter…if we were teachers at Hogwarts…what would we teach? Emily McVicker: http://www.emilymcvicker.com/

Here’s the song that popped out of Emily’s episode. This is just a draft (#25) of what we worked on. Emily is the beatbox beat in the back and I messed around with vocals until my mind got all mussy and I had to step away. I enjoy the beginning of this song right now but then it just gets repetitive and boring. To develop it into a full blown song we’re going to need to invest a lot more time to give it some structure and meaningful content. I’m really excited by the introduction of beatboxing, real beatboxing, not just my fake beatboxing. Emily can actually beatbox out of her mouth. When you hear my songs, it only sounds like I’m beatboxing because I arrange clips of my vocals into cool patterns. haha Emily’s main tip for being a good professional beatboxer is that you need to make it feel good. Everyone is capable of making the sounds with their mouth, she says, but to be a good beatboxer you need to intuitively feel out the good rhythm that you’re creating with those sounds. Sounds like a concept that is valid across all music.

I threw Emily and Heather on my Ableton Live Push 2 pad and both of them had fun playing with it but admitted they didn’t know what they were doing. I was curious to see how these two artists, who are both practicing acoustic instruments but dabble in electronic looping and drumpads, would adapt in my studio. I feel most enlightened, not by what they played on the pad, but HOW they played. Seeing them experiment, be silly, and not have any fear of pushing buttons they aren’t familiar with, was a beautiful reminder of how liberating it is to be in the company of a person creating with joy, without self-consciousness, just trying it out. After recording both of these sessions, I noticed my own confidence boost up, I’m suddenly making weird sounds out my mouth and breaking into random little songs, feeling less inhibited as I improvise lyrics in front of other people. I didn’t try to change myself, I just witness a shift take place. My brain put it together, by watching two women sing silly and free before my eyes, something inside me understood how that was done and started exhibiting that behavior too. Everybody is rubbing off on you so surround yourself with people who act more the way you want to act than you do.

“The ultimate distinction you make is between yourself and the world. There is the inside (your subjective experience) and there is the outside. But every time you learn something, your brain is altered as new connections are formed. Your experience of something that occurs in the world physically alters your brain. The boundaries between you and the world are much more fluid than you might imagine.”
― Robert Greene, Mastery

Thank you Emily & Heather for joining me in the studio and being silly.
LOVE,
CHA🍍WILDE

Become Your Future Self or Feel Awkward on Stage Forever

“Now you have to work with the awkward middle age woman. “

You’re only awkward because you tell yourself you’re awkward. You make it worse every time those words fly out of your mouth to openly laugh about your insecurity. We can joke about it endlessly and you’ll never get more comfortable or confident in front of my camera or a crowd. Self-deprecating humor can be a charming and humorous tool to build connection when used intentionally but if you’re using it as a crutch, calling out your own insecurities before anyone else laughs at them, this is not skillful, it’s a coping mechanism. Stand up and own the fact you feel insecurity without using words. Feel inside yourself those uncomfortable feelings, stare them straight in their squirming little face and act above them. Do the thing. Do the thing with as much boldness as you can muster, and don’t bother utterly any words about how you feel or how you’re performing. Just do it the thing in silence. Inside, you’ll feel awkward and nervous. Outside, we see you showing up. I don’t care if you are awkward in front of my camera. I can work with that. I can talk to you, make you laugh, get you to relax. I’m good at that. The awkwardness is not the problem. The problem is what you keep telling yourself, the messages you’re feeding yourself that are keeping you stuck in that awkwardness. So put down those stories and step onto the stage, step in front of the camera, step into the room, step in front of the mirror and other people’s eyeballs and be as you are, awkward or not. The more you refuse to let the awkwardness control your identity, the more room you’ll find to around you, space to grow and expand and realize just how magnificent your energy is when you let it out to play. YOU are not awkward. You are choosing to cloth yourself in awkward words, thinking and behavior. Put on a different outfit, my love. You’ll feel different, look different, act different, and a different life will be yours.

