Get close to the queen. Yes, please. Run away with a pirate. Even better.
There are some moments I wish would last forever; sitting on the bow of the boat, falling in love with a man of the sea, dancing beneath the desert stars high on life, youth, music and MDMA.
Scuba diving. Life changing moment. I came into deep Self energy and resurfaced with clarity, read to take confident action. Underwater I knew I had to transition the relationship with my girlfriend back into friendship. I knew I would be in Phuket for the coming months to learn how to scuba dive while writing. I knew I would be walking The Wonderland Trail around Mt. Rainier next summer, possibly with my great love. I knew my great love and I would be making songs together from opposite sides of the planet. Thank you modern technology!
I know clarity when I see through it. I want to be here on the water in Thailad, on the boats, diving, running on the beach in the morning, walking on the dark beach at night after a full dinner, swimming in pools with epic views of infinity, painting the colors of coral, recommitting myself each morning to the path of yoga, sitting in the dark shower before bed strumming guitar and singing in an improvised made up language the song of my heart.
Underwater I felt peace. I had anticipated peace would be floating around me in the clear water. I was surprised to find the peace was in my soul and the clarity was in my mind. I took one big step off the back of a boat and sunk into a new level of living.
Everything is okay. If my great love falls in love with another. It’s okay. If my heart is broken. It’s okay. If I feel jealousy. It’s okay. If we laugh through it. It’s okay. Crying. It’s okay. Whatever. It’s all okay. I am spacious enough to inhale all of it and with a deep bubbling exhale I know, it’s okay.
After scuba diving, I walked from one end of town to the other end of town. I let loose on a shopping spree, buying decorations for a house I do not have. Wrap it up tight in bubbles and I’ll send it home to mom. She’ll hold onto it until I’m ready to unpack them one day; the lantern, the dream-catcher, the little elephant statue and the tea set. I’ll forget about them before I see them again. What a surprise I’m giving to my future self!
I love befriending shopkeepers when their gratitude shines with their smiles and bows. “You made my day. Thank you so much for helping me,” he said. How amazing it feels to hand over money when it’s received with such deep appreciation!
Traveling has connected me with my parents. I feel them within me everyday. I wonder where they are on Earth today. Traveling, always traveling. I believe my dad is sailing to Antarctica right now as my mother is taking another exotic cooking class in America. I don’t know where you’ll find me in the future. Where will I live? I only know where I live right now.
From now on, I’d love to dive at least once a week. I would love to be on the big boat bouncing, carving through the waves. I would love to nurture the mermaid in me! I’ll play with colors and words as I sit on the shore, in between visits to the ocean.
I seem to dislike good things at first. I have fallen in love slowly with some parts of the universe while other parts have me falling in love quickly. I know the way forward is ease, playful joy, letting go, handing over and being present. It’s the same realization every time. I fall in love quickly with new places, new things, new people. At first though, I resist, and then…love.
Love & Rainbows,
Cha Wilde
