DAY 2: City Lights

Check out the REMIX of this song.

COMMENTARY

JOURNAL
This project feels insane. Am I going to be exhausted? I’m probably going to rearrange my entire daily schedule to make space for this; earlier to bed, earlier to rise. I’m going to have to learn how to pump out songs so fucking fast or else my entire life will be eaten up in the studio. I better figure out how to create while out on adventures. Should I burn bridges with my other businesses and clean up my online presence. No plan B. Is that what we’re doing here? Yikes.

Remember, parts are extreme. Is this plan from Self energy or from extreme parts? The only way to know is to meditate and open my mind. With a calm mind I will see clearly and know with confidence. What does this project connect me to? My husband and brother. The parts of me who are determined, disciplined, bold, world class. 

Where do I need to welcome in compassion? What am I most curious about? Where will courage be required? This will no doubt skyrocket my creativity, though I anticipate valleys. I just hop I don’t lose years of my life that could have been spent exploring out in the wilderness or wading into the ocean. This commitment will serve me if it gives me grounding and from that ground my faith will learn to fly with freedom. 

Ian talked down on himself for the EDM beat he produced yesterday and said he’ll be good enough to release his own music in 10yr when he’s 40. It hurts my heart to witness him held back in anyway whatsoever. He is so good and has every power to be ready now. This reignites my passion to liberate people from limiting beliefs.

DAY 1: Saw You feat. Ian Rattue & Davey Browne

LYRICS

I'm trying to escape a place
I don't want to leave
Trying to uncover my face
I don't want to grieve
I'm losing the thrill of the chase
If I don't believe
So believe

I'm trying to reshape a race
I don't want to run
Trying to escape a space
I don't think I'm from
I'll never pick up the pace
If I don't believe
So Believe

Every time I saw you I knew you knew
Everything you saw in my was true
Every time I saw you I knew you knew
Everything we saw we saw it through

CREATION TEAM
Cha Wilde: Lyrics, Melody, Vocals
Davey Browne: Guitar
Ian Rattue: Guitar, Beats, Recording Engineer
Katie: Emotional Support & Sustenance

JOURNAL
Holy shit, am I actually doing this? I wanted something to change my life, to get me out of a rut, to get me jumping out of bed with joy in the morning.

This was our best solution. I’m writing a song everyday for 11 years. Fuck. This is epic and insane and better than wondering ‘what if?’ and wasting my life in bed. 

Do it for my family. Give them the gift of me at my greatest, focused, present and alive following my heart and clearing a path for their dreams to blossom, a journey to share. 

Where do you want to be in 10 years? What path do you want to walk on everyday for the next 10 years? Make it 11 years to be extra special. 11 is my favorite number and we always “turn it up to 11”. ;)

To do a project like this I need to release fear. Goodbye perfectionism. I’ll need balance. If I’m focusing so hard on music I’ll have to bring myself back to yoga.

It’s only been a few hours and I already see how my commitment clears possibilities for my loved ones to step forward into their greatness.

love, Cha

Sleeping with Trees in Italy

I grew up in a magic jungle. There was a special tree in our house and if I sat underneath it, nobody could come in and get me. Mom would have to stand beyond the branches and speak to me from a distance. In my magic jungle I was safe.

NB: My childhood was safe and magical. This tree was a luxurious creative gift from my mother, a gift that taught me boundaries and the healing power of trees. 

As a grown woman I still seek out trees. Wherever I go I find “my tree”, the tree that I will return to and sit beneath to rest, ponder, restore and retreat.

I found a palm tree in downtown Las Vegas. I have my own palm tree in Maui. I have a tree in Seattle and Miami. I found a tree in the pitch black night in the Cascade mountain as riddum (the worst kind of music in my opinion was forcing me to escape from a renegade rave). Yikes. That night I sat in a circle of ancient grandpa trees who allowed me to be with them as they told me stories of my people beneath the stars. I asked them to make me more like a tree and they helped me be okay with being human.

Today I slept for hours in an apartment in Venice, sun shining in through the European curtains. My family was out eating fresh croissants, gawking at ornate cathedrals. I did not join them. For me, there was magic aplenty to rest in solitude in this old building. I dozed in white sheets, occasionally opening my eyes to look out at the courtyard and see this tree. To simply be left alone in sunny slumber beneath an Italian blue sky with a quiet tree outside my window was enough. In fact, it was everything I’ve been longing for; a deep wholesome uninterrupted unrushed siesta. I unwound until my feet tingled with soft internal bliss.

— looking for trees in Italy

CHA WILDE

Between Sunset and Sunrise in Venice

Negative mindset drags me down and contagiously I start complaining. The people around me don’t understand our extremism and I watch myself degrade and dissolve into the unwell ways.

