JOURNAL
I spent a gorgeous day in my studio, alone, writing in my journal by candlelight. Pouring rain in the darkest Seattle. I recorded a video of myself for you guys explaining why I’m writing songs everyday. I’ve identified the following intentions for this project thus far:
A) improve my songwriting skills | so far I’ve learned these lessons and utilized these techniques for writing lyrics
B) learn to collaborate with people and lead creative teams through challenges in a fun way that empowers and inspires us all, so we get to enjoy deep authentic community and our creative parts can play together and we can grow together in ways none of us ever dreamed of :)
C) help the perfectionist, overly-controlling, anxious and doubtful parts of myself learn that it is safe to create whatever feels good to me, share freely, and playfully participate in this world with other people. I’m stepping forward to belong here in my power.
D) deep focus; my mind is ready for laser beam concentration, full attention on this practice of magic and medicine. I’m curious now, so curious what will happen by continuing with the project. What will I learn beyond what I’ve learned so far. I’m gathering lessons right and left and learning is addictive. A part of me is feeling very satisfied, fulfilled and rewarded by this songwriting work. At the end of each day I feel good and calm. I know I spent my day well and created something worthwhile, meaningful and beautiful. I contributed something to us. I feel connected to myself, self aware and so open for connection with other people. I don’t remember the last time I felt so socially inviting, driven to reach out and make plans with people. Even on my quiet days I feel so hungry for friends and so available. Perhaps my work is so deep and focused, intense mental control for hours and hours everyday…that now my time off feels so open, relaxed and refreshingly other. In songwriting I’m deep inside myself, body mind is alive. It’s so inward. In a balancing response, my social parts are proactively exploring and investing in friendships.
Wow, I’m getting so much more out of this songwriting project than expected…or maybe actually I am getting what I hoped for. Deep transformation.
Todays song…I wrote it in 20min. The words just dribbled out of my mind easily and I played two guitar chords on repeat. I recorded a few takes — first guitar alone, then vocals alone, then both guitar and voice at the same time. I record the two instruments (1. Voice and 2. Guitar) separately to get simple clear recordings that can be edited together later. I usually like the recording of me playing at singing at the same time beat because it has more soul. When I play and sing at the same time I get to feel the song in my body. When I record tracks separately it feels more sterile and structured. I do my best to act and feel the meaning but there’s nothing like a live instrument to stir up real emotions. The lyrics are capturing how I feel right now, today, the first day I released a song (Jan 7) and the first day I’ve spoken really publicly about everyday songwriting. Lots of fear in me today and excitement.
