What's the Best Thing that Could Happen

What's the best that could happen? 

I could brighten someone's day. I could be scouted by a talent agent. I could be given lots of money. I could get over my fear and have a lot of fun. 

I'm sitting in the bathtub right now trying to figure how I'm going to work up the courage to go busking at Pike Place Market. What do I need to think or do differently to drive to the city, carry my guitar to a street corner, take it out of the case and start playing. I feel so awkward. I feel like I don't know what I'm doing. I don't feel ready. I barely have three songs memorized on my guitar. I can hardly coordinate my singing with my guitar playing. Oh God this could be so embarrassing. People could just walk by and judge me hard. I could be that person who totally sucks and everyone knows it. I could be that person that looks like they're trying too hard.  

Why does my brain even bother thinking these negative thoughts? Why does my brain not first think of all the positives? Why don't I immediately think, "I get to play guitar and sing outside on a beautiful day, in a beautiful city and bring music into people's lives, surprise them with something pretty that makes them smile. I am that cute girl who is brave enough to perform, even though she's not amazing. I am the girl that other people wish they were. I am an inspiration because I'm letting myself do what I love and I'm just having fun and not taking life too seriously. We're all just people on this ride together. Instead of trying to impress each other, we can just have fun together." Maybe if I repeat this to myself enough times I'll believe it and live it out. 

Is that the secret, just feel the fear and do it anyway? Just do it? I think so. Just do it. Phew. Okay, then when..... Tonight? Tomorrow?  // Chamonix 

Take Advice From the People Who are Living the Life You Want to Live

"Take Advice From the People Who are Living the Life You Want to Live" 
Possibly the best advice I ever received. Their advice is what got them to where they are today.

I've been taking all my life advice from entrepreneurs and life coaches who focus in and specialize on one thing. Their advice is to hunker down and have one focus. I've been trying it and it's been KILLING me. I have so many passions, curiosity, skills and dreams. Focusing on just one feels like choosing between my children. 

This morning, I opened my eyes with an answer! Thomas Jefferson (one of my heroes) and many such men have a never-ending list of accomplishments on Wikipedia. One man gets to go down in history as politician, surveyor, mathematician, horticulturist, mechanic, architect, philosopher, linguist, and writer. He was full of interests (just like me!) and he found a way to incorporate them all into his life (so can I!) and I intend to find out how. How did the great multi-passionate multi-disciplinarian people throughout history fit it all into each day and stay sane, energized and inspired?

Let's begin by reading a Thomas Jefferson biography. Off to Audible audiobooks!
// Chamonix

Busking Permit for Pike Place Market

Don't be drunk and wait your turn in line. That's about it. It seems they'll let any Mongral crawl onto the curbside and perform as a street entertainer at Pike Place Market in downtown Seattle. After months of waiting for the right moment, today was the day I walked into the public market office and applied for my street performer permit. I sign my name on a dotted line and promised I wouldn't perform drunk and they handed me my very own laminate badge. That was it - no audition or proof that I actually know what I'm doing. For all they know I could totally suck balls and scare all the market visitors away from the shops. I could single handed lay destroy the economics of one of the worlds most famous markets. I could stretch like a cat for hours on end and seriously fuck with the residents who live in the apartments above the market. So yah, it's kinda nice to just be trusted and given and opportunity because I asked for it and nobody wants to check my resume. What a refreshing change in this current society in which I'm constantly proving that I'm not a robot. I'm nervous to go busking for my first time later this week but fear is my friend. Fear guides me in the right direction, showing me what I care about most. My biggest fears are married to my deepest desires. If I close my eyes and imagine that I chicken out, what will I think looking back in a year? Will I feel regret? Will I feel peaceful knowing I made the right decision? 99% of the time, if I don't do something because I felt fear, I will regret it. People who never face fears or leave their comfort zone think feeling fear is a reason to not take action. But it's the opposite!! If you feel fear, that should be a giant waving flag that taking action is exactly the right way to go! // Chamonix