Can you not sit with me though the darkness? Why must I ache my way through the nights of the soul while you stumble for the light switch only to blind me into seeing nothing different.

Oh, of course. I get it now. You are in the way of the blind still. Try and be damned to bring me back. Only because you cannot yet join me in the genuine dawn. I reject your nightlight.

Bring me the glow of fire! I am not burned as she rises gently, soothing away my moonlit pain, serenading the sweet new day. I see her as I hear the morning songbirds. I await the sunrise within with courage.

Maybe one day we’ll share patience and watch the night dance with day in deeper stillness, deeper togetherness. 

between sunset and sunrise in Venice,

CHA WILDE

Morning Chill in Venice

I wanted to belong to the old places of this world but alas I have always been the new girl. 

I know how I want to live and what I am here to do. I enjoy living my lifestyle, my crafted routine, in new places.

I’m not interested in walking around as a tourist and talking about other people. I want to sleep, write, produce music, practice yoga, workout, meditate and be in still silent moments of solitude surrounded by beauty with friends nearby.

I enjoy the space to myself to explore within. I enjoy the silence in which I rest. I retreat into my music and explore my experiences through words with handwritten ink.

When I am gifted this time and this way of passing through it, I feel fully grounded and fulfilled and my body flows energy more playfully and socially as a result. Forcing the play or social interactions before my silent time is harsh on my nervous system and I shut down quickly to protect my inner world from invasion of outer energies.

I have a delicate garden within and I build a fortress every morning before I open my gates to the wider world which thoughtlessly tramples my flowers while screaming in my ear that I ‘ought to be more jovial’’. My joy runs deep from the garden well and I share it happily with all when I have had the garden to myself for just a moment, the first moments of each sacred day. 

— love & beauty from Venice

CHA WILDE

The Safe Path to Freedom, a Yoga Teacher’s Chakra Inspired Perspective

If you long to be free, you must first be safe.

The trailhead of your path to liberation is wherever your feet are touching the earth, up your legs to the base of your spin. Start here and bon voyage! 

Safety is first. Freedom is last. There is a lot in between.

Start at the base of your torso, in your legs and feet. Connect to the earth. Once you’re grounded, your energy can flow up into your pelvic bowl and get juicy and playful in the reproductive region of your body. After that’s flowing we start to feel energized and gumption returns to the gut! When you’re clear in your individual being i.e you have a strong sense of where you are, what you’re here to do and how capable you are to take action, then finally you are available to open up to others, connecting through heart. As you sit in company with other conscious beings and release your attachments to likes and dislikes, you know clearly when to speak and when to hold silence. Your words are arrows straight to the core of who listens. They receive your words as guiding lights on their path. The separation between the two dissolves and into the oneness we move.

We see now this is the direction we’ve been moving in all along. The we becomes I. I am light. I see my light in you and realize your light is me and we are the same so the light can speak for itself. I am light. In this clear vision we let go completely of whatever had kept us separate and we laugh with joy in our new found freedom, freedom that has been here all along, freedom that was waiting for us to make the journey inwards and upward. Freedom welcomes is home. 

You want to be free? Start at the bottom of your system. Ground your energy into the earth. Find safety and from that starting point, like a seed in the soil, your energy flows smoothly through your entire being and you function as the connected universe.

Safety first, freedom later. A few steps in between. 

— reflecting from up high,

CHA WILDE

Opinions and Dragon Fire

“Everyone is asking me to create an album. This will be my first project and I know it’s desired because it has been specially requested. Music that is magical, that touches people deeply and really helps them feel alive in joy and peace, celebration and rest.

I’m either celebrating or resting, living with tenacity or gratitude. I’ve been meek around My Great Love, not living in my dragon fire energy, tiptoeing on emotions, soft voice. It’s luke warm and it’s gross.

I’m not giving myself enough credit. I have my shit together. I know how much work it takes to develop myself to this point. I believe in what I’m doing. I have opinions, one of which is to not cling tightly to one’s own opinions. I give more weight/credit to other people’s opinions out of respect and a desire to be respected as open-minded but in doing so I disrespect myself and my extremely valid opinions.

I have earned my opinions. I stand behind them powerfully. Call me whatever you want. I don’t care. I know who I am and what I believe and what I want. I do not need approval, permission or explanation.

When I look at photos of Music Love on Facebook, I feel love and attraction to him. I’m amazed that a talented handsome man is so incredible at communication and validation and vulnerability. He’s an incredible human and ‘package’. He’s totally exposed, transparent, visible. My Great Love is willing to share but he’s more mysterious.”

