I feel sick with fear. I'm trying to edit videos to make money and pay off debt with credit cards and pay back my husband - he gave me money (and went into CC debt on my behalf) to help my buy a new computer so I could edit videos faster. I'm uncomfortably grateful and semi-regretting borrowing money from him right now because it's putting a strain on our relationship and I don't feel like an equal and I feel like a burden on him and yet....if I could help him, I would do the same thing he's done for me. I would want to help him. It's my victim mentality that is stopping me from feeling joyful gratitude and enthusiasm to pay him back two fold! I've been waking up in worry, struggling to focus, a pain in my chest, a tightness in my stomach, a flickery panic in my brain and even a sickness around my uterus area and hips and legs and basically the entire fucking body is being consumed by stress hormones. And what's worse is that Davey feels it too. He can sense the stress in my body and it's affecting his own happiness. I look at photos taken just 2 or 3 months ago and we were having fun and smiling and getting married and full of love, so thrilled to be close to each other. Now, I feel the tension. I miss our closeness and our play. I feel a need for space, to withdraw from him so I can't hurt him or weigh him down. A need to fix my problems, make the money and pay him back as quickly as possible so we can return to happiness and easy. I question what the fuck I'm doing going after a dream and angry at myself for not going after it harder. Am I pushing as hard as I can? Is that the problem in the first place? Stop fucking pushing and just go with the flow. Am I forcing myself to do something I don't actually want to do, just because I'm curious. Is my obsession with building a music career destroying my happiness and my relationship with the coolest guy I've ever met? What the fuck!! Dreaming was so fun and felt so exciting and delicious. Now I'm in the thick of it - I've all but quit my job, my bank accounts are red in the negative (literally...there is NO money), I'm burned out at work, terrified in so many ways to try new things, desperate to try new things, insecure and needing comfort and support and help and all the while trying so hard to puff up my chest and stand tall and smile. What the fuck. Every day I'm growing more in love with music and more disillusioned with my dream of music. The dream is imaginary. I'll never experience it. It's me watching myself on stage, from the crowd's perspective. The only thing I'll ever experience is inside my own body, standing on that stage. Is that something I want? Or do I just want to dance and party in the masses? What the fuck!!! Thank god I'm starting life coaching next week. I need some serious hand holding right now or a hard slap across the face. I want someone to tell me what to do but of course, the only person I'll listen to is myself and I'm sending mixed signals half the time. Fuck fuck fuck. What the fuck? Does anybody out there understand? Anybody been through this? Any advice? Jesus, shoot me in the face so I can be reborn! lol ... and yet, even as I write this, I start to feel silly and playful...because I'm still in here. It's the financial stress. I swear that's the only thing. Fix the money and happiness will flow back because I won't be constantly fighting in survival mode anymore. Instead of stress hormones, I'll feel the happy hormones again. Oh please....happen soon. Oh and then there's the massive fear that as I go through all of this shit I'm becoming so hard, insecure, weak, needy, distant or whatever that Davey doesn't want to even be with me anymore. When I first came out of the closet and told him I wanted to be a professional musician, I drove my point home by callously saying "I will leave you for music...if I have to." What the fuck?! Who says that? Now I'm afraid it's some fucked up self fulfilling prophecy or that was a hurtful blow that set a bad tone on our relationship - me, him and music and all three of us. Grrr.... I just want everything to be better and I'm sick of slogging through the shit swamps. // Cha
How My Self Esteem Dropped When Quitting My Job to Follow My Music Dreams
I've noticed a massive hit to my self esteem / self worth / confidence as I've been going through this period of transition in life. I was very self assured my entire life always knowing what I wanted and going full force to build my businesses. I used to feel better than everyone else and have so many things to brag about -- I had businesses I started when I was only 22, I owned multiple businesses, i had employees, i was one of the favorite teachers at my yoga studio, I had a podcast, I was writing a book etc... I could list of this LONG list of accomplishments and things I'm doing. I took pride in my busy-ness and how people would look at me and be impressed at 'how do you do all this stuff?!!?"
