Creating My Dream Artist Lifestyle, Living in Flow

It still blows my mind. I’m actually waking up each morning with all the time in my world to take care of my body, teach yoga (my most nerdy passion that I want to talk about all day) and write songs. For years I’ve busted my ass for this delightful lifestyle. I get to adventure, create, rest and play. I had a vision for it and I’ve made it happen and I continue to make it happen. I’m still in disbelief. I feel a little rumble under my surface, nervous stress, afraid it will go away. I feel like I should be doing something else, something that feels more like work…and then I remember…this is my work now. My task is to show up and create beautiful art, express my feelings, share my creations with people, enjoy conversations online with people, rest and play with my friends in person, go out and see the world. I dreamed of a day when my main task would be self care and making music. Here we are. Now I’m learning how to allow and receive.

I have a big backlog of songs to release. As my mastering engineer said in an email to me this morning, “your songs are too good to be sitting on a harddrive.” Yes!! A part of me is a perfectionist and just wanted to protect myself by making sure everything is orderly. Alas, I live in chaos. The songs are the way I release them into the world I kind of messy and even that can be liberating. Honestly, it feels much better, way more fun, to just release what I’ve made and let it go and move onto the next thing. I like that way more than refining one project to “perfection”. I like being in the constant quick flow, like riding a rapid river. Let it go!

Day 34. Incandescent Memories

LYRICS
I can go back
I ran like hell
Took me down
Feel Feel Feeling

Hey yo Hey yo Hey yo Hey yo He He He (x2)

Took me down
To the feeling ground
When I was high

Incandescent memories
Flickering inside of me
Murmurs in the night, murmurs in the night

Hey yo Hey yo Hey yo Hey yo He He He (x2)

Tintinnabulation full of admiration
for the dark night of your soul
for the dark night of your soul
When I was too cold to love you long
Tried to reach you in a song (x3)

Hey yo Hey yo Hey yo Hey yo He He He (x2)

Day 33. Free Fall

LYRICS
I feel so in love with life right now
Fuck it, I know I'm the one
Free fall into darkness, Free fall into darkness (x2)

I want everybody to be free (x4)
I feel so in love with life right now
Fuck it, I know I'm the one
Fall into darkness, fall into darkness
I feel so above a wife right now
Fuck it, I know I'm the one

Free fall into darkness, Free fall into darkness
Heal and shove and strife fight on
Fuck it I know who I am
Free fall into darkness, Free fall into darkness

I feel so in love with life right now
Fuck it, I know who I am
Fall into darkness, fall into darkness

I want everybody to be free (x4)

I love it when you're joyful
Everyone is free
Watch me I can be loyal
To who I'm meant to be
Free fall into darkness, Free fall into darkness
Trust fall, Trust

Whatever meets you at the bottom's in your favor
Whatever falls right off your lips is on your heart
Every moment left is all you've got to savor
Do not waiver, Trust Fall

Be Free, Be Be Free (x3)
I feel so in love with life right now
Fuck it, I know I'm the one
Free fall into darkness, Free fall into darkness (x2)

Day 32: Cutting Edge

LYRICS
Dreamed of being cutting edge
All my friends would see
Fell in love, Fell again
Fall until I'm Free
BumBumBumBumBumBumBumBumBum...

Places I should not have been
People I would not have seen
Leave me once to break my heart
Leave me twice so I could start
BumBumBumBumBumBumBumBumBum...

Leave me once to break my heart
Leave me twice so I could start
Loving, Loving
BumBumBumBumBumBumBumBumBum...