— from my journal | July 15, 2016

LOVE & BEAUTY
cha wilde

People Will Say YES to Me

“When I’m around ‘My Great Love’ I feel more at peace with where I’m at and more loving towards other people. I don’t like how it feels to imagine or see My Great Love sexually attracted to another girl on the dance floor and I really struggle when I picture him with a girl in a relationship (like the kind I’m building with ‘Music Love’). The open relationship, free love, does force you to grow stronger as a human and yet that strength doesn’t 100% eliminate human emotions. It’s a feeling that’s unpleasant to see him attracted to someone else and desiring to be with someone else and I can feel it, acknowledge that that feeling is not helpful and move on to a more helpful feeling or perspective. At a rave, festival or concert, instead of thinking ‘he likes that girl and wants to be with her and not with me’, it’s more accurate and helpful to think ‘Oh cool, he found another human we can play with and do stuff that’s fun and feels good.”. It’s a group activity.

All things sexual are not sacred. Music Love taught me that. I’ve always assumed other kids don’t want to play with me because they never invited me or they said I was weird. I feared being obnoxious. But as an adult, I’m awesome. Pretty much everyone likes being around me — I’m fun, chill, accepting, enthusiastic, positive energy. Everyone loves it and I do get invited and included now. Flirting, partying, dancing, sex — it’s all just fun and playful and best when shared together.

I’m not in 2nd grade anymore. People are going to say YES. I’m powerful, desirable and playful. Seeing My Great Love excited by another girl is an invitation for me to join in and play with them. If she’s not okay with me or open to open relationships, he won’t be into her because it’s not a personality fit. He never wants me to leave him alone with a girl so he can have her to himself. It’s always better for him if I’m there.

I need to replace the negative thoughts in my head with positive ones. I am wanted and included. Other people want me to be involved. Other people will say ‘yes’ to me and gladly accept what I offer. People long for my company. They long for my gifts, sharing, stories, energy, music, advice, knowledge, love. People long for me.

I must not hold back. If I hold back I’m not just holding myself back from what I want, I’m holding back from giving them what they want. If I care about them I wouldn’t hold back, I would give wholeheartedly.

Life is not a competition with enemies. It is a playground and everyone is your friend.”

— from my journal | July 15, 2016

Love & Beauty,
CHA WILDE

If I Know What I Want, Will I Go for It?

“I’m sitting at Nintendo feeling stressed about my life. I’m not satisfied with my body, not pushing hard enough or often enough in workouts, not pushing myself enough musically, feeling discouraged and doubtful about a career in music.

I feel like I’m starting too late and I’ve missed my chance. I’m so far behind because I never fully trained in music. I’m like a movie — the same as Eddie the Eagle — the newbie who wants to turn pro right out of the gate. That story is so rare and so discouraged by others when they see it happening. But everyone fucking loves it when they see Eddie the Eagle succeed and they all apologize.

I fear that opposition and failing. I fear ‘they’ will be right.
Like the lyrics in my song ‘Impossible Things’

what if everybody’s right and I should only dream at night

I feel foolish saying I want to be famous, to be on Sasquatch stage, and then to have My Great Love see me being mediocre at guitar and having Music Love reveal to me how much I have to learn about music theory.

I’m always fearing that I’m being humored. Music Love tells me I’m amazing to boost my confidence but he’d see that same potential in anyone which makes me feel that its less special or significant.

But maybe there is that incredible potential in everyone? Maybe all of us can do it. The deciding factor is who is going to go for it. Who is going to keep going when it gets hard? Who is going to push when everybody else decides to take a break? Who is going to listen to the voices in their own head and now be pushed around by everyone else’s voices?

All this time I’ve been worried about having enough skill / talent, if I can meet all the high standards of the industry. I haven’t allowed the possibility that all I have to do is decide. Decide to do it and make it my #1 focus above all else and push.

When all the voices say I’m foolish, I make myself blind to them.

I’ve been confused and flickering, feeling weakness in myself, shying away instead of living with full determined fire raging. I’ve been staying open-minded and flexible like a yogi and that mentality struggles to fit into my idea of a rockstar mentality. How can they fit together, without hindering each other?

What feelings do I really want? What am I really going for? What is my direction? I’ve been lukewarm on many passions and projects, spread thin. Two people this week told me they finally surrendered to what they truly want, their path that’s been calling them and instantly things started falling into place, opportunities started appearing. I desperately want that focus so I can open up the dam and have all those opportunities and miracles flow in.

I have to know what I want, declare it, own it and ask for help and opportunities from the people that can give it to me. I saw this happen with yoga teaching; miraculous leaps and loopholes. When people knew what I wanted and saw my potential and saw me working hard for it, they actively helped me succeed. People want to see others succeed. They want to be involved and be part of fueling the greatness. They feel valued and important when they are asked. They feel the power they have to powerfully impact someone’s life and see great things happen.”