Beneath the Golden Globes Sparkles is a Bunch of Sweat

I was eating french fries and Sarah Jessica Parker was looking fabulous on the red carpet. The Golden Globes was on the TV at the bar while my friends and I were discussing the psychology behind goal setting / accomplishing. I kept staring up at the famous artists on the TV. Those glamorous people look like celestial beings; radiating talent and success and luckiness. I stared at Nicole Kidman and remembered that all of them are just people who had a goal and they put in the time, sweat and tears. They knew what they wanted and they went for it. They did the work. The rest of the world celebrates them for the products of their hardwork but when they're on the red carpet we're so distracted by their sparkly gowns and bowties that we forget the exhausting trials they've gone through. Their lives are not glamorous swimming pools, helicopter rides and Netflix and chill. Their lives are disciplined practice, grueling workouts, early mornings. They are experts at pushing themselves through fear, discomfort, laziness and self doubt. They turned off the TV and went to their pianos. They turned down the invite to that party so they could stay home and write. They chose the salad when everyone else was shoveling burgers and cheesecakes into their mouths. They made the sacrifices and now they get to wear the sparkly dresses and celebrate tonight...but they'll be back to work in the morning (and some of them will even hit the treadmill (literal or figure) when they get home tonight. I want to be one of these people. It's not the sparkles and cameras in my face that I crave; it's the ability to zip up the sparkly dress and look in their mirror and say to myself "I'm so proud of you. You did it. Now, go celebrate!" // Chamonix 

What Do You Finish

I'm not as interested in what you want to start as I am in what you want to finish. Liz Gordon's book 'Big Magic' touches on how we humans suck balls at finishing. We're up to our ears in projects, old and new, and yet our resumes are short. How long is your list of actual accomplishments...projects that got published? You'll find me in the front row of 'Project Starters Annonymous'; in the past 6 months I've started blogs, books, albums, bands, companies, podcasts and jobs. It felt normal and exhilarating until I burned out before the holidays and realized I had very little to show for all the energy I had exherted. Starting a projects is exciting, full of possibilities and fresh. Doing a project is hardwork and sometimes fun. Finishing a project is full of joy, satisfaction and pride. The beginning is the most fun. The end is the most rewarding. The middle is the toughest part to push and survive through. The middle is where most of us give up and go start another project. So no, I'm not impressed by your project ideas because ideas are plentiful, we are all full of them. I'm impressed by your push through the middle and your cross over the finish line. I'm fed up of starting races. I'm ready to focus....and I know the middle is gonna suck, but the finish line is gonna be sweet.

What Does It Mean to Love Other People?

"NONE OF THE ABOVE MATTERS. All that matters is loving people. Spend 2017 loving people as much as you possibly can, so they feel loved and they believe in themselves and they see how beautiful they are and they see the beauty in others and then suddenly the whole world will become more beautiful for all of us. That's it. Just love people."

I frantically two-finger-typed the above paragraph into my "2017 Goals" phone memos on New Year Eve. Forget all the other music/photography/business goals that I'd been composing for days. The wisdom of the universe just landed in my lap...right outside the ladies' bathroom at Resolution 2017. My meaning of life is happiness and all goals are just stepping stones to get to happyland, and happyland is just a place where you're loving yourself, loving other people, and loving the world around you. Every goal we set and action we take is an attempt to get us to this happy place. We just get very distracted along the way and start to think the goals themselves are important. I am embarrassed to see how selfish & egocentric I've been; spending half of 2016 naval gazing, desperately trying to identify 'my calling' and what I WANT, me me me. To my credit, I was cracking out of my people-pleaser shell so it's only natural that I swing to both extremes.

But now, it's 2017 and I'm wondering...how do I love?

How do I love myself?
Through...healthy lifestyle choices? Following my passions? Challenging myself and making myself proud? Listening to my intuition? Only focusing on the positive? Delighting in simple things? Being patient and understanding with my development? Encouraging my interests? Saying no?