In the past year, I've let go of businesses and projects, took a painful paycut in doing so, so now I'm functioning on low income with very few things on my to-do list and all my energy goes towards music music music. Last night I stepped back and gave myself praise for how much I've accomplished so far with music and I realized I haven't given myself any credit for it. In my eyes it's a silly dream and I gave up a respectable career for it and now I view myself and weaker, a financial burden to my husband (we split expenses normally and he has had to pay for me a lot lately which I'm not comfortable with because I feel less confident than before about my ability to make money), a flaky starving artist dreamer instead of a powerful business woman and I fear other people will view me this way too.
I also have so much of my self worth wrapped up in how my husband views & treats me. I pendulum from feeling very vulnerable and clingy to him (which makes him feel stifled) and feeling very cold and independent like a boss that doesn't have time for him (which makes him feel neglected). I'm struggling to find balance in doing my own thing and share life with him too. I want to feel excited to work and excited to play - not just one or the other. I want to feel proud of myself again so I can introduce myself at a party with confidence and joy instead of self doubt. I haven't been owning my work with pride, I've been doing it because I feel like I have to - even music, I feel like it's a soul calling I often I have to do it, like an obsession and it can take me away from the people in my life. I worry that I can't have the social life and the music accomplishments together - I fear the sacrifice is too great in either direction...not following dreams is painful and following dreams is also painful.
Why I'm Afraid to Share Profound Ideas as an Artist
"Music can bend time." -- John Mayer, Instagram LIVE broadcast on 10/27/2017 from Rio
JOHN MAYER GOES LIVE ON INSTAGRAM
I'm curled up in my papasan chair, decompressing from a photo shoot, posting a video on Instagram of myself performing in front of mural #2 (Yesler/14th) and the notification "John Mayer just went LIVE" pops up. So I click and instantly I'm in Brazil, watching my favorite musician walk out onto the street to greet his fans and take selfies. One fan says, "I've been a fan of yours for 1 year and I feel like I missed out on all the music you created in your 20s and early 30s. I long to be a fan during that time in your life." John replies with, "You have the music. That is my 20's and 30's, the best parts of it, everything else just slipped away. I long for the past all the time and I travel back through the music. Music can bend time." (paraphrased).
AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO HEARS HIM?
My fingers typed furiously on my phone to quote him and leave the quote in the rapidly flowing list of comments. I saw my comment zoom up alongside all the "I love you John" and "John, you're amazing!" comments. There were 6000 people watching his LIVE feed and did nobody else feel inspired by his words enough to quote him, to engage with him on an artist's level? All they want to do is throw praise at him. Praise isn't what we artists long for. Maybe at first we do but after awhile we know we're good. The compliments are pretty but not nourishing. What we long for is conversation, engagement, for people to speak our language and exchanges beautiful ideas back and forth so we can feel seen, feel like we're sharing life experiences with other people (and we're not just freaky artists that nobody else understands). Stop kissing ass and start meeting each other to inspire and co-create. If I say something profound and beautiful, don't tell me I'm amazing. Instead, tell me what you think about what I just said...what's your perspective? Expand, extrapolate, build upon my idea! Keep the conversation growing so we all leave with fresh inspiration, discovering something new!
AFRAID OF PEOPLE JUDGING ME FOR BEING PROFOUND
John Mayer has been my favorite musician since I was 12 and I appreciate his music, his attitude and mostly his worldview as an artist...the fact he thinks things like this and says them with confidence. These are the kinds of thoughts I have had my entire life (maybe because I was so influenced by people like John Mayer) but for so long I hid these idea and didn't want anyone to know that I thought this way. I was afraid of being teased, being ostracized for thinking difference or appearing weird to people who don't think like me. I've gotten bolder by forcing myself to say thoughts right away when they pop into my head, by taking all the Post-It notes that have my secret ideas scribbled on them and taping them to the walls of my music room so people who walk in can read them freely (this was really uncomfortable at first), and copying and pasting quotes from my journal into my Instagram captions for all to see. When people like John Mayer stand tall and share their ideas they never sound dumb to me...they sound profound. I've hidden my profound thoughts because I was afraid someone would judge me and say, "Jeez...stop trying to be profound."