— from my journal | July 15, 2016

love & beauty
CHA WILDE

Singing Sad Songs in the Closet

Davey has started going back to the office. I’ve gotten used to him working from home since we’ve been in COVID quarantine. Now, suddenly alone at home in the middle of the day I am remembering these sweet hours of solitude. The music is starting to flow again, like a shy winter stream coming back to life in spring. The first dribbles of water are trickling through my soul and out my fingers.

This new song came from a moment of tears. I felt so panicky. My nervous system was shaking with anxious attachment style being triggered and some sexual complex trauma. I had been blended with my anxious lonely sad parts for days now. Thankfully when I pick up a guitar and start singing into a microphone with lots of reverb in the headphones I magically fall back into myself. Ahhh…there I am. This is who I am and what I’m meant to be doing. So much better. It wakes up inside me.

I write the super sad pathetic song first. I just say it like it is and pray nobody is nearby to hear me through the walls. It’s so raw and kinda ugly in a twisted overly emotional way. I surprise myself in these times when I’m like “woah I can’t believe I sound sad depressing!” But the singing of it drains the depressingness from my body and I feel lighter. The words start to cheer up, a sweet melody marches in behind the dry monotone sentences I’d been previously mentioning.

Singing the sad songs feels shitty, kinda like scrubbing a dirty pan. But…but…the glorious but…. Keep scrubbing and soon the sponge starts sliding smoothly across the surface. The music starts flowing through the body and the rusty gritty gunk in the emotional system is cleared. The music is like drain-o. It’s cleansing the system. Just like breathwork. Just like movement. It’s just stuck energy that needs to flow the fuck out! So sing the sad songs. I’m embarrassed to hear myself making those sounds but considering how much better I feel afterwards, I do it.

Same goes for the primal scream, yah? We are animals that need to make noise sometimes, ugly noises. Looking and sounding pretty all the time is what’s killing us slowly. Life blooms from the compost pile.

Love,
CHA WILDE

sparkling words of the summer 2021

I write on my phone all throughout everyday. My phone memos scroll on and on. Every month or so I read through my digital pages and pick out the writing that sparkles when I read it. Here are some of the words I wrote between June-September 2021. Enjoy ;) Love, Cha

I am here to guide the women into their bodies now.

Devotion of feeling good

Madame Pheonix the Butterfly Flower

We transform. We find courage to turn our gaze away from the sunshine desert where we once played with the butterflies. We breathe in to expand our lungs back into the wings we are growing in the moonlight, prickling along our spine in the darkness behind us. We are turning; turning into the unknown beauty of our next moment of life. We are the butterflies life is playing with in the sunshine. We are the butterflies life is becoming in the dark.


This is the only life I get. I'm not rushing it. I'm tasting all of it, slowly to savor. I love time.

Do you have the power to make someone dream again

I want to be the most attractive woman to me.


It's a serious life skill to be able to dance to any music.

I used to hide my feelings but since I became a musician I hide inside them.

It was challenging for us to play together because we had different music inside of us.

I don't love my body because it looks like this. My body looks like this because I love it

I create with god because every thing I touch is touched by god because I am god because I am alive and god is life creating and exploring itself with wonder and delight.

Dont act until god is in your touch and every movement.

Seattle is a great city...in the summer.
More moments on top of mountains.

This happened FOR me and now I am liberated FROM ____.

The only thing stopping you from being free is thinking you're not free.

Bless your food and the mindfulness returns. Eating standing up by the fridge is no way to nourish mindfully.

To find myself beautiful again
Time in flow, with god
In joy

everything happens for me. When something doesn't work out i think, "thank you universe for setting me free from that burden!"

Get out of the system. Feel human again.

Why don't you go to the studio that you pay for and write some songs?!

I chase down the roles that transform me.

I need to be allowed to Express my genius.

Have you ever met a witch?
I think I am one.
Let me tell you why.
My friends call themselves witches so I must be too
I do all the things the witches would do.
Burned at the stake I'd probably be
Fuck all of you, you just need to be free

When he speaks in must remember the universe is teasing me.

Let it all happen to you; the beauty & the terror

Distraction from the painful reality of the empty fullness into which I've awoken.

The most painful question.
Why am I here?



I've been to my dark places
So you cant scare me
I've run in all the races
Trying to break free

I've stared into your faces
Until I saw me

Why do you want to change?
To feel more alive
Taste more life, more love if life

What are you trying to create here?

I keep staring into darkness
Because I am the light