You Make Your Own Reality - Going After Saint Claire

I am going to sit outside this gate until the sun comes up. I don't care how long it takes. I don't care if I miss out on the entire music festival. I know what I want and I'm going to make it happen. I've never felt so focused & determined in all my life. I just saw Saint Claire perform on the Yeti stage at Sasquatch Music Festival and the minute the first note left his throat I was hooked. He sang his first word, I look at my girl Melina and said "I'm going to sing with him," and I walked out of the crowd. I stood on the hill by the side of the stage in awe - I've never seen anyone perform with such freedom. I grabbed my phone and frantically typed the words that were pouring into my mind.... "What came through him was so beautiful. That's inside me too...Go work with him to get it out. Go with him. Wherever. Leap. Eek. Until it flows through you. Then fly off." I returned to the stage 30 minutes after his show ended and asked the security guards to take me to him. Of course they were like... "Sorry ma'am, the musicians have already left. He won't talk to you unless you're some famous artist blah blah blah..." I didn't care. They gave me his business card. Thanks but not good enough. I HAVE to meet him. I kept asking security people until I found someone that would help me. (Thank you Mr. Eiligh) It took about 30 minutes but eventually, they tracked down Saint Claire & convinced him to come out and take to me. I showed him the notes I'd written on my phone, stumbled over my words (I wasn't exactly sober) and ended up with a plan to meet up for coffee in Seattle after the festival. I have no idea what's about to happen but I've never felt so clear about anything before. I had to meet him and I have to ask him if I can learn from him. We'll see what happens next. LIFE LESSON: you can make your dreams come true. once you know what you want, it's simple. you do whatever it takes to make it happen. dreams seem impossible until you start to take action and then suddenly you realize how close and simple it's been all along. 

Fear Marching at Sasquatch Music Festival

I'm calling it a FEAR MARCH. I put in my headphones and walked around the Sasquatch Music Festival singing 'Try Everything' by Shakira at the top of my lungs. I kept walking for hours, people were staring. Why wasn't I listening to the musicians on the stage? Why was I by myself? Why was I singing like a crazy person? ... Because I've been searching for ways to overcome my fear of singing in public and I figure the best way to get over something is to just force myself through it. So I sang and walked and sang some more until I just didn't give a f*ck anymore. At first it was awkward but eventually I realized the world didn't end and apart from some minor staring, people really don't care. They just keep on walking and get on with their lives. Meanwhile, I'm liberated and boosting my confidence. What kind of FEAR do you need to march through? // Cha

Positive Affirmations on Rainbow Post-It Notes

I'm sick of the nasty voices in my head, telling me I'm not good enough, not trying hard enough, not desired or appreciated by others, too intense for others etc... They aren't always that direct though - they can be sneaky. Little thoughts like, "Don't sing too loudly this morning because you might wake people up." i.e. your voice isn't something they want to hear in the morning. BUT that's not true. Roommates have told me they love waking up to my music. In fact, one roommate moved in and specifically requested, "Can you please wake me up with your piano playing every morning?" AND YET the nasty jerk in my head tells me to be quiet. Sometimes my negative self-talk is so loud and distracting, I can't remember or generate anything positive. WELL thank god for Post-It Notes because this morning I've started writing down positive words (about my music) given to me by other people. This rainbow of positivity is now sticking to wall above my piano so I will be constantly re-filled with positivity from the outside, shoving out the negativity until one glorious day my own inner positivity will run the show! (If you need some Post-Its, hit up Costco. I got 15yrs worth of stickies for $15). // Cha

You are a Channel for Creative Life Force

"As a living being, you {are a channel of creative life force}. It is the reason for your being, the how and what of your being. Energy flows through you, enlivens you, and makes you you. And if the flow of energy becomes obstructed or lessened {then your health will suffer}...Your body's ability to function as a clean and efficient channel is limited by stiffness, lack of strength, and lack of endurance. Your mind's ability is limited by the way it thinks about itself, by the way you think about you. The process of yoga is one of undoing the obstructions and limitations in your body and mind that inhibit the free flow of creative life force....As you loosen and dissolve the physical and psychological knots that bind your body and mind, you are literally enlarging your capacity to channel the energy of life. Creative life energy will flow through you more easily, with greater volume and power; and as it does, you will experience more easy and less disease,feeling and becoming more alive...This is important because the fulfillment of your highest potential is directly proportional to your ability to function as a clean and efficient channel." --- The Spirit and Practice of Moving into Stilness by Erich Shiffman (pg 64) :) cool, or what?!