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This message is for the women who talked to me after my shows last week and the women I photographed this weekend. You all have been looking at me saying how totally awesome I am. You’ve admitted that you feel insecure and awkward, that you feel so nervous speaking in public, you can’t image singing on stage, and you don’t see yourself as being a confident, sexy, powerful woman who can rock the camera like a supermodel. I hear you. You shared this with me and I appreciate your vulnerable honesty. I have felt exactly the same way at various moments in my life. These days, I’m super comfortable on camera and on stage. You know how I got here? By shutting my mouth and doing it. My journey has been really uncomfortable, awkward, embarrassing, stressful and full of shooting myself in the foot moments that I’ve had to heal from and overcome. We are all facing the same challenges along our own paths. I have spent so many freakin hour sitting at my piano, playing with my eyes closed, imagining that if I opened my eyes I would be performing on the giant main stage at the Gorge Amphitheater. I told myself that my imagination was so powerful that I could convince myself that this was real and if I visualized it hard enough, I could really feel it as a reality, in my body. Practicing this visualization over and over, it got more comfortable. I was brainwashing myself to believe in who I will be and to feel it, like reaching into the future and feeling my future self right now. This is what she feels like. If I can feel her in my imagination then maybe I am her? Feel it. Feel it. Feel it. It’s a fuck ton of mental work to convince yourself that you’re a rockstar. I realized that I would never become her if I didn’t start acting like her, dressing like her, thinking like her, feeling myself as her. Play dress up in your mind and in your life until you are who you want to become. Your future you is your hero and role model. Become her.

LOVE,
CHA🍍WILDE

Why Going Outside Your Comfort Zone to Sing in Public is Totally Worth It

Sharing what you write is vulnerable. Yes. Singing in front of people, talking into a microphone, walking on stage, is vulnerable. Yes. Why bother doing the thing that makes your knees shake? Why put yourself in that desperately uncomfortable position? Why go outside the comfort zone? Why?

Tonight, I played my new electronic music to the ladies at the Doe Bay yoga retreat. We sat in the living room, wine glasses all around and listening ears. “For the past year,” I told them, “I’ve been developing a new kind of music that revolves around balancing chakras.” I gave my talk and played them examples. My fingers were shaky on the keyboard. I didn’t know what to do with my feet. I sang with my eyes closed. I usually play with my eyes closed to help me go inside my own world, a protective cocoon, shutting out the audience as much as possible so I can connect with the music. I start to feel awkward with my eyes closed though. It’s weird to close people off visually when I’m there to connect with them but it’s also extremely uncomfortable and weird to make eye contact or worse, look off into the middle direction of nowhere.

I believe that with enough practice, enough shows, I’m going to find my ease with the eyes of crowd lingering on my movements. I’ll let the tingles drip off of me and I’ll be able to play not only the music, but the crowd. The work I’ve done on the chakras is opening up worlds of understanding about how human beings function as energetic creatures, especially when we’re in community or crowds. One sound can make us all feel the same, or at least a very similar, sensation and do a similar movement together. Crowd control through sound is effective and with mindful application of chakra knowledge, I can influence the crowd towards healing, harmony and inspiration.

In between each song, I told the women the stories behind the music. This is the most rewarding moment; the moment when I get to share 100% of myself, the truth, the raw bits, the details that are so real I can feel hairs stand up in the room and sometimes I wonder if it’s too much. I’m making people uncomfortable. I’m saying things they hardly let themselves think. They ask me questions…

Yes, I felt insecure and awkward the first time I heard my own voice coming out of the speakers. Your voice sounds weird to YOU until you listen to yourself so much that your brain equalizes. I’ve spent so many hours recording myself and listening back that now my voice sounds the same inside and outside. Like everything, the more you do it, the more you get used to it and the days when it “sounded weird” feel very long ago.

