I wrote my way to where I wanted to be.
In my bliss there are no words.
My vocabulary of sensations expands with my peace. Peace is mine. Joy is mine. Space is mine.
Nothing else is mine. Even the breath isn’t mine; I always have to give it back. What I am left with at the end of the exhale, that is mine. What I am left with after my final exhale, that is mine.
I love peeing in the ocean water, feeling warmth around my legs in the cool environment, a deep feeling of relaxation as my body releases what it needs to release. The lungs I breath feel subtle movement of air, the volume and speed of gas entering and exiting through the mouth with every breath. I’m adjusting my buoyancy with my breath. My breath controls everything; whether I sink, float, rise, turn. I’ve trained for this underwater world for over a decade on the yoga mat. Of course I love it. I get to be in flow, in a world where breathing is the most important rule, the main thing I focus on. Scuba diving is perfectly aligned with my yoga practice; every breath to match and control every movement. What I practice on the yoga mat is alive underwater because with the surface far above me, attention to breath is now life or death. If I forget to breath, I die. On the yoga mat, if I forget to breath, my mind wanders and I catch myself over and over. I see how easily I wander away from the breath. Underwater, there is no more space for wandering, it is all alive in real life, edge of death importance now, breath is everything like it has never been before. Of course I love diving; I get to meditate in pranayama as I flow within the mighty power of the ocean. The mat is a place to flow on land the way I can when I am diving in water. Yoga off the mat and into the water.
Because I went scuba diving with Aussie divers, I am now very well trained in my fundamentals, I feel a bond with this team of instructors, and confident and excited to explore diving in other parts of the world. Because I did this, I discovered that I am naturally talented as a diver it seems. I also serendipitously met a videographer who is excited to shoot me and make surfing music videos with me and travel with me to Raja Ampat to film a documentary for Arno and film me as we travel — beautiful yoga videos on boats and beaches, and mermaid videos in the surf and scuba! Wtf!?!
Serendipity. My favorite instructor gets randomly assigned to my last day of training at the last minute. There’s a music videographer who has been praying to meet someone like me for a long time, just like I’ve been praying to meet him. I meet an example of a hot guy I’m interested in on the boat whose name is Landon 😍
I’m really not that concerned about what I see. I’m just happy to be in the water, to feel the water on my skin soft and cool, to feel my body pulled along by current and to be a part of something greater, submerged in mama ocean, back home where I started. To be in a womb again. This is why I love diving immediately. Everyone keeps asking me if I saw a turtle or a shark as if these are the main events. Yes, I saw them. Yes, they’re magical. Yes, I’m there for something so much more than just one creature, more than eye spy fish games, more than taking pictures. I’m there for so much less and less is more. I’m there to be fully submerged in water, breathing in water, present in water, playing in water. Everything else is decorative and delightful. Everything else is extra on top of what is enough. The ocean herself is enough. Everything she contains are new friends I get to meet. The ocean herself though is what called me. She called me and now here I am, floating in her arms. Did I see a turtle? The questions they ask open my eyes to the mindset of everyone they’re used to encountering. I suppose once again, they’ve probably never met someone like me. Everywhere I go is the same. No one has ever met anyone like me; a girl who dove into the ocean because she wanted to go home.
Love & Rainbows,
Cha Wilde