Fell in love, Fall until I'm free (repeat)

CREATIVE TEAM
Cha Wilde: lyrics, melody, vocals, piano, production, recording, mixing, mastering
Davey Browne: mixing, mastering

DAY 31: Rose Gold

CHORDS: B C#m G#m E

LYRICS
B C#m G#m E
Teach me to let go to leave what I made behind
B C#m G#m E
Maybe I’m waiting to see if it is mine
G#m
Touch me slowly softly
E C#m E
Feel me slowly awfully deeper, deeper
E G#m C#m
As the sun turns to pink let’s call it rose gold
As some start to think let’s call them real bold
As the sun turns to pink let’s call it rose gold
You and me are rose gold

Look myself in the eyes in the mirror
My body knows I am here
and I see you stand behind me
I feel your love is so clear

As the sun turns to pink let’s call it rose gold
As some start to think let’s call them real bold
As the sun turns to pink let’s call it rose gold
You and me are rose gold, gold

Teach me to let go to leave who I am behind
Tell I’m waiting there’s something here to find
Touch me slowly softly
Feel me slowly awfully deeper, deeper

Look myself in the eyes in the mirror
My body knows I am here
and I see you stand behind me
I feel your love is so clear, I feel your love is so clear
And I run, run, run, run
Cuz I know you’ll welcome me home
I feel your love is so clear

Touch me slowly softly
Feel me slowly awfully deeper, deeper
You and me are rose gold

CREATIVE TEAM
Cha Wilde: lyrics, melody, vocals, recording, production, mixing
Davey Browne: multi-band compressor help

JOURNAL

So I spent almost 12 hours making the song today. I learned from phase 1 that it’s unhealthy for me to stay up into the night working on music. I’m aiming to start songwriting no later than 2pm and finish up no later than 7 or 8pm. It’s currently 12:49am. I started just after 2pm today. I took breaks to paint, pee, social media, snack and swing. I made the whole thing by myself, locked up in my studio. Davey drove south to get building materials for the vocal booth he’s building in our house — you can look forward to our future songs which will be recorded with WAY higher quality audio! He’s been in construction mode all weekend and I was editing the songs from the first 30 days (aka Phase 1). We did 30 days of songwriting and then 7 days of mixing, mastering and uploading. Now we’re all caught up so today was the first day back to songwriting and I really wanted to make sure I got the song wrapped up. Gotta stay on schedule and not fall behind or else I totally burn out. So now we are in phase 2 which means I’m in for another 30 day sprint of songwriting - a brand new song from scratch to finish every day. It’s a full time job and I also have my other jobs. I still work part time as a photographer. Thankfully I build the photography business in my twenties with all that young huddle and now it practically runs itself and is my major source of income and I have a team that supports me. It’s ducking great. I have also been working with a small number of 1:1 clients who come to me for healing / coaching. I lead them through a personalized chakra journey that is influenced by Internal Family Systems therapy and yoga. My method and program is exactly what I do for my own self care and spiritual practice. It’s what keeps me so energized and creative all the time. I love sharing it with others so I’d you’d like more info about doing a chakra journey with me, email me. I’m also covering myself in paint everyday to stay happy and sane. Making music is very in the head, at the desk, on the screen, deep in the feels and out there in the imagination. Woof. So powerful and so heavy. So I paint to stay light and silly. I have an OnlyFans page where I share all my painting photos and videos. I’m always painting naked and body painting so it’s a fun place to come drool over my sexy body and take home some paintings and inspiration. LOL Paintings are for sale. Just make an offer if you see one you like.

Todays song was inspired by Kiarra Feels and Whipping, the producer Felix Snow and Alina Baraz and her producer Galimatis. I wanted to create a song that felt soft and sexy. Something I would naturally gravitate to if I were painting or seducing. I want to learn how to make music that feels dreamy and floaty and creamy. I ended up using a lot of piano, pads and layered kicks and snaps. I have a feeling im going to explore this style more in phase 2.

Davey and I are thinking of starting a band, a duo. We model ourselves after Oh Wonder. We’re thinking our brand will be all dripping with sex and guitar vocals piano vibes. Retro acoustic silky poetic vibes. If I do that with him then I’ll still be doing my own music over here which is more girly and Medicine woman shit. Ok, time to sleep. I’ve got to make another song tomorrow and I need to squeeze in yoga because all this sitting at the desk to make electronic sounds pretty is making my back hurt.
LOVE, cha

DAY 29. Twisted Melodies feat. Davey Browne

LYRICS
Threw caution to the wind but the wind hasn't blown
I'm pinned to the earth but the earth isn't stone
Don't touch me
Cuz it hurts when he flirts