How do I love other people? 
Through... music? conversation? gift? writing a blog? Running a business? Teaching workshops? Teaching Yoga? Do I need to volunteer at the homeless shelter? Just focus on my artwork and have faith it will help someone? Hug everybody? What does it mean to love

I feel pretty confident about about to love myself but loving other people confuses me. 
Can I use my self-love as an example/template for loving others? 
// Chamonix

The Battle of the Hawk & the Magpie: Focusing on Goals

Opportunities or distractions? I told myself I would focus this year. I would narrow my attention to only focus on practicing piano and growing my family portrait business. We're five days into the new year and I already feel bombarded with new possibilities. The climbing gym I want to start going to but can't afford is looking for a yoga teacher and part of the compensation is free membership. Women are contacting me online thanking me for my YouTube videos and the photography knowledge that I share and asking for workshops, internships and coaching. I also have ideas for books, retreats, and music projects. I feel so excited about all the cool things I could do and so cautious to dive into anything because I want to succeed and not get spread thin and accomplish nothing. It's so painful to say no to awesome opportunities, especially when they seem so ripe for the picking. I don't want to get distracted and fail to accomplish my goals but I also don't want to turn a blind eye to opportunities and miss out. This feels like the battle of the hawk and the magpie. One pie locks its focus from afar and dive bombs to take it's prey. The other flits around collecting pretty shiny objects, none of which it can eat. Which bird am I? Which do I want to be? Can I be both? Maybe there's a third bird I don't know about. // Chamonix

Random Coincidence or Omen? How Can You Tell?

You gotta be kidding me. Is this what they call an 'omen'? This week I started reading "The Alchemist" by Paulo Coelho and I highlighted this quote: “In order to find the treasure, you will have to follow the omens. God has prepared a path for everyone to follow. You just have to read the omens that he left for you.” How do you recognize an omen? Is it obvious or do you have to read between the lines? Well, I think a big fat omen just slapped me in the face. 

I dream of sharing my music with the world, singing & playing guitar, composing film scores on the piano, hearing my music on the radio, leading music therapy retreats. I have recently set myself a challenge to complete 10,000 hours of deliberate piano practice, to start working with a singer teacher, and to do 28 performances in 2017. 

This is a lot for one person to take on and yet I want to do even more. I want to write books, host podcasts, teach photography, grow businesses, and lead yoga retreats. I'm cursed with an obsession to always bite off more than I can chew. I've been cautious to start any new projects recently because I don't want to burn out again but I'm also getting antsy - it's time for me to start taking action. Enough stagnation. I know what I want to do and I keep getting distracted and excited about other sparkly opportunities. I'm spoiled for choice and I'm second guessing myself. I was driving myself crazy this afternoon with all these thoughts so I decided to "give myself a break" and just spend the rest of today editing photos (a somewhat stress-free mindless task for me). I like listening to podcasts when I edit and today I felt a strange desire to listen to Freakonomics (which I NEVER listen to). I listened to the most recently published episode and whatdya know, it was all about the 10,000 hour rule and it specifically talked about people who were practice piano and going after their dream of singing. A perfect match for my current journey. Random coincidence or omen? 

On an afternoon when I was throwing my arms in the air with frustration about whether or not I was on the right course to focus on music, a randomly chosen podcast episode ticked all my boxes and finished with these words of encouragement, “If you have something that you dream about, then do it, don’t hesitate.” I'm going to take it as an omen, because if that ain't an omen, I don't know what it. // Cha

BOOK: The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho 
10,000 RULE: Introduced by Dr. K. Anders Ericsson + Popularized by Malcom Gladwell in 'Outliers'
PODCAST: How to Become Great at Just About Anything | Freakonomics Radio

Blocks & Blockages

"If it doesn't feel right, something isn't right."
I have been trying to teach photography workshops for years. I never make progress. I hit giant emotional roadblocks of doubt, discouragement, confusion and lack of passion. I think branching into photography education is a good idea for my business but I feel like I'm leaning up against a big brick wall. I'm starting to wonder if it's not happening because it's not the right path. 

There is a difference between a block and a blockage. With a blockage, once you find a solution it clears away and you move forward. With a block, even when you find a solution you still don't feel quite right about clearing it and moving forward. A blockage in your sink, solved by liquid Drain-o and hooray we're back in business. You're walking down an alleyway, you hit a deadend and face a brick wall, someone hands you a sledgehammer or a stick of dynamite and suddenly you can blast your way through the wall, but you don't really want to; you'd rather just leave the allyway and go elsewhere. 

I'm an Artist and I Need Privacy!

They can hear me? I'm all tense, holding back from singing louder, wishing they would all leave so I could hit record on my phone and make little music videos. I don't want them listening. 