”I can’t believe you’re singing what you wrote,” said the woman who feels insecure and way too vulnerable sharing what she writes. She was talking about me singing my lyrics in front of everybody and explaining what I’ve wrote so publicly. Yes, sharing can be vulnerable, and you might feel crippled, paralyzed by your fear, your nerves. It passes…if you take action and do it. Thinking will make it worse. Taking action will make it better. If you write something. Share it. If you can say it, sing it. Put it out there for us because we all long for more inspiration from others, more intimacy and more connection. Put it out there for yourself because you long for expression, to be free from yourself and the ways you’ve held back, to make room for something new to flow in. Put it out there for us, humans are born to create. Don’t fuck up the flow by overthinking it. Share what is coming into you. We’re all channels, just like the radio, and the people who love you and the people who love what is flowing through you, are eagerly waiting for your channel to broadcast from the mountaintops. Share now.

Yes, everyone in the room is showing up with totally different energy levels, life backgrounds, moods and all the chakras of all the people in the room may be totally out of wack. It would be ridiculous to think that everyone is on the same page. Can the music get us there? Can my intro to the show, the opening speech where I explain the chakras and how I’ve created music to balance chakras do it? If I begin the show playing sounds from each chakra and aligning, attuning us all to those sounds, will it bring us to the same page? Similar to a yoga class with a meditation and OM chant at the beginning. Is this how we can connect everyone before the music begins? All this will be explored by me on stage this coming year. Let’s begin the research. If you would like to attend a show with me and see this project grow in person, check out my upcoming shows. I would love to see you there!

VIDEO: "Jump the Picket Fence” by Cha Wilde — LIVE at Doe Bay 2020 — I’m recovering from the flu and it was difficult to sing at this retreat. I don’t know if you can tell in this recording that I’m sick but regardless, I decided to share the recording because it was this moment when I first performed this song and it had such an impact that sick or not sick sounding, I believe there in some magic in it for you. ;)

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The song in this video (above) is called" “Jump the Picket Fence” and it was the most popular song of the weekend with these yoga retreat ladies. They asked me to play it again and again. Why? This song is a Wilde card ;) if I ever wrote one. Of all the songs on my new album, I felt like this is the dark horse. One by one, the songs appeared and I felt strong and proud each time, but this little guy made me blush a little. Maybe it’s because it’s more like a ‘love song’ than my usual ‘run wild and naked and do crazy things’. Although, that’s EXACTLY what this song is about. Perhaps, this song hit that message more on the head, more literally than any other song I’ve ever written. I’m often eluding to freedom and wild life choices but in this song, I straight up say, “take your clothes off” “be naked with me” “jump the picket fence” “Be wilde!” I couldn’t be more direct. And here I am blushing because the song starts with an admission of love, admitting that I was shy to kiss somebody, saying out loud that I was shy. I’m more shy of being shy than I am of doing the things that make most people shy. This song is about a girl I wanted to kiss because she was so elegant and beautiful. I met her at a day party in the summer and she and I stood in the corner of the garden whispering about how both of us wanted to kiss girls but often felt awkward about how to do it. I was totally talking to her about this while having those feelings about her simultaneously. I don’t know if those feelings were mutual. So this song has felt extra vulnerable and embarrassing for me and because it’s exposing my weakness, I’ve always wondered if this song was weak. Now that I’m performing it and seeing how it’s hitting people (for whatever reason, whatever meaning they find in it), I’m realizing that my vulnerability is probably what is packing power into this song. There is an electronic version of this song that Davey has called a “masterpiece” hah! Yes! Fuck yes. I put the final touches on the electronic version before leaving Orcas Island and I rocked out to it most of the drive home to Bellevue. I’m so excited to share it with these retreat ladies and to have their fingerprints on the final version (because of the feedback they gave me to help me finish it).

