I am Artist with a Full Time Job
“I feel less. Less of an artist. I don’t feel 100% an artist because I have a full time job from 8am-5pm Monday - Friday.”
Job or no job, you’re an artist. What makes you an artist has nothing to do with where you clock in each day to make money. Let me tell ya, even when you work as a full time artist, most of your day isn’t spend making art. I only make art for 4 hours a day if I’m lucky. The rest of my day is spent marketing, emailing, Zoom calling, looking through bookkeeping records, commuting and taking care of my personal health and social life. So the reality is that very few, if any, of us are literally doing Art full time. We may be doing the business of art, tasks related to our art, or other jobs to support our art.
I carried this worry on my shoulders, festering in my mind, for years. I was embarrassed to tell my musician friends that I also ran a photography business. I feared that would make me look like a failing musician, a musician who couldn’t support herself with her music and she had to result to other types of art that she was better at. I thought they wouldn’t take me seriously as a musician if they knew everything else I did in life to pay bills and stay sane. I looked up to full time musicians like heroes who were ‘actually’ doing it. I felt like I was failing for not being focused 100%, willing to do anything for the music, including starve in basement and perform at weddings. I beat myself up for the way I was handling things. I told myself I didn’t have what it takes. I looked in the mirror and said mean things like “If you were really a musician, if this is really your destiny, then you would be out there performing every day. You would be going door to door to perform for the neighbors. You would be playing your instrument 8 hours a day at least!” I heard John Mayer played guitar until his fingers were bleeding. My fingers were sore but not bleeding yet…so I’m not good enough…yet.
I’ve got some new wrinkled under my eyes that I notice each morning these days. I’m pretty sure they showed up because of this stress. For years, I push and push from the inside, trying to squeeze myself into a form of what I perceived a serious, professional, respected musician ‘should’ be. Fuck it! It aged me. This stress took away life energy from me. Obviously, that is not living in flow, not living in alignment. During COVID quarantine, I’ve realized that my health, my vital life energy must come first. I must be committed to my mental well being, my emotional stability, sense of self, deep healing, active engagement in friendships and community building, creative expression in many outlets (not just music) and stability in my finances. I gave myself permission to workout and do yoga before I made music. I gave myself permission to spend the little money I had on therapy sessions so I could be at ease, knowing I’m taking care of myself and feel fresh hope. I gave myself permission to reach out to new friends and invite them into my book club even though I was a little nervous they wouldn’t want to do it with me. I gave myself permission to show up bigger with my camera and own my profession, my expertise, my passion, my reliable income as a photographer.
Yes, I make most of my money from photography and I’ve really kept that hidden from the Cha Wilde fanbase for years. I wanted my fans to look at me with respect and admire me for being a full time musician and painter. I was ashamed of doing other work (even though my other work is also art based). I know what the shame feels like. I know what it feels like to wish you had more time to spend on your art. I know what it’s like to being trying to get through the workday, feeling pain inside because the true passion is calling your name, waiting for you to come home. I know what it’s like to daydream about how to make the dream happen, what must I do? I know what it’s like to stand in a circle of artists and feel lesser. I’ve stood backstage with musicians and felt shy about being far less experienced or skilled than the other rockstars in the room. Guess what? I shared my shyness with one of my rockstar friends and she whispered back to me that she was feeling the same way. WTF? We all feel this silliness.
I validate your feelings dear one. I know how you feel. You feel less because you’ve got that full time job. Let’s reframe it. Let’s think about this differently. You’re not less, you’re actually more. You’re doing more than just art. You’re more dynamic than just your art. You are taking care of yourself in the best way you know how so far. Are you excited to change something? Would you like to make more room for your art? This is possible! Would you like to find a way to rearrange your schedule, improve your focus or routine structure so art has more space to breath in your life? You my love are not less. You are so much more. Let’s get really excited about the fun ways you can cultivate more art into your life so you feel fulfilled each day. Your job is not making you less of an artist. Your job is making it possible for you to do art. Your job is giving you an opportunity to learn something new. What will you learn as you begin to explore the possibilities of how great masterpieces of artwork can pour from the humans with full time jobs. I suggest you read “The Great Work of Your Life: A Guide for the Journey to Your True Calling” by Stephen Cope. You’ll learn about some legendary artistic geniuses throughout history who also had a full time day job.
LOVE,
Cha
The Artist’s Way Book Club
I lead a book club of artists, beautiful creative humans from all around the Earth. We are reading The Artist’s Way together, exploring what it means to us to be artists, how we can live more creatively, what is holding us back from fully expressing ourselves as the great creators we dream of being. You are very welcome to join us. We’re all reading at our own pace and we meet for live calls, we have small group chat threads, and I publish commentaries on my podcast for when you’re in the mood to listen and go deeper into these juicy topics. If you’d like more creativity in your life and more structure, discipline, routine, community, accountability and connection around your art, join us. Click here to learn more about The Artist’s Way Book Club with Cha Wilde. Fill out this form and I’ll send you an email to get you started! :)