I wanted to be so much more. Maybe this is enough. A yellow butterfly and the sentence I write about the yellow butterfly. I love all the Muslim cats in Klang Klang Beach; fluffy on the porch, round paws in the sand, scruffy faces on the sidewalk, round eyes under the barstool, every color in the grass beside the tethered cows. The wide quiet roads on this island bake in the sun, scooters make obnoxiously loud engine noise, and roosters and birds chat in the trees.
Life revolves around yoga, reading, coffee and food. “What shall we have for dinner?” is the question that surfaced once we’ve answered the first question of the day, “Where shall we have coffee?” Twice I visited Lazy Bird Cafe on this two day weekend getaway. Cappuccino with cacao and almond milk please. One hour after that, an açaí smoothie bowl, please. Two hours after that, a quinoa salad or fresh coconut, please.
Rae and I pop into the roadside grocery store to fill our bags with dragon fruits, mangos, water bottles, local “Beng-Beng” chocolate waffer bars, beautiful dark roasted chasers, dried anchovies with sesame seeds, and dried braid beans. I snack in the shade, listening to an audio book about Somatic Descent. Rae snacks in the direct sun (she’s becoming a golden goddess) while reading a historical fiction war novel.
The grains of sand are enormous here, rich with shells. My feet sink into the wet moving beach earth. Waves wash over my feet again and again as the mind wanders. Life is so much more expanded after I’ve completed daily yoga practice and meditation. It’s cracked wide open like a fruit or a shell. I cracked the body open and now I can suck the juice out of life. What came up in my yoga practice this morning? — Spiritual practices are the path to the core. Walk the path everyday to keep it clear and familiar, quick and easy to navigate. Home is within. Know the way home. The yoga practice each morning, just after waking up, is a physical journey home, back into the body, into the core. After a night of sleep in faraway lands of fantasy, the asana reunited the mind with the body in this realm and the rest of the day is lived in harmony.
and this is where the mind wanders…
What is this uncertainty inside that pulls and distracts and tugs and bothers me and nags at the mind all day and in the dreams? What is the soul saying? What have I been too afraid to hear myself say, the deeper truth aching inside?
How can I say it when I don’t have total confidence in any outcome, when I suffer consequences in every direction, when my words will forever ripple pain through many families?
Discomfort in uncertainty melts away in the warmth of guitar chords played beside the pool in the afternoon sun. Water trickling down my skin, leopard print bikini now wet and one with me, gratitude shining softly for this instrument that heals me again. I forgot the power of acoustic music to sooth me back to wellness, to draw the wandering mind back into the body. Just be in vibration.
After three days and two nights at Pinky Bungalows on Klang Klang Beach on Koh Lanta, I lifted heavy bags and crawled into the backseats of a 4hr van ride with Rae. Tucked in with water bottles, pomegranate juice, broad beans and anchovies, Kindles balancing on our knees, jungle trees zooming green in the windows, and water for a moment as we crossed on a ferry, I reflected…
What did Koh Lanta teach you?
“She brought me back to my morning yoga practice with Brandon. She showed me the beauty of living with another human whose speed, rhythm, and interests align; the effortlessness of moving together from one place and activity to the next. She showed me the power of waking up in light to a beautiful view, close to the earth and all elements. She gave me the big grains of sand and the ocean sunsets that fill me with hot wonder. She took away the noise of busy streets and made the rooster crow for me again. For me, the rooster is a sign of peace, of being in a good place, a place close to the heart. She suggested I return to the yoga retreat in Portugal where this journey began. She nudged me to write handwritten letters again. She hugged me in warm salt water to give me a home and blew soft warm zephyrs all over my body to show me how much I am adored. She heard me laugh a lot. She surprised me with fluffy cats around every corner, knowing this would bring me joy. She gave me more opportunities to speak up for myself and made the day hot with sun when I said “no” aloud with shaky voice. She delivered a row of coconut oil with SPF to make me smile at memories and introduced me to lucky shells.”
Love and Rainbows,
Cha Wilde