All I want is to want you more
Hallow heart sink to the core
What is going on
What is going on
All I want is to want you more
Follow heart kink to the floor
What is going on
What is going on

What is this mood right now
Fucking mess of twisted melodies
Raising eyebrows at her
Blazing in jealousies

Sink away, let it be
You do guess I'll do me
Steal your time, Make you mine
You'll be yours and I'll be fine

What is this mood right now
Fucking mess of twisted melodies
Raising eyebrows at her
Blazing in jealousies

All I want is to want you more
Follow heart kink to the floor
What is going on
What is going on
All I want is to want you more
Hallow heart sink to the core
What is going on
What is going on

CREATIVE TEAM
Cha Wilde: Lyrics, Vocals, Mixing
Davey Browne: Guitar, Production, Mixing

JOURNAL

We skinny dipped in the moonlight…full moonlight. The river water was freezing and as my naked body slipped into the pitch black water, mud between my toes, I whispered “water, heal my body”. I had been trembling all day, feeling so disconnected from my husband. I prayed this shock to my system would clear the energy and allow my heart and whole body to open up softly for him again.

Davey and I have spent very little time together in the past two weeks. I think it’s equal and opposite reaction. We spent two solid weeks producing music everyday, right on top of each other. Then I couldn’t breath and flow so I packed up my stuff and spent the past two weeks with friends and in my studio. I wanted to create alone. Making music with another human is chemistry, just like sex. I want variety. I want to do it alone. I need space to explore and experience different energies. I was feeling overwhelmed by masculine energy. and logic. I was PMSing and bleeding and needed sacred woman time alone. I needed to chant like a medicine woman in a field without a guy watching me wondering or even admiring. I just wanted to be with nature, to heal deeply in my spirit and to make songs that only a woman can make. I wrote songs for my grandmothers and the rebellious spirit I love to see in women. I wrote songs about God and the seasons of earth with a hippie-ish friend. I realized I have a wild bobcat animal spirit beside now. Meanwhile, Davey was socializing with friends and working on music wondering where I was. He had been feeling invigorated by our work together and suddenly I disappeared. He didn’t know if we were still making music together. He told me he had been feeling part of a team and suddenly he was wondering if he wasn’t anymore. Space is medicine but also space is distance. We had been feeling so close. Our relationship was healing through our collaboration. With days of distance we were arguing, triggering each other, heavy in our speech and touching into deep wounds we didn’t want to deal with but had to. So we reserved today to make music together. We were uncomfortable around each other all afternoon. We drove out to the countryside, stood under the full moonlight, got really mad at each other to the point of almost breaking up and then sweetly hugged and jumped into the freezing river water, naked. We laughed on the way home and finally felt close again. We took a hot bath together (I got to use my favorite rose soap) and shaved to be all silky smooth. Then Davey cooked shrimp while I wrote lyrics…inspired by the conversation we had in the car. As we had been driving out to the countryside, I’d been typing notes on my phone...every word he said, every thought I heard in my mind. He also said he wanted to write a song inspired by “Dinner” by Oh Wonder. That song captured our pained confused mood. This song we made today is what we came up with. Davey created the beat to replicate the Oh Wonder song and we stayed up in the night to finish the song, hoping to still get enough sleep before snowboarding tomorrow!

DAY 28: Courageous

LYRICS
I've got the sun in my face
Moon on my back
Got a mountain to the left and right
Da da da Da da da Da da da Hay O
Hay Ay Ay Ay Oh

I've got the sun in my face
Moon on my back
Got a mountain to the left and right
Da da da Da da da Da da da Hay O
Hay Ay Ay Ay Oh

Take my hand now
Take my hand now
You don't have to hide it
You are courageous my love
We can hold it
You are courageous my love

I've got the sun in my face
Moon on my back
Got a mountain to the left and right
Da da da Da da da Da da da Hay O
Hay Ay Ay Ay Oh

You can hold it
You don't have to hide it
You are courageous my love

Da da da Da da da Da da da Hay O
Hay Ay Ay Ay Oh

You don’t have to hide it

JOURNAL

Davey asked if I was so tired because I was doing too much. In addition to writing a song everyday I’ve also been creating a blog post, tracking my lessons learned, and showing up hyperactive on social media to promote the songs and project. I think he nailed it on the head when he said, “I think you’re afraid you’re going to do all this work creating all this music and after making 1000 songs, if it doesn’t work, you don’t feel rewarded or successful then it won’t feel like it was worth it. So you’re working extra hard to promote the songs and make sure they are heard. You’re protecting yourself from all this work leading to nothing. hmm… Guilty?