OWNING MY SHIT
It's taken my 29 years but better late than never to start owning my shit and accepting the fact that yes, I am an artist and I do have many profound things to share. I mean, I jolly well better have profound things to say because all I fucking do is think and overthink and write and analysis and observe and think some more about the meaning of life and how to live. If after 29 years of contemplation, obsessive writing and learning big fancy words (yes, I carried a dictionary around as a child and memorized new words on the playground instead of playing games with the other kids) I didn't have anything wise or profound to say I would be horrified! lol
MUSIC CAN BEND TIME
Thank you John Mayer for once again leading the way as an artist, giving the rest of us permission to speak out minds and express our hearts. And yes I agree..music can bend time! It can stir up the feelings that have long ago settled at the bottom of our souls, it can carry us into the future on invisible visionary wings, and it can snap us back to the present to feel alive with all our senses. // Cha
and for everyone's viewing pleasure...some photos from the Halloween rave in Seattle (aka FREAKNIGHT) which happened hours after my John Mayer LIVE experience -- Davey was Lucifer and I was a sinful apple...bite me ;P x
How to Stand Up for Your Creative Vision when Everyone Is Telling You What You Should Do
I want someone to tell me I don't have to perform. To say, "Forcing yourself to perform is a waste of your time. Go do what makes you happy. Go with the flow. What comes easily. What feel fun. Where is there less stress. Don't try so hard. Try easy! You love writing. You love recording. You love making films. Put your energy there. Focus on building your skills and your collection of work. Maybe later you'll perform. When the time feels right, you'll perform. It will come naturally. You are not a lazy person. You do what you want, so if you aren't doing something, it's because you don't want to...or at least you don't want to bad enough. You know how to push yourself. You know how to face your fears. You can do whatever you want. Stop putting such stressful pressure on yourself because it's stifling your joy and your creativity. You live in constant fear of having to do things you don't want to do. It's wearing you down and you need to ease off. Stop listening to other people's advice. They are not you. They are not walking your path. If you do take advice, take it from people who are where you want to go, who live how you want to live, who are how you want to be. Ignore everything else. Everything else is advice for someone else. Stand your ground and sit up tall, confident in what you know you love and want. Fuck everything else." That's what I want to hear. But instead, this is what I hear, "You're such a good singer. You should perform." -- "OMG, your voice is amazing. You should make an album!" -- "Wow. You're so talented. When are you going to perform?" -- "I love your voice! You should do open mics!" SHOULD SHOULD SHOULD. Everyone is telling me what I SHOULD do and yet not once does anybody say, "Wow, your voice is beautiful. What would YOU like to do with it?" Not once does anyone give me the chance to surprise them with my creative ideas. Open mic is not that interesting to me. I would rather write new soundtracks for old movies, go on a songwriting roadtrip where I met musicians in different cities to collaborate on songs, surprise people in a public bathroom with a pop-up concert, organize a flash mob music performance on a public city bus, write whimsical narrative songs and turn them into beautiful trippy music videos that mesmerize people so they listen long enough to hear an inspiration message that changes their life a little. These are the ideas that make my eyes sparkle. This is how I want to show up in the world. Sprinkling music throughout the world in unexpected ways to add surprise and texture to people's lives. So no, thank you for the suggestion but I'm not particularly interested in open mics. For whatever reasons, forcing myself to go out and perform in a dark empty bar at night is distracting me and draining my energy away from the more fanciful visions that set me on fire. I will swim up against current and let go to cruise with my own flow, although it may make no sense to you. And for all of you out there who think that open mic is the first and/or only stepping stone towards a musical dream or career, I highly suggest start asking musicians more questions and let these beautiful artists blow your mind and expand your horizons with their creative visions. // Cha
"Most lovely of all was when the seamstress sized the dress to me...it wasn't about me fitting into the dress but about the dress fitting me. The same experience can be had with our dreams; they can be off the rack but with some effort on our part our dreams can be tailored to us...we can create the right dream for us."
