Why does becoming more spiritual feel like I'm losing everything that made me cool and sexy in this world, everything that made me feel likeable and worthy of attention I craved? I say honestly i want to write and pray and breathe beneath an open sky and i fear my insignificance in society more than I fear my insignificance in the universe. I'm in the middle of nowhere blackness near some hot sunshine that keeps me alive why absolutely no idea why I'm here and all I'm worried about is impressing some other lost creatures, more lost than I it seems, into believing in my beauty and feeling touched by the magic I claim to be my own. Though i know better. It is not mine. None of this is mine. If only i could accept this and move on. I cling to promises i made myself like a railing on a steep slope and pray that I'll be enough with or without the fulfillment. Why does my heart lead me venturing out into the lonely spaces where no other human dare be found alone? It's the only place I want to be and yet I crave their company. Who else is out here looking for my company in this blackness and can we ever be together? Are we ever not? Damn this broken illusion and the time I've suffered in waste although it had been my path to this place. And I cling and cling some more. Let me go!!! Cry my attachments and I wonder what will come of me. This path to heaven is it's own kind of hell for a simple human.
My Devotion to Dance with the Stars
“The secret to life is to have a task, something you devote your entire life to, something you bring everything to, every minute of every day for the rest of your life. And the most important thing is, it must be something you cannot possibly do.”
— Henry Moore, Sculptor
What more than my breath could I possibly commit to for every minute of every day? Perhaps gratitude and a good vibration? Is it only us musicians who know what I’m talking about when I say ‘vibration’? Do you know what it feels like to hold an instrument as it shakes beneath your hands, because of your hands? The vibration travels through your bones like a tickle to the soul and pure bliss takes over. The flow state we long for, we crave, we live for, sucks us in and we soak in the ripples. I could spend hours searching the internet, reading books that sober me up and remind me I’m a sack of meat with electrical currents pulsing through my ever changing live-wired brain. I can hold my own before the abyss though I cannot hide my shaking knees and why would I?I am little and scared and bold as hell and when I hold an instrument in my hand, a tool of vibration, I step into a spotlight cast upon me by all the stars of the universe and they shout, ‘Play!’ from the farthest regions. All the goddess snap their fingers and the tiny particles shiver with delight. I awaken the consciousness, blowing life into the fabric of the sky. To dance together with the stars and breath back and forth with the ocean is all I can promise and devote my entire life to.