I've been living with roommates for 6 months now and I am desperate for privacy. I want time each day when I'm home alone and I can sing at the top of my lungs, record videos of myself playing guitar, record photography tutorials, or record podcast episodes where I talk about sappy emotions and recite poetry while sitting on the kitchen counter and strumming guitar. I want time when I can make noise with abandon, make mistakes loudly and try dangerous new things without worrying about people observing me. I'm an artist and I need privacy when I create! 

I've been beating myself up about this for months; telling myself I shouldn't care, I shouldn't be afraid of people overhearing, I should just do what I want to do. I should become more confident; stop giving any fucks; operate under the assumption that if they find it annoying they can bang on my door and tell me to shut up. If they think my work is stupid, I should find new friends instead of surrounding myself with people who don't support more.

All these thoughts buzz around my mind as I've been constantly pushing myself beyond my comfort zone to sing louder and create music when people are around but I'm sick of it. I'm tired of constantly pushing. I can't work like this! ah! This is my new philosophy: I'm going to stop forcing myself into uncomfortable situations and start listening to myself. For whatever reason, right now in my life, I want to create in private. One day, maybe I'll be ready to create in public but that's not today. I haven't been lazy. I'm not using it as an excuse. I've genuinely tried to grow by leaving my comfort zone but I'm not seeing the progress I desire. Perhaps, just like lifting weights, I need a "rest day". I need to ease of the constant push to face my fears and let myself enjoy creating music in comfort and pleasure for a little while. When the time feels right, I can always step back up to the plate and push forward with my fears. 

So, I need privacy and I'm going to give it to myself...but how? // Cha

Just Do It Or Die Scaredy Pants

My knees wouldn't stop shaking. I was blinded by the stage lights; my first performance was happening at the Columbia City Theatre. I was scared. I had this idea that in the pursuit of my dreams, I would have to wait until I wasn't afraid anymore. That's not how it works. As much as you want to wait for fear to leave, so you can go do that thing you're afraid of, it won't. If you really want to do 'that thing', you gotta get up there and do it despite the fact you're scared. That confident girl singing up on stage hasn't miraculously overcome fear - she's just as afraid as you are. The difference between her and you (between you and who you want to be) is that she's taking courageous action and just doing it. #justdoit truly is the greatest pearl of wisdom our generation has produced. If you want to do something, the only way it's going to happen is if you take action, with or without fear. If you wait for fear to leave first, you will die before you live your dream. So it's literally do or die.

I have set a goal for myself to do 28 singer-songwriter performances with my guitar this year. I'm scared and I don't feel prepared, I don't think I'm good enough, I'm a little nervous of how I'll appear to others but I'm mainly nervous about not being as perfect as I want to be. Nervous that I'll just be mediocre; nervous to sing my songs and have nobody take notice or care. Nervous that when I put my heart out there no one will be impressed or inspired. I'm nervous to hit the wrong note but I'm terrified to find out that I'm not as special as I want to be. Nervous that I'll always care about what people think and be enslaved to this desire to please and impress. I've been waiting for this fear to leave but I'm starting to think it never will. I have to go up on the stage anyway. I have to go up because I love the music and the challenge more than I fear the fear. I have to just do it and find out what happens. Gulp. // Cha

Choosing Songs for My First Album

It's on replay; that song stuck in your head. Why do you love it? Did the artist know it would be so catchy when they wrote it? I wrote 33 songs in 2016 and now I'm trying to pick out the best ones - 12 would be ideal; one for each month of 2017. This will be my first album. Step one is getting a decent acoustic video & audio recording of each song. I'll mark my favorites. Then I'll survey friends and followers to see which ones are most popular. From there I will reassess the finalists for the album tracks. I've been stuck at this stage for a month. I'm intimated by the quality of songs to sort through, shy to share with people, worried it's asking too much of people to listen to all my songs, worried that I don't have 12 songs that are good enough to be produced, anxious that I'll be bored of working on the same old songs instead of writing new better songs, intimidated by the entire music industry and feeling clueless about how everything works. Best of all though, I'm super curious to find out how my simple acoustic songs with boring guitar chords will sound when they come to life with imrovements and more instruments. I can't wait to watch them blossom from melodies in my head to full blown songs. I'm so excited for that moment when I hear my first song play as a complete piece of music. I think it will be magical, like watching something born from nothing, like a new being brought to life. I can't wait. Step one though, record them videos for the voting process. // Cha