-- Dare, Dream, Do: Remarkable Things Happen When You Dare to Dream
by Whitney Johnson
-- Dare, Dream, Do: Remarkable Things Happen When You Dare to Dream
by Whitney Johnson
The Foggy Progress of Learning to Produce Music in Abelton Live 9 Lite
I drag the headphones off my ears, wondering if they're bleeding from so much sound being pounded into them for hours. I've been staring at Abelton Live 9 Lite (the cheapest / entry level version of one of the best music editing software programs) for the better part of Sunday and listening to the same song over and over and over. Adding in drums. Deleting drums. Adding in different drums. Deleting them too. Eventually, I think it all sounds great. I've done it! I've created a professional sounding song. I take a pee break and when I sit back down at my computer and listen with fresh ears...fuck, it's terrible. It's messy and cluttered. I only thought it sounded good because I was so deep in the hole that everything blurred together. My musical brain isn't trained enough; my ear isn't sophisticated enough; I don't hear the little subtleties that the expert producer can pick out in their sleep. I'm at this beginner/intermediate level where I know enough to actual make something that sounds like real music (finally!) but I don't know enough to make it sound like professional quality music and I can't see the line the connects A and B yet. My vision feels short sighted. For the first time, I feel limited by my equipment. A few months ago I was just figuring out how to click record so the Lite version did the trick but now I'm experimenting with new tweaks and tricks and the software gives me that little warning box "Must upgrade for that feature" and everything I want to click on is faded out...untouchable. So I'm excited by progress and potential but a little frustrated by lack of clarity and limited equipment. There's only way through to the other side though... keep creating until that ear get's trained (I went through the same learning process when becoming a professional photographer) and keep saving pennies until you can upgrade to the fancier software. Until then...it's back to the basics. // Cha
How to Be an Asshole to Your Husband When You Need Me-Time
I left my husband rolling gyoza in the kitchen, his hands covered in flour, confusion across his face. I trot down the stairs, car keys jingling and I have no idea where I'm about to go but I know I'll be alone. No one will be able to find me. No one can call me (my phone is going on airplane mode) and no one can ask me to do anything I don't want to do. The world has been hounding me from all directions (that's what happens when you run multiple businesses and you still want to party and meet friends for coffee) and I've been hounding myself from the inside, pushing hard against walls of fear, questioning who I am and why I behave the way I do and figuring out how to disassemble fucked up pieces from childhood and rewire my brain so it works the way I want it to. I've got the world on my shoulders and it's fun and challenging and rewarding until....it's too much. So I hit the freeway. I find a Starbucks (that stays open til 10pm!) and I sink into a window seat and write poetry in my journal. Nobody knows me here. Nobody knows I'm here. Nobody can contact me. It's just me again...like when I was a teenager and I would lay in my room writing poetry. No responsibilities or demands. Just me, doing whatever I want. Ahh... it's been far too long and it's strange and delicious.
The airplane mode is important. I didn't turn it on until I was already in Starbucks at which point, the messages and notifications had trinkled in, including a request from home "to buy flour." It sunk my belly a little to be reminded that I was expected to return to the house. I wanted a fantasy escape for a few hours where I truly believed I didn't have to return (which of course I didn't). When I did return home it was to a slightly salty husband whose feelings were understandably bruised and since I was still feeling isolationist, I didn't exactly give him any consoling or comforting. He wanted to play music with me. I wanted to play music alone. He wanted to go out on a joyride. I sat shotgun with a grumpy 'I don't want to be here' kinda stink on my face. He could tell that I just didn't want to be around him and of course that was hurtful (nothing personal to him, I just needed me time). Then later before bed, he lost it a little at threw an apple down the hall at me (lol) as I slipped into the bedroom. "What's wrong?" I asked like as asshole. He told me he felt like he was a burden and ignored. I nodded and walked away, took a shower and went to bed, giving him a (probably pathetic) cheek kiss. Ouch. Sometimes I'm so deep in the 'gotta take care of me' hole that I have a cold heart towards everyone else. Even a direct statement like "you're hurting my feelings" evokes nothing from me but a "that's tough. I know how that feels." I don't know how to behave more kindly in these moments since I'm already functioning in survival mode with only enough energy reserves for myself. Perhaps the solution is to just avoid these low points all together. Don't get to rock bottom with self-care or set it up so you're not around other people in these moments. Tips anybody? // Cha
Cha Wilde Cover of 'Live Like You Were Dying' - Originally by Tim McGraw
The long drives to school gave me time to listen to music and sing at the top of my lungs. Nobody was listening. I was safe. I could be like Celine Dion, Christina Aguilera and Avril Lavigne with all those deep belly breaths and high trills. And then the country music playlist switched on and my heart started to fill with gratitude. The country singers were always expressing gratitude for a simple life; the peace of sitting on a porch and watching kids play in the grass, the special feeling when you have a cold drink by the river, the way the sunrise is more beautiful when you realize you'll only get to see so many of them. As a teenager with big observant eyes and a big compassionate heart that desperately longed to suck the marrow out of life, country music was speaking my language. One of my favorite country songs on my iPod has always been "Live Like You Were Dying" by Tim McGraw. I recorded a cover this week and I'm publishing two versions. Which version do you like better and why?