Breath Meditation - Best Yoga Technique for Facing Fear

Am I doing it right? Maybe if I keep asking questions I won't make a fool of myself. Questions will lead to answers which lead to understanding which lead to perfect action which lead to me looking badass. Right? It seems like a good action plan but I'm actually sabotaging myself. Davey is teaching me how to workout with kettlebells and I'm feeling so vulnerable (I've felt shy to workout in front of guys my entire life. I remember finding a plethera of excuses to skip or sit out of PE (especially during baseball season) because I didn't want to look stupid, uncoordinated, or unattractive in front of boy --- geez this is lame...but true). So now when the hottest guy EVER is asking me to haul a 30lb cast iron sphere into the air by thrusting my invisible penis forward, I'm recoiling. Every cell in my body is trying to avoid looking awkward or unattractive and so every five seconds I'm placing the kettlebell back on the ground and berating him questions about form and technique. Maybe he'll appreciate my 'desire to get it right' or maybe he's finding it annoying and wishing I would just shut up and swing the bell. That's what I'm wishing anyway. Shut up Chamonix! But the voices, insecurities, questions are flooding my brain circuits and it's almost impossible to perform the physical movement. The overthinking is sucking all the energy that my brain needs to coordinate the body parts. What am I going to do? Hmmmmm... Yoga is always the solution. I lock my eyes onto a little rock on the ground in front of me. I focus on my breath and silently in my head I say, "inhale....exhale....inhale...exhale...". I start swinging the bell and every time a feel a thought or questions running towards me, I focus more intently on the breathing so my mind is so consumed by the words INHALE & EXHALE that there literally isn't any space in my conscious mind for other thoughts. And just like that, miraculously, I'm swinging the kettlebell and Mr. Hotstuff is clapping and laughing with joy, celebrating my success. Point of my story: whether you're attempting to swing a kettlebell in front of a hottie, play music in front of people, or do anything in this life that scares you and makes you feel vulnerable...focus on one thing and breath. Get so focused on one thing that everything else (including the distraction of fear that's holding you back) melts away. This is meditation. // Cha

2017-05-18 07.56.49 1.jpg

People Need People - Curing Depression with Networking Events

I'm crying. I'm sitting on the stairs. I can't find my car keys. I'm late to a networking event. Life is stressing me the fuck out and I'm exhausted. I can't handle this. Three hours later I skip gleefully out of the networking event, fully charged with a bubbly smile. What happened? People happened. I removed myself from my lonely-ass office and surrounded myself with like-minded entrepreneurs who were excited to meet me. Connection. Support. Laughter. Possibilities. Instant moral boost! PEOPLE NEED PEOPLE. // Cha
 

Project Chill - Faking Relaxation to Remove Stress

When I started dating my boyfriend, my self esteem was pretty low. I wanted him to think I was carefree & confident so I faked it in hopes that both of us would start to believe it. He believed it right away because confident is as confident does. It took me a couple months to finally embrace the reality that in the process of acting confident, I actually became confident. Action is the magic sauce that changes your character. Talking about it won't get you as far as walking towards it. Two years later, I've got a new fake it till I make it project and I'm callin' it PROJECT CHILL. I've let stressful feelings fill my entire life to the point where I'm struggling to feel fully happy and bright each day (which is who I am at my core and how I enjoy feeling). So this morning, as the Seattle rain pours outside my window, I'm acknowledging each wave of stress as it rolls in and I'm replace it with a chill feeling. For example, I caught myself rushing around the house and though...what would I be doing right now if I weren't stressed? Probably cuddling in bed reading a book. So I grabbed a book and jumped into bed. I'm hoping that by acting the way I would act if I were relaxed, I will create opportunities for myself to actually become relaxed. In addition to change my behavior, I'm also watching my thoughts. I've already caught dozens of stressful thoughts this morning, deleted them and replaced them with positive chill thoughts. For example, while cooking breakfast for my boyfriend, I thought.....Jesus, I'm swamped with how many tasks I have to do today ahhhh and I'm spending all this time cooking breakfast. Am I wasting my time? Should I just let him feed himself? He never makes breakfast for me. I work best in the morning, will I catch up today for this lost time?...DELETE and replace with....My boyfriend inspires me to be playful and positive. I'm excited we are starting our day together before work. We'll have more fun and be more creative at work because we started the day with a happy and healthy! And so PROJECT CHILL begins, converting one stressful feeling at a time until I don't even have to think about it anymore. // Cha

Avoiding Burnout - Signs That It's Time to Make a Change

My insides feel like they've been shredded by a blender. I'm walking around my neighborhood, deep breaths, happy music trying to cheer me up, but I'm just sifting through a shit huge pile of emotions. The negative self-talk is taking over and I feel fragile and raw. The worst and best part is that all my problems are inside my head. I'm not suffering from physical illness, a death in the family, a natural disaster destroying my home...none of it. I'm just a crazy over-achieving beating herself up for not accomplishing enough AND being perfectly carefree and happy, showering daily and cleaning up my dishes. Something's gotta give. Right now it's my nervous system. I've crashed and burned out 3 times in my life. I don't want to see #4. So I'm catching myself now. These are the signs that something is very wrong:

