The Ocean Made Me "Slow Down"


The world beneath the water’s surface sucked me in. I’d been wandering on land for too long; problems had started sticking to me like barnacles. I’d rushed through the years of my youth, smiling and bouncing. Then all at once, over the course of a couple years, I crashed, exhausted, into the hot sand and let the sun bake me back into the earth. The Island of the Gods welcomed me home. The incense burning on the temple’s steps blew into my nostrils and spirit came back to life.

The people of the water swam up to pull me under. I wasn’t afraid of them. My greatest fear used to be drowning in the ocean or floating away alone into the vastness of space. It was the loss of air that terrified me. The feeling that I was alone without any way of sustaining the life within me. Just one more breath would never be enough. But the ocean showed me how to relax in the face of death. Just let it hug you. The swimming folk taught me to slow down, slow down, slow down. To survive, you must slow down.

Slow down your thinking, your breathing, your heart rate, every little movements. To survive, you must be slower than you’ve ever been before. This will bring you into the endless depths of the present moment where birth and death belong, one in the same. From that point, the whole world opens up around you, for you. It sparkles. Magic returns to the universe and suddenly floating away into the deep blue is the most enticing proposition. Land has lost her hold on me. I flew free from gravity’s pull. I have slowed down so now every breath I take is a joyride, a thrill. Every breath I take is the moment I live for.

“Slow Down" 🎧 LISTEN on all streaming platforms:
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The cover art is a compilation of two images; a photograph of me freediving in Komodo National Park, Indonesia and a painting I created in Bali titled “Wonder” — part of my “Words in the Waves” series.


“Slow Down" 🎧 LISTEN on all streaming platforms:
Spotify • Apple Music • YouTube Music • Soundcloud

Opinions and Dragon Fire

“Everyone is asking me to create an album. This will be my first project and I know it’s desired because it has been specially requested. Music that is magical, that touches people deeply and really helps them feel alive in joy and peace, celebration and rest.

I’m either celebrating or resting, living with tenacity or gratitude. I’ve been meek around My Great Love, not living in my dragon fire energy, tiptoeing on emotions, soft voice. It’s luke warm and it’s gross.

I’m not giving myself enough credit. I have my shit together. I know how much work it takes to develop myself to this point. I believe in what I’m doing. I have opinions, one of which is to not cling tightly to one’s own opinions. I give more weight/credit to other people’s opinions out of respect and a desire to be respected as open-minded but in doing so I disrespect myself and my extremely valid opinions.

I have earned my opinions. I stand behind them powerfully. Call me whatever you want. I don’t care. I know who I am and what I believe and what I want. I do not need approval, permission or explanation.

When I look at photos of Music Love on Facebook, I feel love and attraction to him. I’m amazed that a talented handsome man is so incredible at communication and validation and vulnerability. He’s an incredible human and ‘package’. He’s totally exposed, transparent, visible. My Great Love is willing to share but he’s more mysterious.”

— from my journal | July 15, 2016

LOVE & BEAUTY
cha wilde

Singing Sad Songs in the Closet

Davey has started going back to the office. I’ve gotten used to him working from home since we’ve been in COVID quarantine. Now, suddenly alone at home in the middle of the day I am remembering these sweet hours of solitude. The music is starting to flow again, like a shy winter stream coming back to life in spring. The first dribbles of water are trickling through my soul and out my fingers.

This new song came from a moment of tears. I felt so panicky. My nervous system was shaking with anxious attachment style being triggered and some sexual complex trauma. I had been blended with my anxious lonely sad parts for days now. Thankfully when I pick up a guitar and start singing into a microphone with lots of reverb in the headphones I magically fall back into myself. Ahhh…there I am. This is who I am and what I’m meant to be doing. So much better. It wakes up inside me.

I write the super sad pathetic song first. I just say it like it is and pray nobody is nearby to hear me through the walls. It’s so raw and kinda ugly in a twisted overly emotional way. I surprise myself in these times when I’m like “woah I can’t believe I sound sad depressing!” But the singing of it drains the depressingness from my body and I feel lighter. The words start to cheer up, a sweet melody marches in behind the dry monotone sentences I’d been previously mentioning.

Singing the sad songs feels shitty, kinda like scrubbing a dirty pan. But…but…the glorious but…. Keep scrubbing and soon the sponge starts sliding smoothly across the surface. The music starts flowing through the body and the rusty gritty gunk in the emotional system is cleared. The music is like drain-o. It’s cleansing the system. Just like breathwork. Just like movement. It’s just stuck energy that needs to flow the fuck out! So sing the sad songs. I’m embarrassed to hear myself making those sounds but considering how much better I feel afterwards, I do it.

Same goes for the primal scream, yah? We are animals that need to make noise sometimes, ugly noises. Looking and sounding pretty all the time is what’s killing us slowly. Life blooms from the compost pile.

Love,
CHA WILDE

IFS Parts Therapy to Help with Pre-Show Nerves

“It’s my first time performing in a big show as a DJ. A part of me is nervous to perform for the first time. Another part of me is excited to be making progress as a DJ. Another part of me is proud that I’m being acknowledged and seen publicly. A protective part of me is shutting me down and making me take a nap so I don’t have to feel so overwhelmed by all the other parts that are freaking out about this upcoming performance.”

I ripped the paper out of my journal and handed it to L. It was covered in little bubbles with emotions written inside and lines connecting them. We’d quickly sketched out a parts map. It only took 15 minutes together, sitting on the porch and she was already feeling relief.

“I have a therapist and I like her but I wish she would give me more action items and useful things like this.”

I couldn’t hide my smile. I’ve just finished my first training course in Internal Family System (IFS) and I can’t help but share it with everyone, especially women, especially artists. All the artists I know (including myself) are full of conflicting parts. We are a full spectrum of emotions and somehow we’re supposed to function in society. Most of the time I feel like I’m about to explode with anxiety, pressure to ‘figure it out’, or crumble under the demands of practice and scary bold risky challenges to level up.

By mapping it out and digging deeper, we see all the moving parts. Instead of feeling lost in the swirl of it all, we’re pinning it down outside of our mind. We’re creating a little bit of distance and with that comes space and clarity. We get curious about why each part feels the way it does and what it needs from us to relax and feel playful again.

With IFS in my back pocket, I’m walking around with a pocket full of sunshine, a toolbox of questions that magically open space within us and I feel so able to help creative humans find themSelves and make progress. The parts are taking over and we feel stuck and shut down, totally blocked and terrified to perform. The IFS is so freaking effective! Within 15min I watched my beautiful friend soften around the edges and hope returned to her spirit and confidence smiled on her face again.

I’m so excited to bring this model to more of my friends and fellow artists, to witness the creativity that will undoubtable be unleashed from these simple conversations. I am eternally grateful to my friend Jake who introduced me to Lindsay Rein and I’m eternally grateful to Lindsay for being my first IFS healer and friend who welcomed all my parts.