Version One: One Raw Take
I just clicked record, sang the song and clicked stop. I added a little audio effect (hello 'Large Stage' & 'Vocal Hall' reverb for the voice and 'Oil Barrel' reverb for the guitar) and clicked published. Take it just as it came out, just as it is.
Version Two: Compiled
I recorded myself singing the song three times and then I plucked out my favorite parts from each song (based on how my voice sounded) and stitched them together into one complete song.
THE COVER ART
I design all my cover art in Adobe Photoshop, combining photos of my life taken during the time period while working on the song that hold a special significant to me with some relevance to the song - a visual feeling to accompany the sound.
This cover includes these photos:
☆ Davey and Me playing with sunflowers in our garden, being goofy together and really enjoying summer weather.
☆ A goofy group photo of us with friends out on a motorcycle ride, stopping to watch sunset over Lake Sammamish and jump around a little.
☆ A field near North Bend, WA full of wild elk grazing at sunset.
☆ And of course, an abstract portrait of my naked body lying in bed (fact).
Say Hi cuz i'd love to hear from you :)
How Teaching My Niece to Roar Like a Tiger is Making Me a More Confident Woman
A little tiger roar travels down the hall from the kitchen. Ary the tiger is making breakfast with her dad and there's a 90% chance she's wearing leopard print pants with shoes on the wrong feet. I've been living with my 2 year old niece for almost 4 months. She wears my high heels. I taught her how to pull the chair over to the refrigerator so she could get her own water. She likes playing piano with me. We crawl on all fours in the kitchen and pretend to be tigers. I get to be the older wiser auntie tiger that lets the little cub climb all over her and growl in her ear with all her baby tiger might. My favorite part is when I decide to shock and surprise the little cub and let out full grown roar. The little cub falls back, half terrified in giggles...then she springs back with another growl as big as she can muster.
Just to be clear, I'm talking a FULL HEARTED roar. I'm not a releasing a weak "meow...I'm pretending to be a tiger but really I'm an insecure human trying to entertain a kid" kinda sound. NO! I mean, a ROOOARRR! so strong the neighbors might hear. It outside my comfort zone. The guys might hear me (although they probably are so focused on League of Legends that they won't notice). I push myself to just do it. The first time is awkward but it feels kinda good so I try again. Louder. Liberating! Again, I ROAR! I don't remember the last time I truly pretended to be an animal like this. I feel like I've unleashed a part of me that was tamed many years ago. I see Ary roaring wholeheartedly. I don't want her to lose that freedom of expression that comes so easily to her now. If I hold back, she'll start copying me and one day she'll be holding back too, thinking that that's what we're supposed to do. No! I must not hold back. For her, I must rise and show her what a ROARING woman looks like so she can grow into one herself! Adulthood should bring power to your roar, not timidity! My desire to be a good example for Ary gives me the courage to leave my comfort zone; to gather up my adult power and combine it with my childlike free spirit. As the tigress I have no insecurities, self-doubt or weird passive aggressive shit going on that human women often bring to the table when rearing their young. I feel grounded, confident and strong. I know who I am and I roar with confidence. I play with the cub, showing her how it's done, encouraging her, keep growling as loud and proud as you can until you do it like me.
**After writing this blog post I walked out into the kitchen and YES! she was wearing a full cheetah print outfit! #win
If you want some more inspiration around setting an example for children, check out Chapter 5 (Audible Audiobook version - not sure if it matches up with printed chapters) of Dare, Dream, Do: Remarkable Things Happen When You Dare to Dream by Whitney L Johnson. I'm reading it right now and grabbed this gold nugget: "In dreaming we teach our children how to dream."