LOVE,
CHA🍍WILDE

The Cha Wilde Show 2: Sparkles on My Face, All I Wanna Do is Be Naughty, Creating a Christmas Song

Santa’s Elves just dropped acid in the toy shop and now they’re raving at the North Pole. In this episode we're making an EDM Christmas song from scratch using sound samples of toys, elves, jingle bells, magical wind and all the sounds that remind us of the holidays. As a self-proclaimed Grinchy-poo and naughty-lover, I never thought I would make a Christmas song (cringe) but I surprised myself. By facing this challenge, I remembered how life must be performed with your own twist. I had zero interest in producing a traditional religious Christmas song. I felt blocked and uninspired until I really tapped into what I have fun doing in the holidays. What makes a grinch love Christmas? I threw the judgement out the window and had fun being naughty, spicy and playful about Christmas. I wrote a Christmas song about fucking around on Christmas and not following the rules. I imagined myself dancing around naked, wearing sparkles, flirting with people at holiday parties, and dropping "magical substances" in people's drinks to liven up the party. Long story short, I wrote a song about elves dropping acid in the toy shop at the North Pole and throwing a rave. ha! Enjoy :) The finished song "Sparkles on My Face" is at the end of this episode and you can also listen to it here on my website.

LYRICS

i could sing about the elves
all the toys they keep on shelves
all the things my mama taught me


i could sing about the twelves
all the joys of sheep themselves
all the kings and what they brought thee

i could sing about the bells
how snowflakes are like ourselves
all the pretty things you bought me

i could sing about the spells
all the cakes and spicy smells
how the cracker bonbon shot me

but all i wanna do is be naughty, naughty

i wanna put sparkles on my face
tell bing crosby to turn up the bass
trade my ugly sweater for a little red lace
drop the f-bomb when it my turn to say grace


i wanna paint my toes hot pink
leave all the dishes staked in the sink
dance around naked in a vintage mink
sprinkling magic into everybody's drink

if anybody catches me i'll wink

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FROM THE DESK OF CHA WILDE

I rebelled against the very notion of composing a Christmas song but let this be a lesson to us all that gems are hidden inside the rocks under which we find ourselves most squished. The dance beat that I crafted in this Christmas song has filled me with immeasurable joy and I've been headbanging in the car with no end. I’m actually looking forward to next Christmas so I can play this song for everyone again and again and so we can live up to the lyrics. This means that come Decemeber you and I shall slide into some red lingerie, pull a furry mink coat over our bare naked shoulders, smear glitter across our cheeks and dancing around our houses getting everyone as high (on drugs or life) as possible. Normally, I would just straight up cheer for drugs but truth be told, I'm coming down. This holiday season, I partied like usual and ended up in the valley of the shadow of death. Age and enough experience has got me feeling way to depressed after the parties these days and my enthusiasm for making music and building a powerful career that can carry that music around the globe is winning out. I'd rather protect my energy and health so I can make more sick beats. I've been going to yoga super regularly (my 31st birthday gift to myself was a daily yoga practice) and so I'm feeling amazingly connected to my body because of this and less willing to compromise these feel good for a high. The highs are getting way high and they're getting matched with way lows. So balancing out sounds less sexy but it feels sexier than ever. Trust me, I'm the most unfuckable unsexy uncool pathetic version of myself when I’m curled up like a moist rotting sea urchin on my bedroom floor, wrapped in a post shower towel of tears, wondering what the fuck I'm doing with my life…on the come down of sickness, depression, self doubt yuck. So yah, at least for now, I'll be leaving the highs to the cheeky North Pole elves in this Christmas song. And again I say how much fun I had creating a song which has allowed me to embrace my own version of Christmas. Instead of complaining about stuff, we always have the option to take ownership. Stop being a victim! If you usually whine about Christmas, finish this sentence…”Christmas would be amazing if everybody did ___.” My answer: Christmas would be way more amazing if everybody wore glitter and we danced around the house naked in giant furry coats dancing to my new Christmas song, “Sparkles on my Face”. Am I right?! Also, now I’m totally wondering if I should change the song’s name to “I Just Wanna Be Naughty” which might fit the vibe better.

What do you think?
Which song title do you prefer?

A) Sparkles on My Face

B) I Just Want to Be Naughty

CHA🍍WILDE

The Cha Wilde Show 1: Like a Bird I've Flown Away, Producing a Song Together in My Studio for the First Time

LYRICS

There was a time when I couldn’t believe you
There was a time when I couldn’t leave you
There was a time when I couldn’t see you
There was a time when I wanted to be you