Perhaps, I would be better off putting my head down and just focusing 90% of the energy purely on songwriting. 10% energy on sharing the songs. Maybe at first this will feel like I’m alone in a bubble but as the project continues momentum will naturally build and systems will be created and sharing will become easier. I don’t want to burn up all my energy on Instagram posts and have nothing left for songs. I’ve definitely noticed after days of promoting the songs online that I feel exhausted and less enthused to create the day’s new song. It feels so hard, especially on low energy days when I’m PMSing or bleeding. It’s been 28 straight days of songwriting. No days off. Definitely had some half-ass days though. I’m learning energy management and what to prioritize.

DAY 25: If You Wanna Fly

LYRICS
If you wanna fly
Give up everything that weighs you down
Oh ma ma ma hey ya hey yo

CREATIVE TEAM
Cha Wilde


JOURNAL
I am on the go moving fast at the moment. Self care is squeezing in. Social life is rich and creativity is abundant. I’m loving the focus on working on one project for a solid chunk of time (30 days). 30 days is my first milestone for this songwriting project. It seems so doable now that I’m at day 25. Do I want to keep going with songs? Maybe I would have fun switching to another art project? Painting for 30 days? Yoga teaching for 30 days? By focusing only on songs do I feel like I’m holding back? With focus I can pour out so much energy in one direction and it takes me somewhere. I can pour out the same energy in multiple directions and feel the rush of the energy flow but not go anywhere. I really love painting and I want to do both music and painting. I want to create a new painting everyday and list them all for sale. That would get me flow and through the painting blockages. It’s easier to do this if music and painting are both in my home.

The admin work for this project is intense. I’ll enjoy more space if I have my assistant help me more. A part of me who loves running business is buzzing. Parts of me who love yoga and meditation feel bulldozed. I think that’s why I’ve been making some Native American chanting music that feels like medicine songs, healing beats. I’m trying to express my spiritual parts through the music. They haven’t been getting enough attention on the yoga mat or nature time so they’re squeezing in through the songwriting. I don’t know if I can create this kind of medicine music with Davey. I have to lead the way. I don’t think he explores into this realm or those parts of him often if at all. I’m curious what we would create if I invited him to collaborate with me on a medicine song.

Parts of me want to quit songwriting because they feel neglected; parts who love painting, fitness, yoga, resting and being unplugged. I saw myself stressed and negative, bossy, unkind in the music videos I was editing. It hurts. I want to see joy coming out of me in my face and hear gentleness in my voice, a warm glow radiating from me. Parts of me fear this project is bringing out the worst in me…which I don’t want to have buried down so I suppose getting that shit to the surface is important and with my healing tools I can process them and transform.

If I’m willing to see my ugly, feel the pain of it, allow it to exist and be seen, then those protector parts may feel understood and they’ll be able to let go and take on a new role. The protector parts I feel right now are rushed, tense, busy, stressed, sharp, unkind, pushy. What are you guys protecting me from? Losing control. They want to make sure I’m respected.

Another part says, “I don’t like what this is turning me into. I feel like a monster version of myself. Too selfish. Only driven to inspire people online, far away but it’s not cultivating love in me for the people I’m actually with. I’m self centered, stressed out on social media and my phone all day. I’m a total emotional wreck. I felt much happier when I was prioritizing yoga everyday and serving my photography clients and playing music in my free time. I’m working so hard to distract myself from the pain inside from working so hard. I feel like I’m searching for heartbreak. I just need to simplify this songwriting project. I’ve been overachieving to protect myself to try and make sure it’s all being seen and heart and worth it.