by Whitney L Johnson. I'm reading it right now and grabbed this gold nugget: "In dreaming we teach our children how to dream."How to Face Fears of Public Speaking and Singing - Coffee with the West Seattle Vibes Ladies
Writing a Song Inspired by the Las Vegas Shootings - Live Songwriting Session with Cha Wilde
I stayed up til 1am last night writing a song in response to the shooting in Las Vegas. It took me 2hrs to create this song start to finish and I recorded the entire process on video. I'll share that video this week but for right now, here is just a snippet of the song. this shooting hits home for me because it was at a music festival....my happy place. it could easily be me and my friends that were dancing one moment and running for our lives the next. the cover art for this song features photos of my husband and I having the time of our lives at #bumbershoot 2017 music festival in Seattle. I felt SO MUCH joy that night. it saddens my heart to imagine that joy being snatched away by a shooting...especially imagining if my husband was shot and killed in front of me when we'd just been dancing happily 5min earlier. instead of writing a sad song and focusing on the negativity (there is enough of that in the world already)
I offer this song and cover art to the world as a humble gesture of healing that honors the wonderful festivals and humans coming together to celebrate...to rise together from life's ugly challenges and still be able to see beauty in this world.
♡ OTHER PLACES TO FIND ME ♡
↠ Instagram - https://instagram.com/chawilde
↠ Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/chawilde/
↠ Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/chawilde
↠ Youtube - SUBSCRIBE!
13 Ways to Recognize an Empowered Woman
13 Ways to Know You're In the Presence of an Empowered Woman
-She does not push others down to push herself up. She pulls herself up and then looks around to see how she can pull others up with her.
- She calls people on their bullshit and then she stands by their side to help them deal with it. She doesn't just leave someone to deal with their bullshit alone once she's call it out. Likewise, she doesn't point a finger and say "You have a problem". She points a finger and says "This is a problem. We will take care of this together."
-She says NO. She stands up for herself and speak up when something doesn't feel right. If she feels insecure or unstable, she will pause for a moment to gather herself, acknowledge the situation and rise, perhaps even sharing this entire experience openly.
-She calls out her own bullshit, sometimes stopping mid-sentence to say she is wrong. When someone else calls her on her bullshit or challenges her behavior or words, she calmly pauses to consider. She is never be afraid to look at herself under a microscope for the sake of self improvement.
-She cries with dignity, showing feelings vulnerably while standing strong in self acceptance; feeling no attraction crying for the sake of sympathy, drama or attention.
-She does not delight in the suffering or belittling of others. She does not make herself feel good by making someone else feel lesser. She experiences deepest joy from helping others rise into their own power. When she is empowered, she naturally empowers others. Thus, if you feel fearful, intimidated or in anyway a lesser version of yourself when you are around someone, it is likely that person is not empowered themselves. Empowerment feels so good that those who experience it long to spread it around so they can have more empowered people around them, fueling the empowerment cycle. Empowered people want to be around empowered people...so they spread the power.
-She does not exclude others. She immediately includes new friends into conversations with old friends, understanding that privacy is not necessary between humans. We are all the same. She'll express herself wholeheartedly and vulnerably in front of someone she's known for 10 years and in front of someone she's known for 10 minutes. That shared moment is a moment of beautiful bonding, especially for the new relationship. In this immediate intimacy, she leads the way for others to feel permission and acceptance to be as they are.
-She is not worried about what other people are thinking. She is focused on how she can love, give, support, encourage, empower them. She understands that whatever someone else is thinking is none of her business unless they choose to share it and so she makes no assumptions. Instead, she stands taller and projects what she believes to be true. Those who are thirsty for her flavor of water will come drink from her well. Those who think differently will go elsewhere. Being disliked or rejected is not a problem for her because she understands that by drawing such clear lines in the sand of her life, people will either be with her or against her. Either way, she holds welcoming arms open to them all.
-She does not tell you where you are, where you should go, or even draw attention to where you have been. She opens up space so you can grow into it and fill it up however you are led, however you choose. She sees where you are growing, what you can be, and she makes you believe you are already there so that you become it.
-She says 'I love you' not lightly as a disclaimer or apology to soften a blow (You know I love you but....) but as a genuine expression of deep connection. In other words, she doesn't sprinkle it around during a rocky conversations to calm the awkward waters. She may say "I love you" at the end of a conversation in a moment of authentic gratitude for whatever connection she has just experienced with the person before her.
-She has a powerful productive conversations that cultivate growth and progress, finding solutions to problems and stimulating new ideas. She steers conversations away from negativity, gossip and drama and redirects them to fuel feelings of love, acceptance, enthusiasm and possibility.