  • Not setting aside time for hygiene and housework,.
  • Feeling impatient & snappy at work when other people are talking and "wasting time"
  • Feeling irritated when my boyfriend gives me affection because he's interrupting my work
  • Being so self-absorbed with my own projects that I'm not interested or even irritated when my boyfriend wants to talk about his issues because it's a distraction from what I'm doing
  • Not jumping out of bed in the morning with enthusiasm
  • Feeling a heavy heart in my chest instead of a spring in my step
  • Worrying about future things like children, houses, death, aging, having children and get fat and my boyfriend won't find me attractive anymore and I won't feel happy and young and free (what a can of worms....)
  • My boyfriend told me he's been feeling resentment for having to clean up my dishes this week and he feels like he has to walk on eggshells around me or else I might breakdown
  • I'm not smiling and joking around (because that's my happy default normally)
  • I'm staying at home every night to be with my boyfriend instead of going out with friends and participating in cool activities & adventures
  • Negative self-talk is loud in my head.
  • Feeling on the brink of tear, I could burst at any moment
  • Dreading my work because there's so much to do I don't even know where to start
  • Avoiding my phone because I don't want to engage with anyone

All my beautiful dreams and goals cannot come at the cost of my health, happiness & relationships. Once again, I've slipped into messiness and it's affecting other people. I'm SO NOT okay with this. I need to refocus on my intentions of this year: MINIMALISM, FOCUS, LOVE PEOPLE. My only goal is to pay off my debt. My mantra is JOY IS POWER. I can do anything I want as long as I'm happy. I'm not feeling happy today and therefore, I need to reconsider what I'm doing. All of this is so icky to feel and talk about but it's the truth...so there you have it. Just another day on my journey... // Cha

Musical Breakthroughs and Mountain Tops

Thank fucking God - a musical breakthrough climbed down my chimney last night and gave me the best gift ever. HOPE. I've been smashing my forehead against the Focusrite (music recording equipment) for months, no progress, just despair and frustration and a nasty voice in the back of my head that tells me I'm not good enough to ever make real music. Last night, something finally clicked and I understood Abelton, how all the tracks can dance around each other, the subtle accents of random noises in the background that add so much character to a song, the reason WHY I want certain instruments to enter & exit at certain moments, and my brain even started hallucinating music to fill in the blanks, hearing melodies and riffs I would have to go record later and insert. It was magical. I could hear so much beauty in the sounds that I created and the way I arranged them. Miraculous! I thought I'd never get to this point and I'm so joyous because I realize I'm on just at the very beginning. So this morning, I'd like to remind us all that breakthroughs do not randomly appear. They are the view from the summit of the mountain and you don't get to see it until AFTER you've invested all the arduous time & effort climbing. When you start your climb, the summit seems impossibility far away. Half way up the mountain, you feel tired and doubt if you'll make it. Sometimes you hit a false summit, thinking you've gone as far as you can. Sometimes you lose sight of the summit or feel like switchbacks having you walking in circles instead of making any upward progress and all you can think about is how out of shape you are and maybe you should just give up. But then, suddenly, you're at the very top and everything is laid out before you; the most beautiful view and clarity and you can sit down and eat your lunch full of pride, renewed self-belief and thoughts of which mountain out there in the distance you want to climb next. // Cha

My Creativity Heals Myself & Others

"MY CREATIVITY HEALS MYSELF & OTHERS."
- Brene Brown, Rising Strong

I hear the shower running and knives on the kitchen counter. My roommates are buzzing around the house and I'm hiding in my music room. I desperately want to write music tonight but I wish I were home alone so nobody could hear me. With so many roommates, being home along is an almost unheardof luxury so I just have to suck it up and sing. Everyday I find new tricks to face this fear of being heard, being vulnerable with my creativity exposed. This weekend, my trick is repeating this mantra: "My creativity heals myself and others." I suffer when I hold back and don't let myself sing freely because I feel trapped & powerless beneat the vice-like grip of fear, angry at myself for not being strong enough to escape. When I breakthrough and sing, I feel a rush of creativity flows through me. I feel happy and alive...I am healed. Although they might not share it openly, my roommates are humans with insecurities and fears of their own. I hope that when they hear me singing, they will feel inspired and filled with hope - If Chamonix can face her fear of singing, then I can face my fear of _______. Sometimes my fear is so powerful that I don't have the strength to fight it FOR MYSELF but believing that my fight will inspire and heal someone else, fills me with that strength I need. I want to see my friends succeed and be happy and if leaving my comfort zone and making a fool of myself is what's required to help them heal & believe in themselves, then FOR THEM I can and will do that which is most challenging for me. Love is the greatest source of power. // Cha