-She accepts herself completely. She's not trying to be something she is not or trying to fit herself into a little box or dilute herself to please others. She wishes you to do the same; mutual acceptance of self and others. Through self acceptance she gives others permission to be themselves; her aura is a safe space where all are accepted just as they are.
-She has power in abundance so it flows out naturally to others. When you leave her company, you will feel more powerful, more enthusiastic about life, more confident in your ability to make your dreams come true. All human interactions are just exchanges of energy; giving and taking/receiving power. An empowered woman is tapped into the universe thus giving her a supply of unending power to share with others. When a woman is lacking power, she will cling to whatever power she can get her fingers on, sometimes stealing it from other people. If you leave an interaction feel lesser of yourself then she took power from you. She needed it and the only way she knew how to get it was to steal it from somebody and today you were the victim. So by pulling herself up, plugging herself into a greater power, she then becomes a simple channel through which great power flows freely to all. Everybody needs it and in this way we give it to each other. Abundance through giving.
It is no great feat to make someone feel weak or bad about themselves. It is easily done and it is not impressive. With nothing more than some unkind words, a thoughtless tone or a stabbing look you can destroy a person's hard earned confidence, pushing them off the edge of self-defeat that they were already balancing on precariously. The greatest challenge and most beautiful gift we can give another human is to welcome them openly into our personal space, share ourselves fully without shame, and greet them as their greatest self, inviting that greatness to come out and play.
....and that is the magic of empowerment. It brings us back to a state in which we believe we can do anything and we feel eager to try new things, unaffected by failure, excited to make new friends, happy to share, free from tension and quick to laugh and celebrate. You can recognize an empowered woman because spending time with her feels as refreshing as playing with a child. You can finally just be yourself again and have fun exploring who you want to become next.
“Whisper an insult and she’ll hear it like a scream. Scream encouragement and she’ll hear it like a whisper. So scream your fucking head off at your friends so they feel encouraged enough to believe in themselves. ”
3 Tips for Singing When Fear is Holding You Back
1. Body Language
Read "Presence" by Amy Cuddy and start holding your posture like a superhero. Your physical body position will signal a matching level of insecurity/confidence in your mind. When we play guitar, it's natural to slump forward, drop your head and slouch your shoulders. Try opening up, push your chest forward, breath into your belly and lift your face to greet the word. Just this alone will boost confidence because now you're visually and energetically presenting yourself to the world as a confident singer instead of a timid one.
2. Breath Deeper
Singing requires air and powerful singing requires lots of air pulled deep from the diaphragm. When we're nervous we often breath shallow in your upper chest because our belly feels tight with nerves. Start pulling the air to the bottom of your lungs, let your belly inflate. This may feel uncomfortable at first because it's so customary for our society to encourage 'sucking it in' but when breathing deeply we need to let it all flop out. Deep breathing will not only provide your vocal chords with the wind needed to make stronger noise, it will calm your nervous system and help release the tension you're holding in your belly. We want to release the tension in the upper belly (where the diaphrgam and Solar Plexus chakra are located) because we need energy to flow freely through this region of your body. Why? It's from this "gut" area that you cultivate your power and express it up and outwards into the world. It doesn't matter how beautiful your voice is, how much you love the music or even how deeply you're breathing; if you're Solar Plexus chakra is stuck in tightness you'll have an energy blockage and your music will have no power and no impact.
3. Meditate
Fear is just us distracted - instead of thinking of the task at hand (play music), your mind is wandering and worrying. Do I sound good? Do they like it? What if I mess up? What are the next lyrics? When you meditate, you're practicing controlling your attention to direct towards one thing. Each morning, you can do a breath meditation - keep bringing your attention back to the inhale & exhale. When you move through the forest or even through the city, you can do a walking meditation - keep bringing your attention back to the feeling of your feet on the ground or the smell of the air. Pick one thing and focus on it exclusively letting everything else blur into the background. Now, the better you get at this skill of focusing the mind, the easier it's going to become for you to apply it to music. As you start to sing or perform, the moment you notice your mind wandering, bring it back to the note, the sound of your voice, the meaning of the words (whatever you resonate with most). Just like a puppy who is learning to 'sit', the mind is always going to get distracted and it's your job to patiently train it to sit for longer and longer intervals. Eventually, you'll be so lost in the music, so present, you won't have any room in your head for those fearful thoughts. Remember, you're not afraid...you're distracted.